Tuesday Time Machine: From the Archives

Imma go with a blast from the past post for this Tuesday morning. It’s eight hundred pounds worth of sick puppy humor. Culled from the whine cellar of a blog whose mission statement was inspired by the late, great Robin Williams. “If they can’t take a fuck, joke ’em!”.

Monday February 4, 2008 will forever after be known as Black Monday to New England Patriots fans, following their stunning defeat at the hands of the New York Giants; a loss that prevented the Pats from going 19-0.

Also of note . . . Illinois Senator Barack Obama had taken the early lead in the democratic primaries heading into Super Tuesday. Many prognosticators at the time felt this was where Hilary was going to close the deficit and set the pace for the rest of primary season . . The stock market was struggling to steady itself after cratering to news of a possible recession . . and Iran fired a rocket into space. Shockingly, Salman Rushdie was not on board.

With all that news going on, I went with a YouTube video titled “Bird Poops in Mouth”. Because sometimes you find the story, and sometimes the story finds you. Sit back and enjoy this twenty second tutorial on what not to do when bird watching. The original title I affixed to this post was Birdie Bukakke Theater.

Classy.

Some thoughts on the matter:

  • Why didn’t this ever happen to Geraldo?
  • They don’t call it “Action News” for nothing.
  • NEVER open your mouth when looking up to find the bird that left a deposit on you.
  • The Canadian Brown Finch . . . Canada’s Answer To An Air Force.
  • Being a bird means never having to apologize for coming in someone’s mouth.
  • If I were this reporter, I’d turn down the mall shooting stories.
  • Finally, an answer to Manfred Mann’s “Blinded by the Light” lyrics! It goes …blinded by my mike, wrapped up in a deuce, you better feed me with a sprite! . . .
  • Hey, whatever happened to Manfred Mann?
  • And his hat?
  • This kind of thing never would’ve happened to Manfred . . . cause of the hat.
  • In Thailand, American businessmen pay top dollar to have this done to them. I’ve heard stories . . .
  • If that had been Ryan Seacrest, he wouldn’t have missed a beat.
  • You just know this guy’s nickname in the newsroom is going to be Walter Windshield.
  • If this guy would’ve needed CPR, he would’ve been screwed.
  • The worst part? That wasn’t a brown finch in that tree. Al Gore was bird watching.
  • The award for best performance by a supporting actor goes to,” all those guys on the crew who didn’t crack up.
  • Left unsaid: Canadian Brown Finch tastes exactly like chicken shit.

41 thoughts on “Tuesday Time Machine: From the Archives”

  1. LOL, LOL, LOL. I’m not sure what was better. NE losing or the video. Sadly I can empathize with him. No, I didn’t get hit in the face, but on my neck and shoulder while walking the dogs-far, far away from home…and with no tissue in a pocket (or accompanying crew) to help with cleanup. Had to flick it away with a finger which then got wiped off on some grass till I got home (probably a mile away). No doubt it was grass that had been a favorite pee bulletin board cuz that’s just how I roll. I couldn’t wait to shower and disinfect! Thanks for a great oldie!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Monika,

      Hahaha! We were a bunch of knuckleheads, tell you what.
      Ugh! And me too! It happened to me once when I was running. And I, like you, wasn’t close to home and had nada with which to rid myself of the stuff. It landed on my shoulder so I just ran with it. LOL.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. B,

    Awww… poor Pats (not)… no chance that coulda happened last Sunday, eh? Oh well. Their turn will come again.

    As for the poop in the mouth. So hard not to laugh… I supposed I shouldn’t complain about my kid barfing in my mouth, seems a tad less gross.
    If it’s good luck on the shoulder, what does it mean in the mouth?
    I shall let the comment about Canada’s Air Force slide…
    No way in hell anyone was gonna give him mouth-to-mouth, if needed.
    And you’re right. A hat would have been de rigueur here.
    As for Ryan Seacrest? He’d a spit and kept on going, for shizzle.

    Thanks for the morning chuckle!

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Q,

      That was a big deal, HUGE deal at the time. The idea that a team could go undefeated had seemed ridiculous. On the blog, we followed the season pretty closely, even though we weren’t as into football. We even did a podcast DURING the Super Bowl, thinking it was going to be a Patriots blowout. Wow, were we ever wrong.

      A tad less, not much more than a tad less though. Still . . pretty gross. LOL

      In the mouth means that this guy will enjoy great success in the future. Unfortunately, that success will be enjoyed in the porn industry.

      That was back before I knew the might of Canada’s peeps! 🙂 I never would have uttered such a thought if I knew then what I know now . . .

      Mouth to mouth? I wouldn’t even give it to him with one of the crew members mouths!

      A hat serves so many purposes. Its functionality is not reserved for looking cool as all get out.

      Ryan Seacrest puts up with anything. He’s the TV example of good soldier.

      Not a guffaw? Just a chuckle? LOL

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Huge deal for sure. And goes to show, you just never know!

        Tad – maybe as it was my own son and as parents we have to put up with a lot of nasty shit (other end, but still).

        No lady’s gonna want his mouth on her…anything!

        Right, now you know better. Uh huh, Yeah.

        It is the coolest – thought not all can get away with it.

        He is.

        Sorry… I chortled…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Back then we thought that was the beginning of the end of the Patriots as we knew ’em. Says tons about avocado ice cream.

        This is oh so true. Parenting is just soooo romantic, ain’t it?

        Yeah, this was it for him. I think he went to Tibet after this and became a monk.

        Yup.

        Chortle is good. Chortle is to laugh what jam is to jelly. It just sounds a tad bit better, yanno?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Pray tell. How the hell do you get from the potential end of the Patriots to avocado ice cream?

        Parenting – things NO ONE tells you (because no one would do it!)

        Buahaha!

        Glad you approve of chortle. It is definitely a cut above chuckle and better than a giggle though not up to the level of a guffaw, I should think.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Brady. It’s what’s for dinner in his household. And it keeps him keeping on. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that he’s a vampire . . .

        Yeah, the whole “What to Expect” handbook? Lied.

        The guffaw is so tasty, a sandwich will be named after it!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. The opposing teams have to start utilizing garlic more. And direct sunlight. That’s why Brady sucks when he plays in Miami!

        The book is a bigger lie than campaign promises.

        Guffaw! Flavah punchline!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Marco,

    I’m laughing and cringing at the same time. Gorge rising. Ugh. The only thing worse I can think of is having your baby spit up in your mouth. Moral to that tale, never raise a just-fed infant over your head. True story. Okay…going to go rinse my mouth out and repeat. Thank you for the morning yuks. 😉

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rochelle,

      That was us. Putting stuff out there that would make people laugh and cringe. Preferably at the same time, lol.

      Oh noooooooooo! I’m glad I already had breakfast!

      Glad you got a laugh out of this!

      Shalom,

      Marco

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my gosh! This makes me both laugh and cringe. I totally get what this is like. Birds love to poop on me. I’ve been getting bombed since I was 3 years old. Some of the more memorable ones go like this…I’m sitting in a hammock hip to hip with my daughter, yep I get bird bombed, daughter nothing! I walk out of the barn with my sister, yep, I get bird bombed, sissy does not! I’m riding on the back of a motorcycle a bird flies up out of the weeds and bombs me. Does the driver get it? Nope, just me. Thankfully, I was wearing sunglasses are I would have gotten it in the eye. I’m driving down the interstate at 80mph my window is opened maybe 1″ and yep I get bird bombed! Even I had to laugh at that one, I mean what are the odds? Thankfully, I have always kept my mouth shut, but now I’m afraid.

    I hear it’s looked at as a blessing in Italy. I must be very blessed!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ella!!!

      Holy . . . wait for it . . crap!

      You don’t have a single incident, you have a compilation. But yes, it is a blessing according to many. No less an authority (?) on such a thing as Dwayne Wade of the Miami Heat has talked about his experiences. He says that every time a bird pooped on him in his life, it came at a pivotal moment, after which something good happened to him

      True story!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, Marco, you do not know the half of it.😂🤣
        Humm, I’m trying to think if anything good occurred after each of these incidents and I cannot think of what it was. But I did bring much happiness to those around me. I will accept laughter as my blessing!😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I was thinking of Manfred Mann…Do Wah Diddy was one of my favorite tunes as a young girl. It’s not much to contribute, but I thought of it suddenly.
    You have such stellar repartee with Dale, Frank and a number of others. You certainly don’t need my quirky two cents.
    Happy Valentine’s Day Mr. Sorryless. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nonsense Susannah Boom!

      Have you already forgotten you’re my C.J. Cregg? You know I dig it when you dish, so let’s not have any of that talk, por favor. Besides, as an individual who marches to his own drum, I really do appreciate peeps such as yourself who get me.

      And right back atcha Thin Girl. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We’re like tandem drummers leading the march though, they were the first to go down in battle being weaponless in the front line. The average drummer boy during the American Civil War was 13, proud as can be drumming into enemy fire. Oh dear… that history file got popped again. sigh

        Liked by 1 person

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