Sorryless Sunday Morning Movie Review

Michael vs Laurie

*Spoiler Alert: The following movie ‘review’ contains certain plot elements- such as the beginning, the middle and the end. 

I thought maybe this latest incarnation of Halloween was going to make me pine for the days of eight track tapes, boom shakalaka vans and reckless hair. But nope, that’s not where the Danny McBride and David Gordon Green’s sequel to the shape lives at all as it picks up forty years after the original movie. It’s a modern day slasher flick dressed in an old ghost story and it aspires to be both at the same time. Sometimes it works, and sometimes . . not so much.

McBride and Green are ambitiously dedicated to the franchise, and I dig that very much. Their decision to wipe the timeline clean and to pick up where the first movie left off was inspired. Their idea to frame Myers murder spree in the original movie as random in nature, and not an evil obsession to end the family bloodline was reminiscent of In Cold Blood and Helter Skelter. Because fratricide is something every sibling has contemplated, but a totally random killing is more chilling than a Shackleton Martini.

And hey . . don’t take my word for it. Watch this one take scene where Michael borrows a knife from a random victim. I should supply a word of warning that Michael doesn’t borrow things in the traditional sense of the word. It’s more like stealing . . with lots of mangled body parts. Fucking guy . . .

 

Bringing back Jamie Lee Curtis was a sublime stroke of genius. In reprising her role as Laurie Strode, Curtis is the most believable- and enjoyable part- of the film. She plays a gun hoarding hermit who has been preparing for Myers return for the last forty years. She lost her family in the process, but is ‘vindicated’ when Myers escapes and returns to Haddonfield to hunt her down. And inviting the original ‘Shape’- Nick Castle- to don the mask (even if only for a hot second) was a cool hat tip. So with all that, I was digging more than a private investigator working on commission.

Here is what I ain’t dig so much . . .

In trying to appeal to a new audience whilst catering to those of us who were around for the original release, the movie comes off as unfocused. We’re introduced to investigative journalists Dana Haines and Aaron Korey- whose only purpose, it seems, is to reunite Michael with his mask. And it kinda pisses me off that Rob Zombie was criticized for portraying Michael as a terminator-like slasher rather than a supernatural ninja whose dedication to his craft was subtle and spooky and altogether kooky. Because in the 2018 Halloween, Myers is . . . you guessed it, a terminator-like slasher. There ain’t no subtlety to him. His kill scenes are every bit as grotesque and demonically mechanized as Zombie’s. And I have no beef with that. I just think my man Rob was an easy target thanks to the pissing contest he engaged in with Carpenter back in the day, but whatever.

The creepy Dr. Ranbir Sartain (played by Haluk Bilginer) brings a story line I had the most trouble with. Sartain is the protege to the since deceased Dr. Loomis, and he is nuttier than a Twin Peaks convention. In the movie’s home stretch, we come to learn the depths of the bad doctor’s obsession with Michael Myers. He prevents the local Sheriff from putting a bullet through Michael’s head . . by murdering him. After which he gives Laurie’s granddaughter and Michael Myers a lift back to Laurie’s crib so they can, yanno . . resolve their differences. It’s in this scene that we come to realize the doctor was responsible for Myers escape, the Patriots sustained success and the selfie. Of course, the doctor is such a fucking whack that he never stops to consider what happens when you cozy up to a spring-loaded temperament under high duress. Until Myers turns him into spaghetti squash with his boot.

After which we get, the showdown. Michael versus Laurie. Because the more things change, the more this franchise will keep going back to the same bloody well. These two are so inextricably linked to the franchise that to kill one of them is to kill both of them. Which is what I was hoping for, all the while knowing it was never gonna happen. Because there’s sequels in them Hollywood Hills, and yanno . . .

So long story short . . Michael ends up at Laurie’s compound and he is majorly pissed at having been led all over town by Dr. Strangelove. So he takes out Laurie’s son in law first, and she’s like “Mikey , that doesn’t make up for all the shit you’ve put me through for the last forty years, but thanks for trying . .”. And then Laurie’s granddaughter shows up since all her friends are dead thanks to Michael, and now Laurie’s daughter has to draw on her fucked up survivalist upbringing to save the day because Mom is using a shotgun to kill Michael when a Bazooka would’ve been a much better idea.

So the three girls end up hiding in the basement as Michael searches the place for someone to dismember. Laurie decides to shoot into the floorboards and in so doing, officially becomes the worst participant in hide and seek . . . ever. So Michael disassembles the kitchen island and somehow . . the girls sneak past him. It’s not nearly as easy as I’m making it out to be, but ridiculous nonetheless.

As Michael climbs the steps, Laurie activates ginormous wooden spikes that sprout from the walls and it all becomes clear. Her compound was never meant to be a cage . . it was meant to be a trap, for Michael. The girls post a couple pics on Instagram before Laurie lights the place on fire and they skip the scene. As flames engulf the compound, Michael is nowhere to be seen and then . . after the credits start rolling, we hear that infamous heavy breathing once again.

Despite my snarky fucking manner, I did like the film and I’m giving this sequel a solid 3.5 out of 5. I loved the score, the kill scenes, the mask and the jump scares. And I love that it made me have to run back to the original, which is the gold standard for the genre.

I’ll leave you with a dedication made possible by those frugal geniuses at Blumhouse Productions who made this puppy on 10 million bucks and are killing it (pun intended) at the box office to the tune of 100 million and counting. I mean, it’s raining so hard that JLC is talking up a rematch with Myers.

So here’s the song I want them to play at the conclusion of the sequel to this sequel. As Laurie stands over Michael’s cold and lifeless body whilst swigging a bottle of whiskey, she looks down at the mask and spits the words we’ve been longing to hear.

Boogeyman my ass . . .

47 thoughts on “Sorryless Sunday Morning Movie Review”

  1. B,

    I barely know what to say in response to this highly enjoyable read. There is no way in hell I will be seeing this movie because, as we’ve discussed, I’m a total wimp when it comes to this stuff – no matter how far-fetched or unrealistic. Funny, I watched “Dexter” no problem…one would think…

    This has to be a most honest review of the flick because you are sharing your true feelings about where it went and where you wish it had and frankly, I find it a most intelligent response to it all.

    Could you imagine if Hollywood had the balls to end it as you would love? And that song… PERFECTION!

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Q,

      Dexter was different though. It was satire, clever humor and witty banter . . with gruesome murders sprinkled in because he was a serial killer. The irony is what got me to watch for a few seasons. Until he got married, or whatever happened there.

      I knew you were never going to see the original, so I gave you the next best thing. Because really, these movies do tend to take themselves a bit too seriously.

      I do wish Laurie and Michael both would have gone down in a ring of fire to end it all. Sort of how Quint got lost at sea in Jaws, It was supposed to be ‘different’ but it felt very similar to a lot of the other films in that nothing was resolved. The end of Michael. There HAS to be the end of Michael.

      Besides, they’ll just reboot the franchise in perpetuity anyway . . .

      En Vogue is the spill JLC should go out on. And in the sequel to the sequel, I want her in True Lies form . . short ‘do and all that voodoo she do, times two.

      Go Habs!

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dexter was at that. You should have kept on watching because then you would have enjoyed the “Trinity Killer” played by non-other than John Lithgow and you could have cheered like we did when he killed that simpering woman that Dexter married.

        You were right. And I thank you for you “synopsis” 😉

        Yes. Again, Hollywood needs to grow a pair of balls and do the unexpected. And leave the franchise to die a natural death already. Where the hell is their imagination? Must all movies be a sequel of some sort? Sorry… I vented…

        Ooohhh…JLC in that SBD… now you talkin’

        Woot! Go Habs Go!

        xo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know all about Lithgow, having befriended a serious fan of the show who kept me up on the what’s what. But I just couldn’t bring myself to keep going with that show after he got with little Ms. Minivan. It went against the serial killers code!

        The synopsis never fails . . .

        I vent on this all the time as well. It’s like, go do some other projects people! I mean, it’s not like every production costs 100 million to make. Blumhouse is always making box office hits on the cheap. In fact, the 10 mil they put into Halloween is high side for them. And fun fact: All actors, including JLC, were responsible for their own expenses- such as lodging, food, etc. So with that said, move onto other things peeps! Kill Michael and be done with this story. Of course, some other company will just come along and reboot the franchise again.

        THAT JLC . . . when she’s hanging out of the limo at the end of the world . . or so she thinks. It fits in perfectly.

        Habs WIN Habs WIN!!!

        XOXO

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m telling ya… to hell with the wife, her role was minuscule. Lithgow was soooo good…

        Synopsis a la Marco is the best.

        I’ve been saying it for years. Have you really run out of ideas? Sad, sad, sad… And you’re right. Someone will come out of the woodwork with a ‘great’ idea on rebooting the franchise. They’ve lost me.

        Oh yeah… how about the tango scene when they get their next mission? LOVE.

        Yeah! 3-0 against the Bruins! Wooot!

        XOXOXO

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Lithgow is the best in most anything he does. He’s gonna be in the remake (yep . . another remake) of Pet Semetary. I won’t see it in theaters, but I’ll see it at some point. Because of Lithgow . . .

        Synopsis a la Marco comes with a side of snark and another side of snark . . .

        Maybe they’ll turn Halloween into a musical. And now that I said it, I can literally see it happening. Because why not?

        JLC is a walking, talking tango, tell ya what.

        At least SOMEBODY beat Boston tonight. No thanks to the baseball team from LA that blew a big lead and now . . fucking Boston is poised to clinch another title manana. FUCK!

        XOOXXOOXOOXX

        Liked by 1 person

      5. He is. To think he used to play in “Third Rock…” He is soo good as an evil guy.

        Snark rocks – coz I speak snark, myself.

        Buahaha! Wait. They probably will one day.

        That she is.

        Ya baby! Um… sorry about that other sport,… you seem upset

        ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I never watched Third Rock, gotta say.

        Snark is the new blue suede shoes.

        They are definitely gonna one day . .

        Indeed.

        Did I mention I hate Red Sox caps as much as I hate MAGA caps?!

        😉❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I have seen several episodes of Big Bang, which counts. Even though Lithgow isn’t in it . . .

        Lots to dig on that one.

        Bugha . .

        There are going to be fucking Red Sox caps everywhere, because sports fans are lemmings . . .

        🤨😍👟😎🏎️😘

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Welp, the Habs gotta bring the Cup back to its rightful home for the first time since the Clintonian Era . . and then we’ll talk . . .

        I was a Boy Scout. I’m always prepared. 😉

        Q takes the Emoji crown!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I was discussing such a feat with the members tonight. They were skeptical but said in the next year or two, not impossible…

        Were you now? Most interesting….

        Thank you… Thank you, very much (said in my very best Elvis voice)

        Liked by 1 person

      10. If they can talk about having a football team in London- a city which has ZERO interest in the American version- then Montreal can figure out how to get the Cup back. Even if it takes dialing up Sandra Bullock and her gal pals to get it done . .

        You don’t eat peanut butter and banana sammys, shoot televisions and have a jungle room too . . do ya?

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Well… now you might have something there…

        No… I don’t. I keep it strictly on the sad attempt at sounding cool. I think I may fail more than succeed at that particular one…

        Liked by 1 person

    1. My viewing has been sporadic. I didn’t watch the first two, I watched a few innings of Game 3’s ‘doubleheader’ and I watched a couple innings last night.
      I mostly read about it, and from what I’m reading, it’s why the MLB is lagging behind the NFL and NBA. It’s feast or famine with big offense and no fundamentals. It’s a big talent like Machado not bothering to run. It’s all this talent and yet no one can manage to lay down a bunt to move a runner over. And then there’s the analytics that has completely taken over the game, to its detriment. As Mushnick of the Post so astutely noted, stats don’t make the game, games make the stats!

      And let’s not forget these games that are dragging on, and on . . and on. It has become the National (Past Our) Bedtime . . .

      Liked by 1 person

      1. To the Joe D Yankees. No shame in that. That was back in a time long before the Red Sox ruled the baseball universe. I’m rooting for an ownership group to buy the Sawx and move ’em to Montreal.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes: 5-3. Fitz started here many moons ago! He’s had a good career – especially because it was so unexpected! Bengals picked Winston 4 times and sacked him 5 (I think). Need Steelers to lose!

        Like

  2. Can’t go wrong with an En Vogue song from that particular album.

    Meanwhile, I’ve been watching a lot of this WS, more than I typically watch when the Giants aren’t playing. I may blog about this later today, but this Series is yet more evidence to me of the impending demise of the game. The maneuvering by managers is becoming so overwhelming, that’s the story instead of what actually happens on the field. It’s not about the players anymore, it’s about the managers. Sorry, but I don’t watch baseball to see what the managers are going to do.

    Sorry to take it off-topic, but I needed to vent!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. En Vogue can crash any party . . .

      Dude, I can’t even. All those Strat-O-Matic peeps have commandeered the game. The feast or famine quality of the game has stripped it of the charm that used to set it apart, as far as I’m concerned. And you’re right about the managers. They bemoan the fact that none of their players knows how to lay down a bunt . . which is something I learned in pee wee league baseball! And the way they handle their pitching staff . . searching for the ONE guy who will blow it.
      Exit velocities possess double meaning: On the one hand, they tell us how quickly the ball came off the bat. And on the other, they refer to how many of us have turned the dial on games we used to watch to the end.

      I get your rant, I really do.

      Like

    1. John,
      The original is the gold standard, and I think you’re plenty good if you never see another one.
      This one has some old timey feel to it, and I think I would have liked it much better than I did if there was no original to compare it to.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m with Monika, Not really my ‘thang’. I got the whole of the movie from your synopsis which I enjoyed more than I would have the movie! The whole slasher, guts, with the entire focus being trying to creep me out does nothing for me. Give me the psychological thrillers that keep me guessing like the French film, “Elle”. Or surprise me, the way “The Sixth Sense” did at the end. Those actually stay with me longer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ella!!
      It ain’t for everybody, that’s fo shizzle. Me? I creepy myself out with how dark I can get when it comes to this stuff. I tend to overdose on horror movies this time of year.
      Haven’t heard of “Elle” but yes to “The Sixth Sense”! My man M. Night, love that dude!

      Liked by 1 person

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