It’s been a while.
Back inside another time, I used to put together these “Hot Lists”- comprised of sultry dishes whose cosmic ingredients sated the visual sweet tooth. Unlike Maxim’s Hot List, mine do not include minors. There’s no need for swimsuits or anything of the like. Alls these gals have to bring is their bad selves.
You may wonder why I call it the Vera Farmiga Invitational instead of the Hot List; to which I say, same difference. Vera is the Mistress of Ceremonies because she is the reading, writing and ‘rithmetic of what’s hot. She is the honey’s bees knees, and thus . . it’s her party.
So, here’s my latest starting lineup of sexy. Nine gals with skill sets that touch all the bases. Go home team!
Ashleigh Banfield– She’s got the glasses, which I dig very much. She’s got the smarts, which I dig very much. She’s got the looks, which completes this yummy trifecta of brains and beauty. I can’t wait until tomorrow, because this girl just keeps getting better looking every day.
Julie Stewart Binks- I’m not gonna lie, soccer babes rock. I have a long history of smitten when it comes to the soccer kitten (see what I did there?). J Shizzle has that sexy smirk that always gets me riled up, and then she deals up her five tool talents? And then I’m begging her to stop because it hurts so good. But she won’t stop, because she knows I love it. Okay . . . what was I talking about?
Carole Laure- This Canadian import is a product of Quebec. The singer/actress/creamy seductress is now seventy years old, but when you Google her, you’re gonna find the new way of doing fifty is what you’re gonna find. Because she is still sweeter than maple syrup. Hat tip to the Notorious Q for this sexy get!
Crystal Reed- GodAYUM is my one word answer to the question that is Crystal Reed. Because I have no idea who she is, seeing as how the woman can play more roles than a double agent in wartime. Bookish schoolmarm who will kill you in your sleep and you’ll be okay with it? Check! Goth chick who will eat your soul at the picnic lunch you fix for her and you’ll be like “You so crazy baby!” Check! Girl next door who can cook up a feast, run a bake sale from the trunk of her Jetta and seduce the boy next door before happy hour? Check! Gangster wild child with a death wish, who somehow becomes the black sheep of a crime family dynasty? Checking A!
Carmen Ejogo- Carmen has the name, she has the timeless beauty and she has the ability to give you myriad hair days- one more spectacular than the next. From the hot professor short ‘do to ‘8o’s sleek, ’20’s bouffant, beehive, beachy blond bombshell and boot kicking booyah. She has rocked every kind of look and she’s got that British accent which supplies a velvet crush to the senses.
Gemma Chan- She’s reminiscent of a different time in Hollywood. Elegance and grace with a style that doubles down on plain ‘ole sexy. And when she speaks . . that secret that Victoria’s been toting around? It gets told.
Meghan Markle- She’s the girl next door. Assuming you live next door to Buckingham Palace. Meghan’s smile gives everything away, because what lies beneath that sweet, lithesome curl is a bad girl gone good. At least . . that’s my interpretation of it. If I’m wrong, just leave me be.
Carrie-Anne Moss- She’s so beautiful that she even made Keanu Reeves look good in all those Matrix movies. Just kidding! Please don’t send hate mail to me, since I haven’t checked the email for this blog in forever, and I would hate to miss out!
Paula Patton- I had this dream that Paula was my drill instructor and that . . Okay, well . . that’s as much as I can share as far as that dream goes. She’s got a style all her own and a look that says Friday night. I’d be a member of Patton’s Army any day.
Welp, that’ll do for this latest installment of the Vera Invitational. Thank you for tuning in, and we would like to remind you to check your local listings for a Holiday Edition! Until then, may you have honeyed up wishes and hot buttah dreams.