In a recent interview, Wednesday and Thursday were asked to describe Tuesday’s best attribute. They replied in unison, “It ain’t Monday,”.
Now, maybe this has something to do with the fact that Wednesday and Thursday are so close . . they’re practically inseparable. But I do believe they have a point, yanno? Tuesday could do with some hype. Think about it, Tuesdays were in such dire need of some disco magic, they engineered an entire ad campaign centered around tacos. Nothing against tacos, but they can pitch the weekend on their shit until the sun stops showing up to work and they’d get nowhere. You know why? Because it’s the weekend! Friday is sexy just the way it is, and Saturday . . well Friday wants to be Saturday when it grows up, so there’s that. Sunday is so fucking cool, it can putz around for half the day and still make up the time with a little something called brunch.
So Tuesday, it needs big flavor all the way around. From the tunes you fix on to the vibe you ride on, to the annoyances you dip into a rant sauce. And maybe I have a couple to share with y’all.
Like . . .
. . . Urban Meyer wants us to know that he didn’t know, until he knew, but that when he knew, he still didn’t know, yanno?
. . . Terrestrial radio sucks. It never changed, which is one of the reasons peeps get their favorite music anywhere and everywhere else. An industry where management never takes chances, is an industry on the slow road to obsolescence. Which is why I only listen to FM radio by mistake.
. . . PETA lobbied to have Nabisco’s parent company change the design on their animal crackers box recently. The animals will no longer be depicted in circus cages. Now they will be seen roaming across a savanna. So time, energy and monies were poured into this effort to ‘free’ artistic representations of animals on a cookie box. So, how long until eating these crackers will be considered animal cruelty?
. . . And while I’m talking PETA, I just learned that they also went after Pokemon, because the object of the game is to chase and capture (fictional) animals. And yes . . we are all doomed.
. . . When someone cuts me off whilst driving, I no longer get upset. I simply raise my phone and pretend I’m taking a pic of their license plate. Now, they don’t know what Imma do with that info. For all they know, I could be a serial killer who’s gonna pay them a visit. Mission accomplished.
. . . To athletes who want to be taken seriously and yet behave like fools. Well then how about this? Grow up and buck up. Until then, stop your whining and be men dammit!
. . . To any dude who says “we’re pregnant”? No, son . . she is pregnant. You had one job, and it was the easiest and most enjoyable part of the pregnancy. So shaddup with this we’re pregnant nonsense. She’s pregnant, you’re a glorified bystander.
I’ll end this rambling rant with an antonymous equivalent. It’s my favorite video of the week for more reasons than the one. Back in the not so distant past, I excoriated Penn State University for their role in a horrendous cover up. But, as with Ohio State, Michigan State, Baylor, Louisville, Syracuse and the laundry list of other schools that have been wracked by scandal, Penn State isn’t about one man. These great schools are about so much more than that, and to have witnessed James Franklin’s success at PSU is a truly special thing.
Franklin is a good man who does things the right way. And wins. And maybe it never scores him a national title, but I sure as hell hope it will some day. And I hope he always takes his responsibility as the face of a program this seriously. I hope he never arrives at a juncture where he thinks he’s bigger than the name of the school he works for.
And I hope he always keeps his great sense of humor. Because to invite Keegan-Michael Key to Homecoming Week is an inspired and brilliant move by a head coach who actually gets it.
More of this . . . we need it.