There’s a reason the important things are priceless

I’m an ad man’s worst nightmare.

That’s because I know better. Whereas some peeps tend to suffer from a curious hyper-extension of their common sense when it comes to consumerist coitus, I tend to stick to the less common part of the equation. The part that knows it’s being sold a bill of goods. It utilizes deduction and forsakes seduction, to the by and large of buying large.

It ain’t easy, seeing as how the sell is everywhere we look. I can find myself provoked by something as innocuous as a shampoo bottle. And yeah . . I can be lured by that most unromantic of fruits, the fiber supplement. But for fuck sake . . do I really need glaciers to sell me on the fact that I need water to survive?

Morgan Freeman sells us on the God-like qualities of owning a Visa card. As much as I love listening to Freeman narrate basically anything at all, I find these ads disarming because, really . . a twenty thousand dollar credit line ain’t God-like enough?

As much as I steel myself against this never ending storm-sell, I’m certainly not immune to its insidious nature. And that’s okay, because I lose battles so that I might win the wars in this psychological warfare whose science has vanquished consumers much brighter and more well informed than yours truly.

So as far as ads go- print, online, television- I simply judge them, harshly. I understand the elemental design of ads, so I don’t resist them since resistance is futile. Ads play our psyches like Gatsby. It’s like when you think you’re ignoring all those billboards as you plummet along with a million and one other thoughts inside your brain . . until you find yourself knocking down a Whopper whilst wondering where the craving for artificially enhanced bovine came from. Therefore, judging ads harshly is a guerrilla tactic which allows me to recognize and filter the come hither of various products on my terms.

My method utilizes the rational implications of consumerism rather than giving in to the temptation whose subversive one night stand effect  oftentimes results in buyer’s remorse. It’s all about taking ownership of my impulsive nature rather than ceding it to companies who simply want to use me and then kick me to the curb.

Take Subaru for instance. Their commercials piss me off to such an extent that it’s unlikely I’ll ever buy one of their cars. There are many endeavors to which I might feel one with the universe. Buying a Subaru ain’t one of ’em. And sorry GMC  . . but you ain’t making me feel like a “Boss” with your big engine. I ain’t buying your penis-pill cowboy jive.

I haven’t popped the top off a Budweiser since high school, because all those great commercials leave me wondering why they didn’t put some of that dough into making a better tasting beer. And Corona has built an entire campaign on a fucking lime wedge tactic that has nothing to do with flavor (obviously) and everything to do with keeping flies out of bottles!

I think the sermonizing is what rankles me most of all. The idea that a product is going to make me a better person is insulting. If you’re going to pick my pocket, just pick my pocket. Don’t tuck a social contract in its place. And for this, I turn to a couple of big time preachy posers. Starbucks and Chick-fil-A.

The fast food chicken giant sermonizes in the public square, which is why I haven’t stepped foot inside an establishment in years. I would much rather they had a glut of McDonald’s-like commercials out there that made clogging your arteries look cool. It’s preferable to using their standing as an industry giant to marginalize an individual’s lifestyle. I’ll have a Big Mac from time to time, in spite of the purely fictional thirty second spots. But I won’t stand for a company’s boss to play Jesus just because he can, no matter how tasty a sammy they’re peddling.

On the flip side, we have Starbucks. I ain’t down with their message either. The idea that a barista is gonna teach me about race is akin to my mechanic teaching me about Aristotle. There is irony to what happened this week when a couple of black men were arrested without cause in a Philadelphia Starbucks. There’s a lesson to be gained too. I partake of their stuff from time to time because I dig their desert drinks. That’s it, that’s all. I won’t buy anything with their logo because I’m not a Starbucks volunteer. I endeavor in the micro with no dutiful obligation to the macro of it all, because I recognize that I am enjoying a sweet drink that won’t make a great good fuck of difference to anyone but me. I understand that I am not saving the world when I decide to add five pounds worth of sugar to my ass.

There’s no price tag involved when it comes to being one with the universe.

 

 

 

48 thoughts on “There’s a reason the important things are priceless”

  1. Commercials don’t sell me … but hey – some are good entertainment. Then again, many those we can’t recall the product. So now I’m wondering, what commercials do you like and you like their products? BTW – after being an only-GM owner since my first car, several years ago I stepped outside the box – yep – bought a Subaru.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frank,

      Put me on the spot why dontcha?

      Okay lemme see . . . if we’re talking synergy as per selling me on the not so secret sauce?

      Doritos. Love the spots and the chips. Same with Sam Adams on the lager, AT&T on its services, M&M’s on its sweet and Red Robin on its tasty. As for Dodge, I’m good with their spots and I’ve been plenty good with their trucks. And Jim Beam . . well, they turned me on to Mila Kunis. Who loves her some bourbon as I’ve learned through various articles. The sexy of her sell speaks to the good times she’s had sitting across the table from Ashton with a tumbler full of friendly conversation.

      Sold.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Boss,

      You deserve network advertising . . . FOC.

      I want you to get booked on Megyn Kelly’s morning show, if only so’s we can go bar hopping with her afterwards.

      And then, a Yankees game. And then, we get to shaking on a good Cuban sammy. And then a trip to the Improv. And then an after hours club. And then another one. And then . breakfast. Lox and bagels . . . and Bloody Mary’s. Gotta chase the scoundrel with its mirror image, yanno?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Man, does this sound good. If I get booked anywhere in NYC you are the wingman for sure. We will have to stay at the Pierre if only so we can answer the question, “Where you guys staying?” Probably won’t actually sleep there. (Or anywhere.) You have painted the best bucket list add on ever.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. B,

    But ya gotta admit those horses and dogs are cute… no? Of course, being from north of the border we mock all your beer and no commercial is going to make me drink it. Unless of course, I’m south of the border, then I have to make do. But it sure as hell won’t be a Bud.

    How do you feel about price tags? Do you fall into the “It’s only $1,400 when it’s really $1,499, so $1,500? Doesn’t work for me. At all.

    And I can name quite a few products that won’t get my vote based solely on their commercials. They truly do think we’re all idiots. And why is that? Because so many are fooled!

    Grea post, BH. Love it.

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Q,

      Yes, I really love those Budweiser commercials too! They rarely hit and miss in their spots, which is much more than can be said for the product they’re peddling. But hey . . millions of Americans CAN be wrong . . . lol.

      And not all beers on this side of the fence are panther piss, yanno. Okay, you’re dealing from a more adult volume with richer and more full bodied selections . . but we got some good ‘uns here too. Which is why I bank on Sam Adams, like . . all the time. The Boston Lager. Only. The varietals have become like Oreo’s. Too many and not appealing to me. But Lager, yeah. Also . . Brooklyn Brewery is good times. And Troegs. And Yards. And Fat Tire . . dang good. Yuengling and Rolling Rock are easy peasy, chill and pleasy choices as well.

      Shit . . this is why I gain weight every winter!

      Price tags on the 99 is a dynamic I grew up with. Always knowing it was completely full of shit, It is amazing how many peeps see the first set of numbers when shopping. It’s an easy pool trick that works more often than not.

      I don’t think it’s because they believe us to be idiots. I simply think they love the dance and they want to charm us into a horizontal mambo with our credit cards. They get off on making us believe in the man behind the curtain.

      Sorry I’m just getting to this now, but when I got home I watched DS. And all I have to say is, it’s a good thing my therapist wasn’t dealing with a President. Because Holy Hoover . . she would’ve scored a book deal in no time flat!

      Peace and Habs

      Like

      1. B,

        Ya, who can resist the Bud commercials? I don’t wanna know them. We will drink the piss when.st my mother’s coz her beau likes it. But we will bring a case of Grolsch or something to try and expand his horizons (or just so we can enjoy our brewskie too😉)

        And I am totally teasing you. I know you guys are schlepping some really God stuff. Sam Adams ain’t bad at all and I’ve had Yueungling and Rolling Rock too. Got all excites when in Chicago and discovered a Dale’s Pale Ale – course, had to try it. Was ayt. The micro-breweries are producing lots of interesting and weird and heavy and great stuff.

        Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall…

        99 does work. 97 even more because that causes the frenzy of must buy as it won’t be back.

        OK. I’ll grant you that… the dance is all part of the game to get us to sleep.with them..

        DS – such a good show… I love Keifer. And I am sure there are a number of peeps wishing he were real…

        Peace and price check

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I MIGHT have had a Bud somewhere along the line, but it was not on purpose. Because if I’m forking over any moolah, it ain’t for that stuff.
        People buy into the pricing game, crazily. It’s like the limited edition sale peeps and the clearance crazies . . they play for keeps!

        Yep . . they talk sweetly and charm us into all kinds of involvements. Or at least, they try.

        President Kirkman/Kiefer is a big tease, considering what’s going on in our White House currently . . .

        Like

      3. I have had many a Bud – one cannot be rude when it is offered. And once I pulled Mick away from that dreck, there was no turning back.

        Don’t get me started in the limited edition and clearance shit…

        That they do..

        I know. I betcha there are many a watched who’s playing the “What if” game…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Mick was all about American classics . . .

        I won’t get you started on that shit, because I don’t want to think about that shit. Because those peeps are the Walking Dead . . on steroids!

        I play the What If? game every time I watch the news . . .

        Like

  3. I’m seriously considering a Subaru for my next car.
    Why? you might ask.
    Because I have no idea what their commercials are and why they might be so offensive.
    Members of my family occasionally ask me what I think of this commercial or that one and my response is always the same, “It’s a commercial, why would I pay attention to it.”
    Last year, the local newspaper sent me an email asking if I wanted to participate in occasional surveys about their newspaper. After a few surveys I dropped out because every survey was about whether I noticed an add in the paper on a certain day.
    I simply do not pay attention to ads. That doesn’t mean that I claim to be immune from marketing, but when it comes to ads in media — whether TV, print, or on-line — I just simply do not care to pay attention to them. And I don’t understand why other people do.
    But that’s just me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. King,

      Subaru is a good car. When I’m not being snarky and sarcastic as all get out, I admit that I really wouldn’t dismiss it just because the commercials annoy the shit out of me. But man . . they annoy the shit out of me. Just like that Peloton stationary bike commercial annoys the shit out of me. And in the case of Peloton, I ain’t ever gonna purchase one of those suckers, seeing as how I don’t need Wifi on my stationary bike to make me happy.

      People, a lot of people, are all in with the messaging. And to me, it’s Orwellian . . which means to say creepy. And then there are the peeps who simply find a happy place in the connection they feel with a product. And . . so long as their purchasing punch doesn’t run amok, whatevs.

      Commercials are limited entirely to my TV viewing, seeing as how I usually have my tunes in the car and I never pay any mind to online ads. So as per TV, it depends. Sometimes I pay attention in a half ass kinda way, sometimes I read ’em up like the old back pages, and most times I turn the sound down and wait for my show to return.

      I will always make time for a Doritos spot, though. Just saying . . .

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I routinely and resoundingly bash those stupid Comfort Inn ads. Seriously, bada-book, bada-boom? Oh puleez. I keep hoping to hear they’ve gone bankrupt. I know, I’m a terrible person but I absolutely HATE that campaign. I’d stay under a bridge before I ever stayed at any of their properties.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are preaching to this choir, because I do that all the time with commercials. I don’t much care if it makes me a terrible person, just so long as the commercial in question dies a quick death . . .

      Liked by 1 person

  5. hehe who doesn’t love listening to Morgan Freeman’s voice? 😉 hehehe I completely relate to this post as well!! Plenty of ads manage to piss me off (I feel like the more I see certain ads, the more annoyed I get at a product and will never buy it!) And can big corporations please stop morally preaching to us lowly peasants- they’re selling coffee not a one way ticket to heaven!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. OG,

      You completely understand! You get it. Yes!

      It’s funny because I’ve had conversations with a few people who’ve read this and they’ll list a commercial or several whose product they’ll NEVER buy as a result of how much the commercial pisses them off. I knew I wasn’t the only one doing that! lol

      And absolutely! Coffee is coffee! Make good coffee and leave all those questions about a higher power to us, puhleeze!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. “because I lose battles so that I might win the wars in this psychological warfare whose science has vanquished consumers much brighter and more well informed than yours truly.” So much to write about this. You rocked it. You are right on every front.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve really delighted in all the wonderful feedback I’ve received from this one. Peeps I know, they make me laugh when they tell me how they HATE a certain company just because of the commercials! lol . .
      And like I told Frank and King, I really wouldn’t cancel out the purchase of something I dig just because the commercial annoys the shit out of me. But might I forego said product if I’m on the fence about it and the commercial annoys the shit out of me? You’re darn tootin!

      Liked by 1 person

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