Heroes Of The Week! (YouTube Edition)

Gambit

Last week’s zero-free episode of Heroes was such a resounding success, even Joe Pesci gave it a great review. “I haven’t had that much fun since I borrowed a couple cases of Chivas off the back of a truck in Hoboken!”.

So Frank was right, going with the plus side of the equation on Fridays can be fun. Leave it to a boy from the Midwest to school me on the advantages of a glass half full philosophy, which you’d think I was rather adept at by now, but evidently not. So Imma keep on with the positive by dealing up a fistful of sunrise.

And now my Heroes of the week . . .

Million Dollar Baby- Georgina Addison of Harrogate, England was born with severe deafness. Her parents- Paul and Louise- have been searching for answers ever since, and with the help of an audiologist, their prayers were answered. Thanks to the National Health Service, Georgina was fitted with hearing aids last month. Now four months old, baby girl provides her folks with their daily vitamins every morning when they turn on her newfound ears. Louise gives thanks to the people who make it their life’s work to bring moments like this to life. Oh baby!

Safe at home- Sgt. Michael Leone wins our Mascot of the Year award just by showing up. The way he’s been showing up to serve and protect us since enlisting. The way he showed up last week at R. Stewart Esten Elementary School in Rockland, Massachusetts. A member of the 181st Infantry Regiment of the Massachusetts Army National Guard, Leone had been deployed to the Djibouti-Somalia border since February. He donned a Bulldogs costume in order to surprise his three sons- ranging in age from 5 to 8 years old- in what was supposed to be a “routine assembly”. Routine . . until he removed the head and his boys realized that Dad was home. For good. Best. Assembly. Ever.

Angels among us- The Olguin family is that house. You know the one, where a Christmas display in the front yard attracts people from miles around. And this year, that radius is certain to grow much wider seeing as how they’ve dedicated their annual labor of love to the twenty two victims of the Walmart shooting in El Paso.

“We kept thinking about how there will be 22 families who won’t have their loved ones together,” Olguin told CNN on Friday. “We felt we wanted to do something to show our respect to honor the victims of the shooting here at Walmart.”

Twenty two angels. Twenty two Christmas trees. Twenty two red bows. Twenty two candy canes. El Paso remains strong thanks to people like the Olguins.

Dancing is your soul, smiling- Kathy Ouma of Middleton, Delaware loves to give back to those hard working peeps who bring the holidays to her doorstep. She leaves a basket of water, soda, crackers and cookies on her front porch as her way of saying thanks. Amazon employee Karim Ahmad-Reed was overjoyed to find the treats waiting for him when he delivered up some packages recently. He’d forgotten his lunch, and he was a little bit parched to boot. So Ouma delivered, for him. And he doubled down with a dance that went viral, and thank you to Susannah for mentioning this one because it’s . . . wait for it . . . prime time stuff.

“She’s a jewel and great human being. I am grateful to have brought her some happiness, as she has to me,” Reid said. “The world needs more love.”

You know what I love most of all about this video? That nothing matters more inside this simple moment, where a random act of kindness opened up a world of better ideas. And to this, Ahmad-Reed borrowed from Samuel Beckett’s belief that the natural order of things is to dance first and think later. Just that, in the quiet; where dreams are not simply born. They’re brought to life.

Lori Wood

This last story comes from the heart, literally.

Jonathan Pinkard was staring at his own mortality in 2018. The twenty seven year old homeless man, diagnosed as autistic, was taken off the transplant list because he did not have a support system in place. Not having someone to care for him made him a bad risk, on account of all the aftercare that’s needed on the other side of a heart transplant.

And then Lori Wood showed up; whose name rightly belongs in the definition of what a guardian angel is supposed to look like. Wood is an ICU nurse at Piedmont Newnan Hospital who was assigned to Pinkard in December of 2018. A couple days after their first meeting, she asked him if she could become his legal guardian.

“I had to help him. It was a no-brainer,” Wood revealed. “He would have died without the transplant.”

They bonded quickly over Family Feud and football games, and Pinkard considers himself truly blessed to have met “Mama” when he did. He received a heart transplant in August and is now going back to work as an office clerk because he wants to be able to live independently some day. He will always have a home with Lori, who came into his life when all seemed lost. She answered his prayers and introduced him to that most wonderful place.

Tomorrow.

 

 

Joe Peschi Movie Review: Life of Pi

I was interested in this movie da minute someone told me there was a Bengal tiger in it. I’m pretty sure they used those computer hieroglyphics instead of a real Bengal tiger, but it looked real enough to make me shit my pants when he was swinging those razor clubs.

As for the story, it begins with this family that has a zoo. Which is some really cool shit, to own a zoo, but the father is really humble and serious about it. My old man owned IBM stock and we never heard the end of it! So anyways, this zoo family has to move and get this . . they take the fucking zoo with em . . on a ship! I shit you not, it’s the craziest family story since we found out my Uncle was dressing up like my Aunt.

So they’re on this ship when they run into a big fucking storm, and the storm wins. The ship goes down, taking the zoo and this skinny little asshole kid’s family with it. The fucking thing goes down in like two minutes, which just goes to show you how much money they wasted on that Titanic movie.

The skinny little asshole kid gets lucky when he finds a lifeboat. Only it turns out he ain’t so lucky because there’s a coyote and an orangutang on the lifeboat with him. The Zebra’s cool, but I’m gonna warn you ahead of time not to make the same mistake I made by staring at him for too long. I got dizzy as fuck!. Thank God I smuggled my bottle of Chivas in with me, because that settled my stomach.

Things don’t work out so good for the Zebra, or the coyote or the orangutang either. So it’s the kid and the Bengal tiger, which is about as fair a fight as Elton John and Mike Tyson. Of course, this is Hollywood so we’re supposed to believe the skinny little asshole kid survives when in real life, he woulda been dinner. And if that isn’t ridiculous enough, the kid calls him Richard Parker, as if this is going to make the tiger think twice about eating him, yanno?

Outta nowhere, they introduce another ridiculous story line when their boat lands on an island. But of course it’s not an island like the one Tom Hanks was on in that movie where he never got to marry the chick he was banging. No, this island eats people. Which just goes to show that writers can fuck up a glass of water if you let em. These imbeciles have a Bengal tiger . . who eats everything, but nope . . let’s create an island that eats everything. What the fuck!

So they get the fuck outta there but these two are in some deep shit. The Bengal tiger has lost more weight than one of em Hollywood wives and it wouldn’t even help if he did eat the kid, who’s all skin and bones anyway. They finally make it to shore and the tiger gets outta the boat and just walks into the jungle without so much as telling the kid to kiss his ass. When the kid is rescued, he starts crying because the tiger didn’t say goodbye. Can you imagine the balls on this kid? Gimme a fuckin’ break.

Next thing I know, this Indian guy is talking to some white guy in his living room. It turns out, the zoo animals were really people and this wackadoo made up the whole ridiculous fucking story. And so he asks the white guy which story he prefers- the one with animals or the one with people. Of fucking course he says the better story is the one with the tiger. No shit Sherlock. The Indian guy thanks him and says “And so it goes with God,”.

As if God had anything to do with this flick.

 

Goodish Housekeeping

I was asked recently why I don’t blog more when I dish on WP. It was one of those questions I never thought about until it was pasted to the thin air above my head. I was busy tucking steam into my response when I just stopped in my tracks and declared Yahtzee.

The thing is, I don’t build a blog post or an article or an essay based on a definition. I just write the hell out of an idea, best I can. Sometimes it works for me and sometimes I’m not crazy about the finished product. Which is why I go back and do it again, because that’s what defines bloggers, writers, poets and peeps who jot down notes on cocktail napkins. A habit. It’s the only common theme that matters. Style is just details.

The question was posed in reference to my Heroes episodes, whose format borrows from something you’d find in a newspaper or magazine. As far as language is concerned, I primp my vowels and curl my consonants and celebrate the idea that words are fantastic beasts if you know how to feed them. My regard to keywords- the scrolls of blog establishmentarian- is woeful. But whereas certain real deal writers on WP offer up footnotes, I express lane it in blog-like fashion with hyperlinks. So I’m a hybrid, and judging by a lot of peeps I read . . it’s the new fashioned way.

So that’s why I refer to my Friday menu as episodes. Because they slice that middle ground like a hot knife through butter. And here are a few stories that were dropped from Heroes because they would’ve harshed the new mellow. . .

  • Twitter is where common sense goes to die, further proven by the Peloton mama drama that unfolded over the last week. A small minded army of twits took to chirping about this commercial recently. They called it ‘sexist’ and railed on about misogynist husbands and the death of feminism. Their first world vitriol comes from the fact the young woman in this commercial looks like a model, so she obviously doesn’t need a Peloton. Welp, I know a lot of great looking, athletic women who are gifted exercise equipment. Because they love it. Because it’s not just about being physically fit. So here I am, defending the Peloton Mamas and their Papas too. Because it’s a free fucking country and if you want to overspend for a stationary bike with Bluetooth? By all means . . do so. And thank you to Ryan Reynolds for his genius directing job in putting this latest moment of stupid to bed with such hilarious results. If the woman in his Aviation Gin commercial looks familiar, that’s because she’s the Peloton mama. Drop the mic perfect.
  • And just so we’re clear, not all exercise equipment supplies you with the desired results. Jane Slater is a Dallas Cowboys reporter who got more than she bargained for when her now very much an ex of a boyfriend gifted her a FitBit for Christmas last year. They synced up and motivated each other and everything was granola bars and rainbow shots. Until she couldn’t get get in touch with him one night and logged into her Fitbit to find his activity levels spiking . . at 4 am. Technology giveth and technology put him in her rear view mirror.
  • The Colin Kaepernick “Lose Job Fast!” workout has resulted in an NFL signing! For Jordan Veasey- one of the wide receivers who participated. You gotta love the fact that the kid gets another shot, even if it’s with the Washington Redskins. In the three years Kaep has been out of the league, 115 quarterbacks have been signed to contracts. And that doesn’t include draft picks and players re-signed or picked off practice squads. I looked over the list and found half a dozen players I’d take over Kaep, but I mostly found a lot of guys who are probably selling insurance as we speak. The NFL and its owners invited all the criticism on themselves by colluding against Kaep. I hope Veasey kneels during the anthem. Okay, maybe not . . he’d just be making it easy for the gutless owner.

Well that was fun! I might have to come up with a semi-regular episode for my misfits. And I promise you that I won’t define whatever it is I come up with.

That would be no fun at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heroes Of The Week!

AntMan

This week’s Heroes episode is going in an entirely different direction. And before you say, what else is new Marco? Please lemme ‘splain.

Gone are the zeroes. Redacted . . just like Tom Kat’s sex life, Trump’s love letters to his Ukraine baes and Kid Rock’s business savvy. And lemme tell you, finding only good stories ain’t so easy. So if this doesn’t work out? Blame Frank for suggesting that I use my powers for good.

Marco Rubio Says “No Drill Baby!”- Former Trump sparring partner Marco Rubio put a hold on the Senate confirmation of Katharine MacGregor as deputy secretary of the Interior. She’s Trump’s pick to head up a vast expansion of drilling in most offshore waters in the U.S.. Rubio has made it clear he’s going to fight this, and let’s hope he stays true to his word.

Oh Christmas Tree!- Trees for Troops will donate more than 16,000 Christmas trees to military bases at home and abroad this holiday season. The team that runs this program is small- with eight volunteers and one paid staffer- but it has a huge heart; not to mention hundreds of wonderful helpers who make sure the farm grown trees make it to their destinations. Since its inception in 2005, Trees for Troops has delivered more than 225,000 Christmas trees to military families. That is some mighty pine work!

Roll Models- Five year old Zeke Campbell wants to be a police officer when he grows up, and a police department in Michigan is doing a peach job of sponsoring the dream. Sterling Heights Police Chief Dale Dwojakowski says the guys love this kid, and they’re proving it all the time. They got Zeke his own police uniform and then they set him up with his own mini-police cruiser- complete with radio and MP3 player. It’s called sewing the seeds of love, and these peeps got the memo.

Go Bears!- And here’s a story with some local flavor for yours truly. The Hershey Bears hockey team scored a pretty big goal recently, after which their game against Hartford was delayed for forty minutes. That was on account of the 45,650 teddy bears that were deposited onto the ice in celebration. The Teddy Bear Toss is a big tradition in the 711, as the teddy bears are donated among forty central Pennsylvania charities. And one season ticket holder pledged to donate a dollar per stuffed animal to the Children’s Miracle Network. Oh . . and they set a world record too. The cuddliest world record ever.

This last entry might seem as if it got lost inside the wrong post, but it’s a story that hit me right between my music loving chops. And if you tell me Emily Zamourka isn’t a hero because she didn’t rescue a kitten from a tree or save the New York Jets from yet another forgettable season . . Imma have to agree with you on those counts. But I’ll stop you from going any further. Because the Moldavian born American singer made strangers believe to such a degree that they opened their hearts and their homes and their lives for this woman.

Zamourka came to this country twenty eight years ago with the American dream in her back pocket. But things never worked out the way she’d dreamed them up; failing health and medical bills and a stolen violin that prevented her from playing the music that made ends meet left her homeless. In October, a Metro cop in LA took a one minute video of her singing Puccini’s O mio babbino caro . . . and people noticed. With kindness and with love and with donations and with invites to showcase her talents. Because she sings the living daylights out of Puccini, sewing the air with a mystically gifted sound borne of the heavens.

Kerouac believed it was a sure as shit certainty that our institutions would screw us over in the end, but the music would never fail us. And I must have watched this one minute video a half dozen times, just so I could sit in wonder over how that voice can move me to tears, every single time.

Jack knew his stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

First Draft Horoscopes: Sagittarius!

Sag

Your Birthday! – You’ve got a big personality, according to you. Your assertive ways sometimes lead to combative disagreements with others. So if you happen to live in Rhode Island, Texas, Nevada, Florida, South Carolina . . or any vicinity whose police department airs on Live PD? Then you might be a star if you keep this shit up!

Restlessness is another of your personality traits. But unlike William Fichtner or Margo Martindale, your particular shot of the stuff is not artful in the least. In fact, you would do well to deconstruct that edge with some yoga before you go deconstructing another hotel room; especially one in Vegas, where the amortization schedules rhyme with vig.

On the upside, you have a very open nature. You are an open book . . you wear your emotions on your sleeve . . and you absolutely love worn out cliches that paint you in a positive light . . so, you’re welcome.

You are the kind of person who knows what they want, and you never hesitate to share this want with others. No matter how many times HR drags your ass into the office to discuss the matter. And to your credit, you work hard to achieve the things that matter most to you. Problem is, most of these things are vices; so your best job fits are A)Drug Dealer, B)Pimp, C)Both.

Don’t stop believing. And don’t blame Steve Perry when you fuck that up too!