Bobby Flay ain’t gonna be down with this latest episode of our search for the quintessential Cubano. Neither is Rick Bayless, Giada, Cat, Guy, Rachael, Rocco or Jamie. And most certainly not Dead Fidel, who haunts my crib every time I bastardize a mojito by switching out rum with bourbon. Soooo, it’s a good thing none of these peeps read the blog.
Linds B likes to think we’re doing “the Lord’s work,” in our sublime and tasty search for the definitive Cuban sammy . . . and who am I to argue with such a devout perspective as this? So with that being said, we ventured into the desperate places for this expedition, as the erstwhile apostles that we are. No hipster cafes or grunge bars, no five star grilles or ethnic landmarks . . . not this go round. Nah, we decided to go all CliffsNotes, by doubling down on the dubious enterprise of a fast food version of a sacred standard. We chose the Cowboy hat . . the House of Meats . . the big A . . yeah, that place. Arby’s.
Now, before you summon your best Tony Montana four lettered variations and shake your head in disgust, lemme ‘splain.
Sure, a ton of fast food establishments have run out their takes to the Cuban sandwich, and yes . . most everyone of them has failed horribly. But Arby’s is a favorite place, even if we don’t frequent it out of respect to our major arteries. Arby’s has all the requisites to which we look for in our search: Flavor, meats and curly fries. Hey, we don’t ask for much, but when we do . . it best include curly fries.
McDonald’s came up with its own version, which along with McSpaghetti, McLobster, McVegan and McDLT rates as the worst idea since Liza Minelli married that Liberace groupie. Hooters introduced a Cuban sandwich, and the only reason it took so long for the patrons to figure out it wasn’t very good is because, well . . it’s Hooters. And let’s not forget Subway, who rolled out a Cuban sandwich for a limited time that wasn’t nearly limited enough.
Fast Food For Thought Intermezzo:
Linds B introduced me to a fast food hack that changes everything. For fifty one years of my life, I’ve been using those paper condiment cups wrong! Mind . . . officially blown. But don’t take my word for it, check out the new way of doing business on a wholesale level. The truth IS out there . . .
So the list of fast food fiascos- as per the Cuban sammy- is extensive. But it wasn’t about to deter me and Linds B, so when a mutual friend let us know about the Arby’s offering, we replied in unison “On it!”. After which we did our best Ricky Ricardo and got to stepping.
The blueprint for the Arbys Cubano follows the standard application to a tee. Pork, ham, swiss, pickles and mustard. And lemme just say, ample amounts of pork and ham. I mean . . did you get a load of that pic? It looks like a ham jail break, which is never a bad thing.
We didn’t carry great expectations into this particular expedition. We just wanted a meat stuffed vessel that was going to immobilize us, after which we could chase regret and anguish with curly fries and fountain drinks. Thank you Arby’s because you came through! As for a report card? The pork and ham were tasty, the Swiss was just kinda hanging out (no melt to it), and the pickles were in the witness protection program on most bites. The mustard, or whatever in the hell it really was, worked well to bring the whole thing together. The bread wasn’t pressed, because it’s Arby’s.
We scored it a 4.75 out of 10, with a curve of one point added for being the one fast food version that didn’t completely bastardize the iconic sandwich. Plus, the curly fries . . those buggers always merit good food faith.
All things considered, we enjoyed the experience. This break from tradition has only served to strengthen our appreciation for the real thing. It was the culinary equivalent of having an affair, after which you confess everything and vow to make things better than ever with your significant other. And we vow to never let our roving eyes tempt us into a fast food Cubanito fling again.
Unless Jimmy Johns comes calling . . .
As someone who’s trying to jump start some momentum for a diet, I have to say the photo had an impact. It helps to hear it rated less than 5. Nevertheless, for a ham-lover who hasn’t had ham since Christmas, that doesn’t look half bad.
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It was pretty good. But rest assured, if you’re forgoing ham, you ain’t missing much since you could do much better. Okay . . I’m not helping, lol.
Seriously though it was a fun take on the Cuban sammy. We decided to have fun with this latest entry . . or should I say, even more fun than usual!
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Yes, I enjoyed your humor!
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It’s a laugh a minute when we go on one of these excursions . . .
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Well great, now I’m hungry! 😕
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Hey man . . I never said I wasn’t an instigator! 🙂
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Lol… Fair play. Well written as per, my friend.
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Thank you dude. Hope you are doing well. 🙂
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B,
That was a fun read! You know how to entertain your audience. Cuban sammies are not big here in Quebec and we don’t even have any Arby’s!
However, I not only make ‘am, the pickles ain’t playing hide ‘n’ seek and the sammy is pressed. Just sayin’. Should all a y’all end up in Montreal, I’ll be open for bidness!
Q
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Q,
As the late and always great Tom Petty would say . . oh my my, oh hell yes!
Nah, I can’t imagine any of your culinary masterpiece would be playing keep away. It’s going be strong!
You said y’all! What is THAT aboot? (Sorry . . had to). . .
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Damn straight. Petty all the way.
I have occasionally not succeeded – my boys take great pleasure in reminding me should I get too cocky… but the Sammy was well received .
Ya man. I have me some Southerners as friends…
😜
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Girl, you got friends everywhere! It’s too bad you’re from the friendly side of North America or you could run for President! 🙂
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Helps to have a blog 😉
And to take on-line courses
And to participate in writing challenges
And to travel
And to be the social butterfly.
And. No thank you. It is a thankless job. Give it to Kiefer – he’s doing a great job…
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Duly noted, and yes . ., Kiefer IS really growing into the job. And he doesn’t even have Jack Bauer to call up when he gets in a jam!
But I think you’re selling yourself short as far as this President business goes. On ne sait jamais.
😉
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Ooh Ia la mon ami ! An français!
Could you imagine if a real POTUS did like Tom (Kiefer)? Sans Jack? Whoa.
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Oui!
And no, I can’t imagine that . . . at all. I am caught up in our Kentucky Fried Presidency at the moment . . blinded!
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But it would be nice, wouldn’t it? 😎
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It would be sublime. And maybe some day . . when we are all long gone . . OR living our next lives. Both . .
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Seriously… gonna take a great flood to wipe out all the maroons out there and start over… and home of the wackos are allowed on the boat!
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It will take that indeed. Some kind of science fiction ending with the inlay of religious commeupance . . I’m listening . . .
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😁
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True thing . .
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Pour vous, you lovely dreamer, you . . .
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It’s probably been about 30 years since I’ve been to an Arby’s. I’m hoping it will be another 30 years before I go back. But, you know, I feel like maybe I should try to make a Cubano sandwich this weekend. See what I can do with the thing.
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Haha!
Try it out! I’m sure you make a kickass one.
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Haha pickles on the witness protection plan I need to remember that… and I’d get so fat hanging out with you… but I’d always be down for curly fries 😛
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Sassy, I was being serious. Serious . . sassy! lol
Running, that’s why I run! Otherwise my girlish figure would be in the witness protection program. Okay . . I made myself chuckle with that one.
Go curly fries!
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you made me giggle too. And serious sassy….hmmm… maybe occasionally 😉
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Yeah, I’m glad you don’t make a habit of it, You’re way too much fun for that!
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That evoked big smiles …. I try… thank you 🙂
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Have a great weekend, sassy not so serious . . .
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thanks for always making me laugh 😉
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Happy I could oblige!
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I’m not a fan of the curly fries. They always seem extra greasy. That pointless comment aside, I think your score should have started on a curve. It’s Arby’s for goodness sake. Give them a chance! Of course, what do I know. I only go to Arby’s on Sundays because the damn Chick-fil-a is closed and I like their chicken tenders (Arby’s, that is).
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Greasy fries..curly fries. Whatever you call ’em..I’m in, lol. Chow down first…regret later. 😂
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I wish the Arby’s in my area could be trusted, but that shizz has gone downhill and FAST.
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The death of an Arby’s is a sad thing. I think we should start a charity to save the endangered Arby’s restaurants.
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I’m in 😂
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Save the Cowboy Hat! Dot org of course. 🤣
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YESSS 😂😂😂
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So I think my walk away is if you can’t find a good Cuban, Arby’s will hold you for a while. Sorta like a Bud light when you want an IPA. I liked the catsup hack.
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Damn that’s a great analogy John! See? That’s why you da Boss!
And that ketchup hack is pretty cool stuff. 😁
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I know right? I have to try it the next time I have fast food. The last time was three years ago. 🙂
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Good for you!
See, that’s a man after my own unencumbered heart right there. I don’t partake often, but when I do, I do so with reckless abandon.
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I am always one step away from tearing into some fat loaded thing from Burger King. Yes, I would like fries with tHAT.
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Ah yes, me too. When BK came out with that rodeo burger or whatever the hell it was, I decided to make my own. MUCH better idea. It was bigger, badder and tasty as heck. Nothing like home made onion rings to top it off with.
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Kind of like everything I do. Go head first, ask questions later.
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Me too. I used the most primitive form of learning. Trial and error.
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The trials tell us all we need to know about ourselves. And in this case, they tell us we are earnest if not expert, and yanno what? That’s okay. 🙂
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Oh my…where to begin? I appreciate your efforts in the hunt for the perfect sammy, but even as a long-time vegetarian the whole Arby’s idea kind of makes me retch and that’s WITH the vegetarianism aside. Notwithstanding the appearance of their signature meat with it’s plastic looking Barbie look, all of their meat alone makes shiver. When eating fast food, best to stay in the fries category and bypass whatever those grayish, brownish slices are supposed to be. Better luck next time in your quest when the meat is actually real and not from (B)Arby’s world. 😲
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I take it that’s a No vote? Bwahaha!
And yes, the curly fries do help, lots.
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Um…sorta, kinda. Oh hell, I’ll just stop trying to sugar coat it…YES. Just give me the curly fries and a Jamocha shake and I’ll stop blathering. 🥤
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Haha!
Everyone has their price . . .
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And their weaknesses. 😊
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Since Jimmy John’s only does cold cuts, you’re good. I loathe fast food, period, so the only chain Cubano that comes close is the one at Chili’s. Otherwise, I’m full-on Mom & Pop.
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Whaaa???
Chili’s does a Cubano and nobody told me???!!!
Imma have to bring this to the attention of Linds B, because it’s impossible for yours truly to believe that we missed out on this one. Our research department peeps best not buy any green bananas . . .
Okay, we don’t have a research department, but still . . .
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McAnything is always a bad idea 😉 Just as curly fries are always a win 😉
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Respect to the curly fries!
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haha yes!
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hi – as noted – I read this before buyt was not logged in…
and I love your writing and at least you were trying with an open mind.
Hey – it could have been a 10 out of 10 – just never know.
And I hope to try this sometime this year – but in the past – the meat from arby’s has not agreed with me (think they add stuff to flavor their meats…)
hope you have a nice day
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Prior,
I have another Cubano post ready to go from when Linds and me went out last week. We always post to FB first, so I plum forgot about it, lol.
And yeah, Arby’s must do something with their stuff, not sure what . . not asking. But it’s a once in a blue moon thing for me.
Happy Easter!
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Happy easter and funny cod this weekend we had our second blue moon this year! The sap moon 🌚 this weekend
And be back soon to read the newest one 😉
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It will be fun, thanks for the chime!
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