So me and Q were having a beer debate on favorite all time female comedians, and it was feeling every bit the same way as when you go shopping at Target. Yanno . . . you go in for a travel sized toiletries bag and some condoms, and you walk out with a High Def TV, a six month supply of cheesecake bites and Joanna Gaines’s cell number? You know exactly what I’m talking about . . unless you were born yesterday. In Canada.
The debate as per the funniest female on the planet runs longer than a red carpet show on the planet Venus. And truth be told, I’ve always been a fool for the the double X chromosome way of doing funny business. There is nothing quite like a dame who can steal the keys to your smile. And the double down comes when she cashes in your smile for a laugh that hurtles the planet Mars.
If you were wondering what a ‘beer debate’ is all about . . it’s really quite simple. Drink beers whilst texting a favorite comrade, and then throw a fun and sexy debate into the mix. I assure you, it beats the hell out of most any other debate you’re ever gonna involve yourself in.
So we debated our Mount Rushmore of female comedians as I was venturing into the first couple minutes of The Long, Long Trailer on TCM, with Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. If you’ve never seen it, get to stepping . . like right now. Because it’s an hour and forty three minutes worth of the most wonderful science experiment known to humankind. These two kids from different sides of a ninety mile train track worth of oceans, they were a brilliant complication whose arrangement nested into our hearts and stayed put.
So Lucille Ball is my George Washington of a Mount Rushmore arrangement of female comedians. Q had no problema with that assessment. What’s not to love? Lucy was sexy and beautiful with comedic timing that could have talked Dante Alighieri into writing the best Goddamn sitcom ever.
So from those heights, we chiseled out some more of this rock of funny sages and we came to an agreement on Carol Burnett (That was Q’s get). Burnett’s comedy skits were of an age that hasn’t even arrived here quite yet. She introduced me to the kind of drug I’ve been in the market for ever since.
We arrived at the intermezzo with one hell of a situation on our hands. Because the talent that was spilling out of our texts was akin to a garden hose inside the dog days of summer.
Next up, I went for Ellen. Because I remember some of her early stuff, before she got ABC. And lemme tell you, I would have been her groupie if that had been her thing. No questions asked. She hit me that way. Hard and sublimely. I still quiver, yeah . . it’s like that. But man, the brilliance of her stand up act was worth a mighty intoxicating platter.
So here we stood, ninety feet from home plate with a harem of laugh makers that had to be cut. Which is why you choose beer for such a debate, kids. For the hops it gifts you.
We had Joan Rivers, whose balls were mighty and whose sacred cows were always missing in action; because she spared no one and nothing, ever. And damn if that isn’t what comedy is supposed to feel like. There was Tina Fey, whose politics were so fucking smart that she made you feel as if she was swimming three olives inside a perfectly constructed martini. And so what if Amy Schumer can’t be political to save her life? She does everything else spot on, including vagina (pun intended).
Lily Tomlin is first ballot Hall of Fame, and if you go with her . . you gotta bring Bette Midler along, because she is mirror image (Big Business reference). And speaking of mirror besties, you can’t leave Vicki Lawrence out of the Carol Burnett discussion if you stayed up to watch those two light up the screen. And if you were of that certain age, you watched Betty White, Phyllis Diller and Mary Tyler Moore do the same damned bit of wonderful. And then you watched Goldie Hawn make fun of the armed services without so much as a trip to the President’s office.
And of that certain age, when Saturday night at home wasn’t a complete waste of time because of SNL . . you remember Jane Curtin and Gilda Radner. Mightily. After which Amy Poehler, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Kristin Wiig did the seats just fine.
And Whoopi did stand-up with the kind of hold you can’t teach, and then she doubled down on a cinematic career whose carom made Ghost one of the best movies. Ever. And there is Kathy Griffin, who seems a bit lost in space excepting for those NYE installments with her girlfriend Anderson (They are one of my favorite couples). But she is still all that, when she’s not beheading Trump. And speaking of women who don’t need a dude prop, Melissa McCarthy. Why she ever did that sitcom with the unfunny guy? I’ll never understand.
So me and Q debated ourselves into one last round as Lucy and Ricky gave way to Bing Crosby in Top ‘O The Morning before Q hit oil with a winner.
Wanda Sykes. Of course.
The gal throws the kind of heat that will leave you shuddering. She has worked with so many of the very biggest in the biz; from Larry David and Eddie Murphy, to Chris Rock and Homer Simpson. And her talent never played second fiddle, to any of ’em. You just can’t upstage a five alarm fire such as hers. And not for nothing, but she’s a masterful comedic writer to boot. Signed. Sealed and delivered.
Let’s boot Schumer because vagina and penis humor is the easiest to manufacture and add in Tig Notaro, a woman who can drag a stool across a stage for 10 minutes and it’s hilarious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wait a minute, are you saying penis and vagina humor is one and the same? Sorry but I must disagree. The former doesn’t need much of anything to lose it, while the latter needs a bit more intelligence.
Just saying.
Tig Notaro . . is that the chica who had the cancer skit? Or am I thinking of someone else?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you mean men and women humor? I meant more like Amy just tells jokes about penises and vaginas, in various forms. The easiest way out.
Yes, Tig did an entire show about her cancer. Here’s Tig on one of your faves Ellen’s show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yitxaN8LZ4M.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes that’s what I meant indeed, lol.
Amy does that so well though, and maybe I’ve not seen enough of her to tell whether or not she is typecasting herself, I don’t know.
I thought that was her, I was foggy on the comedian, but I remember that.
And gracias . . muchisimas!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Welcome.” ~Miyagi
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
She has her moments… can’t say this one had me laughing all that much – plus she did a diarrhea joke. Instead of penis and vagina, its peepee and caca 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved Train Wreck.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me, too. And I Feel Pretty was a hoot with a message.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t see that one . . . yet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’ll enjoy it…I’m sure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I imagine it’s going to be a lot like West Side Story . . only not at all,LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
Buahaha! Not even close!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Didn’t think so, LOL.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love Tig. What she talks about is clever and takes some thought. (It’s about the absurdity of the sign, not the actual body function.)
LikeLiked by 2 people
She is good, I give you that! She is more the low-key, deadpan type.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Truth times two.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Fair enough. I plead guilty to leaving my thoughts at home with certain comedians. Excepting for Adam Sandler. I just don’t get it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m at a loss on Sandler, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hate Amy Schumer. Any idiot can tell a dick joke with a cigar in her mouth. Talent is making people laugh without grabbing your crotch.
LikeLiked by 2 people
So no Dice Clay? WHOA!
Sorry, I just had to, buahahaha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I worked with him once. He’s very nice. Not what you’d expect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can believe that. He had a schtick is all.
LikeLike
Yeah. I did get a kick out of those naughty nursery rhymes of his. But they were silly more than blue.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is true . .
LikeLike
I agree! Thanks, Susannah!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I was a bit harsh there but she gets my Italian up.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s sort of EXACTLY what I meant to say. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tig has heart.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Agreed. I *heart* Tig.
LikeLiked by 2 people
B,
It was a hoot and a half to help you out with this list. I think you could have easily had a threesome of posts and still only touched on a few of these comedic belles!
Obviously, I can’t complain about the list, having been privy to the creation hereof… I may, however, have to take objection to that Canadian comment which was unnecessary. Coz, for that blink of an eye when we had Tarjay here, we did have that issue of coming out with way more stuff then we planned, going in – as happens with Costco and Wallyworld… ‘course you also know I am totally teasing here.
Q
LikeLiked by 1 person
Q,
You’re right, it could have gone on for several more posts. But I really dig the fact that it was just this one AND there was disagreement as to the choices. It’s so much more interesting that way.
Wait . . . I made a Canadian comment? No. Way!
No, it’s true. Peeps go into Target for toothpaste and they end up having to take out a second mortgage to cover all the (mostly needless) shit they buy, LOL.
Muchisimas gracias for the assistance on this one. I paid for my night of merriment . . ugh!
B
LikeLiked by 1 person
I must agree… said we could have but glad it was limited to this one so that we could argue our choices!
Way.
Same with all those big box stores. The way I see it, only way NOT to do that? To go sans cart. Only take that which you can carry… 😉
Was lots of fun – and I am still paying for the afternoon/evening of merriment! Just got back from a surprise birthday get-together at a bar and had. Water. (Mind you, had supper with a girlfriend which involved one hops-related beverage – but that was sufficient.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s sort of like when you go to a restaurant and they offer up EVERYTHING. That may look like fun, but it’s no fun at all.
Yeah, but that doesn’t fly in America. Here, we need carts for our carts.
I can’t even LOOK at a beer. Until Saturday . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seriously. And sometimes you decided to take something you think will be “light” but turns out to be HUUUUGE.
Oh, here too, believe it or not…I’m just saying that if we don’t want to fall into the trap, go cartless!
It took me an hour to drink it. But maybe by Thursday, I’m going to the Comedy Nest… might find a will…
LikeLiked by 1 person
No kidding, LOL.
Cartless IS the way to go. Have a short list. Stick to it. Will 99 percent of the population stick to this? Probably not . . .
I’m waiting. I will do a detox. Of sorts. A mini detox . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
List…. Absolutely must have a list and stick to it… buahahaha!
Yes. I am on hold. I think I drank a gallon of water at the bar…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Here’s how it usually works. . .
1- Person writes list
2- Person forgets list
3- Person signs up for a store credit card
4- Bill comes in the mail
5- Divorce
I think I should have carried around an IV today . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sadly…
Usually, for me it’s:
1. Write List
2. Forget list
3. Remember stuff on the list
4. Forget the number 1 thing on the list that I really needed but added all the other stuff so I wouldn’t waste my time shopping for one item. Did I mention that is the item I forget?
5. Decide to make other recipe because no way I am going out there agein.
That might have been a good idea…
LikeLiked by 1 person
1- Write list
2- Bring list!
3- Forget list in car
4- Remember list is in car once I’m in the store
5- Curse loudly
6- Will myself to remember every item on list, as if I’m a fucking Jedi
7- Buy two bags of Doritos because they’re on sale, Knowing full well they aren’t on my list
8- Buy dip . . . also not on list
9- Curse Luke Skywalker
10- Fail my Jedi examination miserably
LikeLiked by 1 person
I cede!
You win!!
Am laughing so hard, my nephew who is playing with my son on-line asked if I was ok…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha!
Cede is a good word . . .
The correct answer is “No .. I am not okay,”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tee hee
Oooh… AND I got a good word despite my diminished functions.
True dat… the laughing was hysterical… just walk away…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes please. Step away from the beer bottle . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
As you know… there is no more beer in the house… and I sure as shit did not buy any today!
LikeLiked by 1 person
If given the choice between buying beer or buying a ticket to a Trump speech . . I’d poke a hornet’s nest.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not even a contest. I would walk across the street to my “dep” (short for depanneur, which in Quebec means convenience store) and which will still be my dep come June, and buy myself a case of two-four. Drink myself silly and pass out on the couch… ticket to what? I don’t understand…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I’m sorry Q . . the answer I was looking for was C- Poking the hornet’s nest . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hangs head in embarrassed shame… usually relatively bright woman loses it…
LikeLike
So… Duh… I didn’t get that neither choice would be good… blame the day after the night before, K?
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re ahead of me!
It’s like Fitbit all over again . . .
Oh,that is a perfectly acceptable excuse . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dunno that that means I’m ahead or a whole lap behind and just appear to be ahead…
Thank you for accepting my excuse
LikeLiked by 1 person
Who’s on first?
Hey, I have to accept it. I have the same excuse! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
True dat.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t remember how it happened — but some time in the last year or two I found my self watching The Long Long Trailer. I don’t think I saw the whole thing, but I do remember thinking “you can’t possibly be serious. They made this movie?!?!” It’s one of those movies that is just so ridiculous, it’s funny.
As for your song of choice .. my older son, when he was about 4 years old, loved to sing that song.
LikeLiked by 2 people
The whole thing about that movie is Lucy and Ricky. I could watch those two in an hour and a half long toothpaste commercial.
I still love to sing that song, LOL.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ball, Burnett, Ellen, & Tomlin hands down – but I want to know how you got Joanna Gaines’ cell phone number? Meanwhile, still sweating after watching Shania over and over on full screen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me and Joanna were tight before she found religion.
I don’t care what anyone says, I love that song.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not surprised by you and Joanna.
LikeLiked by 1 person
C’est la vie . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Her loss now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! Something like that . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just when I thought this post couldn’t get any better, you hit me with one of my favorite Twain songs. Made me want to sign up for a sex change. (Well, just being dramatic) Anyway, I think all of the selections had their moments. What decides the best of the best for me is how much my brain hurts after a performance. I can’t explain it, but that nod goes to Tina Fey. She kills me even in the commercial bits. Ellen is second. Excellent job, Marc and Dale.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love that song and I’m not ashamed to say it.
Yeah Boss . . . too far, LOL.
Tina Fey’s ability to be political without being political is the stuff of genius.
And Tina’s gal pal, Amy Poehler is a keeper as well . . .
Muchas gracias!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree about Amy 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
She, like Tina, can get me to do something I very rarely do. Watch commercials . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m weigh’in since I know lots on this topic. Yes, Lucy is Queen. No argument there. But you left out so many greats like Elayne Boosler and Rita Ruther. Two great comedy writers the likes of an Amy Schumer who couldn’t shine their pumps. Actress wise,Jean Harlow was pretty funny along with her close pal, Carole Lombard. I liked early Joan Rivers before she went QVC along with getting her face simonized like a hubcap. Joy Behar was a great stand-up before she got The View. Paula Poundstone, another underrated Chica to use your word. And my favorite who kinda slipped away, Margaret Smith, who told one of my all time favorite jokes: She’s seated at a bar when a guy says, hey cupcake, can I buy ya a drink? And she says, no, but I’ll take the 3 bucks. You can see how old a joke it is. 😴
LikeLiked by 1 person
SB,
I could have written a much longer post or even done a series of posts on this topic, but I dig the back and forth with peeps who have a differing opinion.
I will say this, I was several beers in when I was writing this. I fear I have become a lightweight, since I was feeling it. On the upside, I had a ball writing this.
And yes, you’re right . . there are so many I didn’t even touch on. I do remember loving Paula Poundstone back in the day.
I love the old jokes. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of the biggest reasons I’m not an Amy S. fan is because she’s such a lowbrow role model. All these young girls think if they follow her just be dirty, lead, they’ll be famous too. There’s such an art in comedy writing. Rita R. Is a great example. She’d machine gun her one liners in a little black dress looking so pretty causing your sides to ache. I could go on forever on this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I bet you could, SB.
And umm . . when you speak of Amy S, your claws come out.
LikeLike
Well, there are other reasons I can’t write about involving a friend. Also I love well written comedy. Hicks wrote so deeply. George Carlin, Lenny Bruce. Women only got a shot when they wrote that well. Now anything goes. Trumpism. Like a bad oil spill in every area including laughter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved reading those posts, and while I know it’s not something you will continue except for a certain occasion, I think it’s such beautifully passionate writing. That’s MY two cents on that count.
Yes, smarts is no longer a necessary part of the equation by and large. We’ve gone lowest common denominator all over the place. Yikes . . .
LikeLike
Double yikes.
LikeLike
PS. I’m sorry if I got carried away. I’m honest when I respond. One of the reasons I tend to refrain. There’s always someone offended.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry(less).
Be cool sister, your presence is always a feel good thing for me, so there’s that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There you go agreeing again. Too bad we couldn’t bottle you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d be a dry wine, LOL.
LikeLike
But then we’d have to keep you in the cellar.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t consider that. Well, as long as you leave candles, I guess it’s alright.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And snacks and some vintage Playboys, for the interviews of course.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Woof!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you got Phyllis in there. I saw Rita Rudner in Vegas once and she was not only funny, but classy. As your “George” (Lucy) shows, humor doesn’t have to be raunchy to make you ROFL.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lucy was an all timer. When my kids were little, we would watch her every night. Never gets old.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You guys…hope you enjoyed a nice raspberry wheat or IPA whilst going back and forth. All I can say is…’sock it to me, sock it to me, sock. it. to. me! Seeing Goldie on Laugh-In and remembering all that silliness just makes me smile. Jo Anne Worley, Ruth Buzzi, Lily Tomlin, Judy Carne, what a cast! And the guys weren’t too bad either.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sam and Guinness for me.
And lots of funny videos and texts . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great combo. I’m jonesing for a Kona Brewery LongBoard right about now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmmm. What’s the blueprint on that puppy?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love the Kona Brewery selections. My favorite is either Big Wave (a light bodied golden ale) or the LongBoard (a pale gold lager). Tasty as all get-out. Then there’s the Fire Rock pale ale with its bold flavor. Good stuff, Maynard.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I dig . . I dig!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kilkenny for me 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Boom chacka!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chacka lacka!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
🍺
LikeLiked by 2 people
🍻🍻
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’re on!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I knew I could count on you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
#1 Lucille Ball – Her cough syrup and candy factor sketch can still bring me to tears.
#2 Ellen – she makes mundane conversations funny.
#3 Paula Poundstone – when she was drinking cuz that shit was funny! And I like drunks!
#4 It’s a toss-up – Tina, Amy, Wanda all good choices. How about Betty White, not a stand-up comedian, but damn she’s funny.
And Target – Right!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Veggie Vita! Those two are my favorites!
I love how Ellen does that. She makes it look so easy too.
You happen to be correct on this one.
Betty White is a great get. I would agree.
Booyah!
LikeLiked by 1 person
*factory
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gotcha! 😉
LikeLike
I think Lucille Ball would top most lists but I’m also a big fan of Gilda Radner and Ellen. They never disappoint. Joan River and Phyllis Diller are not from this time but they are timeless and Carol Burnett has to be there somewhere.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gilda was one of a kind. And gone much too soon. I remember Rivers and Diller quite well, and you’re right on.
Burnett had some skits on her show that STILL make me belly laugh.
LikeLiked by 1 person