Striking out with my alley cats


I behave very much like a cicada when it comes to bowling, in that once every few years I will make the scene. As such, my game is less predictable than a soccer mom at a male revue show. And while I could go more often in order to sharpen my bowling skills, that would mean taking time away from other more worthwhile pursuits; like my used band aid collection and my Taylor Swift fan club.

So it was that I spent a ladies night out at the local bowling alley. Imma blame Linds B for the idea, if only because she’s in love and probably won’t read this.

I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? ‘You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins.’ ‘You sure?’ ‘Trust me. Just do it son!’
–Jim Gaffigan

We decided to play three games. On the face of it, this may seem like an overreach considering our casual approach to this leisure activity. But when you take into account adult beverages were involved, three games seemed appropriate. More than three games would’ve felt absurdly long and less than three games would’ve meant that we were basically going to a bowling alley to drink.

Notice I refer to bowling as a “leisure activity”. This is because to call it recliner recreation might be deemed mean spirited. All I do know for certain is that bowling falls somewhere between a sport and a manifestation of a social disorder. There’s a lot of room for interpretation there, which is one of the most interesting aspects of bowling.

I began the proceedings by bowling a couple of strikes, after which it occurred to me that my timing was complete shit. The point of most any competitive endeavor is to finish strong, and I realized that I had dropped the ball (pun intended) by coming out with guns blazing. I was showing my Broadway right from the get, which meant that my Camden would soon follow; as in, desperate . . hopeless and just plain ugly.

I have always hated bowling, and I don’t mind admitting it.
–Hunter S. Thompson

As it turned out, my game didn’t suffer the precipitous fall I had expected and I actually bowled a decent game. I am not certain as to where that placed me, but I had more important things to focus on . . like conversing . . and adult beverages.

By the end of the second game, I was cursing the decision we had made to play three. This was on account of the conversation being quite lively and the drinks being quite friendly. It was obvious that we had crashed a bowling alley with the express intent of having fun, and the bowling was really starting to harsh our mellow.

If you subpoenaed me, I still wouldn’t have any recollection as to what happened in the third game. My goals were simply to throw the ball down the correct lane, not drop the ball on my foot and not make eye contact with the old timer at the counter who, I was convinced, was Nosferatu.

If I had been on ‘Bowling for Dollars’, I’d wind up owing them money.
–Ricki Lake

Once we had wrapped up, we changed back into our regular shoes. Amazingly, bowling shoe theft is almost non-existent, which has really streamlined the process. This cut our travel time to the bar in half . . so we were ordering up another round thirty seconds later.

I actually can’t wait to go bowling again. By then, I figure the world will be in a much better place. The Korea’s will be united . . scientists will have proven that bacon is good for you . . Kelly Ripa will reside behind bars for crimes against Ryan Seacrest’s humanity . . the Browns will have relocated to the island in that Tom Hanks movie and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will be the President of the United States.

Patience really is a virtue.
















52 thoughts on “Striking out with my alley cats

  1. I have agree on the third game. I have yet to leave a bowling alley without A. peeing my pants from laughing. B. Sitting in the middle of the alley laughing. C Letting the ball go into the concession stand on the backswing. I’ve only gone bowling three times. Enjoyed this Marc.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dude, the third game is only for people under the age of 12. I can barely get through one, then limp through the second, and I have my own ball and shoes! <— former grade school pro bowler. 🙂 Bowling is not leisure by any stretch of the imagination and if you don't have a great time, you're doing it wrong. I'd be happy to instruct you and Linds B (how did she enjoy the event??), if you're ever in my 'hood. And I will take glee in kicking your ass at the same time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. B,

    We bowl once per year, maybe twice if somebody suggests it would be a fun endeavour – adult beverages ALWAYS included… it’s just one of those activities that many mock yet most enjoy secretly or not so secretly. And every time I play, I am amazed that the next day I feel muscles that seemed to have lain dormant…

    Fun stuff!


    Liked by 1 person

    • Q,

      I don’t secretly enjoy it. I only enjoy it when . . .
      A- Adult beverages are involved
      B- The company is worth the price of admission
      C- I get a strike

      My total enjoyment is incumbent on all three of these being the case, lol. It’s sort of like with golf. I always think it’s going to be fun until I am actually doing it. After which . . yanno . . the adult beverages.

      I felt good this morning, nothing out of place . . no pulls or strains. I consider it a win.

      Peace and pins


      • M,

        Same difference…

        Golf? Ain’t nothing that can make that enjoyable.

        You must be working out all the requires muscles, then 😉

        Peace, pins, strikes and adult beverages

        Liked by 1 person

          • B.

            Good man. I’ve started working on all my sections… thanks to returning full-time to work! Schlepping trays of beverages, moving tables and chairs back and forth, carrying mega-heavy plates. Plus walking 14K steps on one shift (6 miles)

            LOL… I’m lucky that I gain all over so it doesn’t seem like I’m overweight… just more “voluptuous” 😉

            Liked by 1 person

          • Q,

            Voluptuous works. Every time in fact.

            For me it’s simply a matter of eating better and not eating after a certain time. Easier said than done, but I think when the weather gets better, it does get a tad bit easier to do.

            14k steps is no joke! That’s some serious foot pedaling going on there. You work the arms, you got the cardio, the coordination. . . who needs a gym? Pfft!

            I don’t think I’ll ever belong to a gym again.

            Liked by 1 person

          • B,

            Good to know…

            I hear you. So difficult when working. Take Thursday: Worked from 2 til 10:30, no break, no meal until after the evening… 10:30 is a tad late to be eating lasagna…

            No gym required, for shizzle! Don’t think I ever will again either!


  4. Hey! I spent most of my formative years in bowling alleys, actually bowling, and liking it. Don’t bowl much anymore these days, but still enjoy it when I do. And I’m always disappointed unless I bowl at least three games when i go. Leave bowling alone! Now, golf — go for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Glad you have a groovy time. I’ve only bowled a handful of times in my life and they were exercises in hilarity but mostly fun (and I didn’t get too hurt). Softball was my sport and enjoyed swinging a mean bat and beer with the best of ’em. Cheers 🍺

    Liked by 1 person

  6. hahaha your last paragraph made me laugh so much! I haven’t been bowling in… well I can’t remember the last time I went- maybe 10 years? 15? Which means, by the time I go again, the game will probably have different rules 😉 (because we’ll all be living in space ships and the lack of gravity will turn the game into something more akin to dodgeball)

    Liked by 1 person

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