All That Glitters Isn’t Entertaining

Oscar Funny

I only watched a couple hours worth of Academy Awards the other night, and to be perfectly honest . . it was like watching C-Span. With beautiful people. Maybe it’s me, but the Oscars felt more lacking than the Baltimore Orioles lineup. There was less sizzle than a CPA’s black book. And if not for the lovely J. Lo making the scene, there wouldn’t have been a single boom.

The Queen opening I liked just fine. Adam Lambert has some pipes, and I must admit . . he ain’t in the same area code with Freddie. That is what I liked most of all, because I’m really quite possessive about the former Queen front man. You can cover his shit all you want, and that’s proper . . I respect it. But you’re not going to upstage the ultimate showman. And Lambert didn’t. I’m fine with that.

After that, I might as well have turned on Walking Dead. The fact they went with a self service hosting format thanks to the Kevin Hart imbroglio opened promisingly enough. Getting right to it rather than having to sit through a droning table setting dialogue book-ended by commercial breaks was a refreshing change of pace.

I wish I could tell you I have anything good to say about Sunday night after that, but I’d be lying harder than a Trump appointee. Okay . . yeah, there were moments. Like J. Lo rocking the (almost) century mark as if she is twenty something. And that duet with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga was a glorious fire. How can you not love that? Unless you’re Mrs. Bradley Cooper, that is. In which case, you went home and started divvying everything up whilst doing real estate searches.

I dig that Queen . .I mean Bohemian Rhapsody won four of the five awards they were up for. And I was really digging Spike Lee in those purple threads. And I dig that he finally won an award after forever. And I dig that a doc about menstrual cycles won, and that one of the peeps involved called it out as such. And I dig Samuel Jackson bringing some much needed coolness to the evening when he reported that the Knicks had finally won a game.

On the flip side, I didn’t dig what I believed to be a weak list of Academy Award nominees for Best Picture. And I didn’t dig how Spike Lee had to throw a tantrum after Green Book won. Come on man, grow the fuck up. This ain’t a Knicks game!  And I didn’t dig the trains . . I mean, what was up with all the trains? And hey, why did Charlize Theron answer all those trains by wearing a curtain? And I really didn’t dig how nobody got uber political. There were a few clever innuendos sprinkled in throughout the show but no blunt force trauma statements of revolution from the tyranny the District is presently under. Make no mistake, I would have been the first one to bitch about bringing politics into the mix. But it would have been fun! 

It’s like this. Sunday night’s Oscars were a preview of what this year’s NFL draft is going to look like. Heavy on the fundamentals but severely lacking in the disco department. I’m glad I tuned in, and even more glad I tuned out before the end. Hey John Bailey! . . Billy Crystal called.

He wants his Oscars back.

 

 

 

 

 

78 thoughts on “All That Glitters Isn’t Entertaining

  1. I didn’t love this years slate of best pictures either. But the foreign films were excellent (though I didn’t get to see capernaum) and Gaga and cooper. Seriously. Worth it just for that

    Liked by 2 people

  2. B,

    I have to agree with you. Mostly. Queen’s opening with Adam Lambert was a great way to start the show. And yes, Adam is no Freddie – because there was only one and to try to be exactly like him would be disrespecting him.

    Starting with Tina Fey et all was a sign of a fun night. I thought. But no. That was just a teaser of an appetizer with no follow-up meal. On the plus side, by 11:15 all was said and done and delivered. Which, let’s face it, is a bonus.

    That duet was an “I need a cold shower” affair… how could the pregnant Cooper girlfriend not feel there are “three of us in this relationship, so it feels a bit crowded” (Lady Di)…

    Though I saw quite a few of the best picture nominees, and enjoyed them, none of them had any wow factor. I’m just glad Spike didn’t pull a Kanye. Well, other than bitch and moan that he didn’t win best picture (and for all I know, maybe he did deserve it. I’ll let ya know when I see it!)

    Charlize. I can’t imagine what Mick would have thought of “his” Babe’s get-up. Between the curtain and that dark hair giving her such a hard look… oh well. It ain’t the Oscars if we can’t bitch about the dresses! And those trains! Crissakes, even friggen Billy Porter was sporting one!

    Fun read, mon ami!

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q,

      Only one Freddie, for now and forever. It’s almost as if Wembley created the template upon which no musical artist will ever be able to surpass what he did on that day.

      I heard it was a quick wrap on things compared to other years where it trespassed on midnight. I mean . . I can’t believe it wasn’t a minute too soon!

      Oh I didn’t know they weren’t even married! I love Hollywood, where Baby Mamas don’t come with a ring. And in this instance, I do not believe there WILL be a ring changing hands. Because whatever Gaga wants . . .

      Imma see Black Klansman. I was most interested in that one, truth be told. Well, of the ones I didn’t see.

      I have no idea what those trains were about. If it didn’t symbolize something . . I just don’t get it. On the plus side, if you’re intent on opening up a dry cleaning business in LA . . do so immediately.

      Gracias!

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • Who wants to live forever! I don’t think the organizers had any idea of what was gonna happen…

        Yep. I’ll take a quick announce and deliver the goods over the droning on of what only the host thinks is funny.

        They are not. But nowadays, marriage is highly overrated 😉 Irina is apparently totally unconcerned about the Gaga-Bradley thing. Kudos to her. Sorry, I said pregnant but they have a 22-month-old daughter already.

        Imma see it too.

        Ridonkulous! Although Chris Evans got to look like a gentleman when Regina tripped over hers after being called as the winner – he offered his arm and led her to the stairs 😉

        De nada, my amigo!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You nailed it, Marco. The Oscars were quite boring I actually stopped watching them years ago but was lured back by Queen and Lady Gaga/Bradley Cooper singing together.

    Adam Lambert….shrug. As you say, not on the same playing field as Freddie Mercury.
    And the best acceptance speech goes to Olivia Coleman. She was freaking hilarious!
    Spike Lee…yep, did not dig it but was expecting it. That’s so Spike Lee.

    I only wish I had turned it off, but I was committed to seeing it through. Damn this work ethic of mine!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ella!!!

      Yeah, that was it for me too. The highlights. If this would have been a sporting event, I would’ve waited for Sports Center.

      Nope, he’s not. Great pipes, but let’s be real about this please.
      I didn’t see it, but now Imma have to check it out, seeing as we share the same twisted sense of humor.
      Soooo Spike Lee. I did dig on that suit though. It’s a statement!

      You just couldn’t help yourself! LOL

      Like

  4. Thank you for the rundown, Marc. I knew I could just go to bed and you would have my back opinion wise. About the politics. The District is so messed up that to mention anything is to court losing fans for reminding them how messed up the District is in the first place. People want to forget that reality, and any entertainer who reminds them is playing with fire. Maybe SNL is the only place to go since the disgruntled go there on purpose.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was talking about this recently. The whole SNL skit with Baldwin playing Trump isn’t funny and you know why? You can’t parody a parody. When the reality is more ridiculous than any script, that’s where we are at.

      But yes, the disgruntled can go to SNL. And the late night shows.

      Like

  5. You crack me up. I watched (but it was only what 3 hours and some change long, so you didn’t miss much). The Red Carpet nonsense was dumb and corny (who WERE those announcers…should I know them?) Like you I was thrilled BR won 4 Oscars and knew going in the odds of it taking Best Film were slim and next to nothing and slim left town last week. But seriously, Green Book!? A story about a black guy in the South as told by white people? Puleez. And for the accepting director to say the show wouldn’t have been made without Viggo?? Are you kidding? Pasty white faced me thought that was cluelessness at its height. If the Academy wanted to salute minorities, Black Panther or Black Klansman would have been much better choices despite my being totally over Spike. His acceptance speech, while substance wise was spot on, the delivery was painful to watch.

    Mostly I just wanted to catch the Whiskey Cavalier sneak peak. It’s good to see Lauren Cohen (who I loved on TWD) with Scott Foley (aka Jake Ballard from Scandal). I’m looking forward to some new mindless evening watching them on location. Despite the over the top sobbing opening (jeez, no need to overdo that), the action and interaction between the main characters was fun. Actually more fun than a rudder/host-less awards program. Signed, someone who is NOT into capes, ruffles or weirdo frou-frou. Just give me the classics. Everytime. Like Queen.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m with you about most of the night … oh yes to Jo Lo! George Michael did a good stand in as Freddie at the tribute concert, but hey – he’s now with Freddie. Theron’s look not good – yuk to the hair. The no-host think didn’t bother me – actually made the night go a little quicker – but like Conan said (and I paraphrase) … No host? Can you imagine chaos on The Price of Right without a host? Everybody rushes to “Come on down.” … Meanwhile, I seldom watch SNL any more – actually awards shows may be better. Oh … Tina Faye looked good!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Train? … Oh, trains. I thought you were talking about a great rock group from the recent-ish past. I like trains as long as they’re not so long. Those people who take up the whole carpet with them…. ridiculous! Hey, why was JLo wearing a mosaic of mirrors? And why did ARod look like a waiter?

    Um, I didn’t watch the show.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I need a sign . . to let me know you’re here, all of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere . . .
      The trains on Sunday night could have had stations. Much. Too. Long.
      I will have to go back to the videotape to check out the House of Fun that J. Lo was wearing. I didn’t notice they were mirrors, to tell the truth.
      Buahahaha! Here’s a tip A-Rod . . . no really, here’s a dollar, now shoo!
      I like your Oscar Review sans watching! Lots. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Why, oh why, did you have to bring the NFL Draft into this?

    I agree with you that there was something missing from this one — and I say that not having watched the Oscars for years. It just seemed flat. But, the Queen opening (even as much as Adam Lambert is just wrong, plain wrong) and the Lady Gaga/Bradley Cooper performance made up for whatever flatness there was. Those two singing that song can just … well, do whatever they want. Even if Mrs. Bradley Cooper has issues with that.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I thought of you when Queen, what’s left of it without our Freddy, opened the show. I’m glad his representative won since he was pretty great, even though they railed the movie for it not being more gay. So irritating to me. Mr. Mercury was so talented, and happened to be gay. End of story. I liked that they focused on his genius rather than the disease he sadly died from. But again, no one wants my two cents. I’m pissed Glenn Close didn’t win. She was so great and deserving and well, I’m tired of her being called the poor man’s Meryl Streep. It’s like calling Freddy, the poor man’s Bowie.

    Get outta town Academy. You blow. OOPS

    Liked by 1 person

  10. It’s for shows like this that I’m grateful man created DVR’s. I can fast forward through the mundane garbage and rewatch Shallow three times. Keeping the DVR on standby for the draft.

    Liked by 1 person

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