You are a methodical creature who likes to see all aspects of an issue before deciding which side to join. (Who you kidding? You seriously considered voting for Trump in 2016. Which is akin to choosing an ophthalmologist who specializes in acupuncture. So really, you’re methodically inept. How’s that fit ya?) But just because you are slow by nature does not mean that you are unresponsive. (But it doesn’t NOT mean it either. Hell, you married a woman who confessed to you that she was the lone suspect in the questionable deaths of three former husbands. She made this confession on your first date! After which you figured it would be kitschy if you eloped to Vegas. Your red flag collection is nearing its expiration date . . .) And today, someone will offer you a chance to prove that fact when they come to you for help. (She’s gonna ask you to sign another life insurance policy. And then she’s going to suggest rock climbing. And sometime later, you’ll be the subject of a Lifetime movie. But seeing as how you’ve been played by your wife, the gardener AND your best man Jake . . being played by Chris Pine in a movie ain’t the worst thing.) Faster than anyone else, you will have the answer to a problem that has been puzzling your group for a while. (You’re gonna confess to your closest pals the affair you’ve been having with your secretary. And about how you’re gonna leave your wife for her. They’ll confess their doubts about the wife and you’ll be relieved. Of course, you’re playing checkers while the wife plays chess. Because guess what? She’s sleeping with your secretary as well.) This is a day when you will make a minor but indelible mark on the world. (Because you’re devastated when your secretary breaks it off, so you decide to rededicate yourself to your marriage. You’ll go on that rock climbing expedition. After which Chris Pine will lose out on the starring role to Ryan Reynolds.)
69 thoughts on “Today’s Birthday!”
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What a great Birthday it is. This whole story reminds me of my first marriage. Lucky the movie was wrapped since the plot changed. Well done, Marc.
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Boss,
Nowadays, the movie rights are signed, sealed and delivered before the toe tags get written up. And really, Ryan Reynolds is nothing to sneeze at. It could’ve been worse . . .
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Yes it could have been, Juston Beber
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That thought just sent chills through me . .
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Happened to me when I typed it.
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I bet it did. LOL
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😁
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B,
Lawzy! What a life you lead! Pine will have to dye his hair but you could do much worse…
Q
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Q,
Not I, but to any Taurus dudes out there who think they ARE living la vida loca . . . hire a PI. Just saying, 🙂 I was envisioning a dude I used to work with that I really disliked as I wrote this. He was a cheater/liar/manipulator. And hells, a Lifetime movie would be too good for his likes, never mind Pine.
Gracias lovely!
B (Libra)
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Yanno… this could be F…
Who happens to be a Taurus… definitely NOT a Pine…
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Yeah, you can’t just be doling out the Pine all willy nilly. The peeps who get Pine HAVE to provide some kind of way into that role . . otherwise they can have Paul Giamatti . . .
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This is quite true. One must have standards…
Now don’t be dissing Giamatti. He is a fine actor.
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Yes he’s a fine actor, but he ain’t the GQ that a sociopath of a husband with a philandering wife would choose to play him in a movie.
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Most Def Not.
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But not for nothing, I’d take Giamatti to play me in a movie any day. Looks fade, but talent like that will keep on.
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He’s too short for you, bring tallish and all. 😉
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In Hollywood, it’s hard to tell, what with all the props they give these dudes to look same height.
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There is that… 😉😁
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Tom Cruise is made to look tallish, even though he’s on the short side.
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Way short. He’s shorter’n me! That’s why I was so upset they cast him as the Vampire Lestat – who was supposed to be a good 6’2″!
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Of course! What is up with these casting peeps? Are they doing the auditions laying down? Well . . maybe.
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I dunno…
That might be it!
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It IS Hollywood, after all.
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Hmm, I think I may have dated this guy. He sounds all too familiar. 🤣
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Ooooooooohhhh! I am so sorry about that. Yeah . . I had to summon the memories of a particular individual for this one. He would have deserved such a fate.
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😊My past dating luck is legendary for all the wrong reasons.
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You’re in good company here, Monika.
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We probably all have a few tire tracks across our hearts❣️
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No doubt about it.
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I havent been around in awhile…you’ve changed up your pad here…took me a bit to relearn everything 🤣 Haha this was the first thing I read. Thanks for the giggles.
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Why if it isn’t Queen of the Game of Homes! Hope you’re doing well, Miss Vintage. Yeah . . there will be another change coming soon.
Sorry this was the first thing you read, LOL.
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Hahaha well isn’t that a lovely title for me :-p ok well I guess that encourages me to make sure I’m more timely checking back in 😉 I wanna be in on the new scoop
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Your talents for making yesterday’s accent pieces a once more proposition are an inspiration. And yes, that was a Carpenters shout out, which I found to be appropriate.
Peace and vintage 🙂
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Reminding me I need to do a vintage article again 😁
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Hey . . if that’s what comes of this exchange, I consider myself to be winning! 🙂
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Let me just say, if I voted for Trump in 2016, I’d never admit it.
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Good thing we don’t have to keep such a thing secret. 🙂
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You said it Mr. Imma. I never could play the Trumpet.
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Nor could I. Phew!
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We’re more drummers, or piano players.
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They’re the tortured artists, after all . . .
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You can be Sam in Casablanca. Do you mind being Black? I could be Buddy Rich playing Wipe Out. 🙂
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Not at all. He was a singer and a drummer, which is in keeping. And of course . . Rich being the drummer, 🙂
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Okay…might be fun being a man of color for the night.
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I am familiar and comfortable in the role.
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I can see it.
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I scored the role!
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PS I always am on the side of the secretary, who performs her job whether it’s typing, taking short hand, long hand or giving a hand job, if you will happy to be of service. The Missus, of course, is never home, forgets to pick up his shirts and wonders why pray tell, he strayed with a little nobody, who types. My 1 and a half cents.
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Buahahaha!
When in doubt, it might be the secretary . . .
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She works so hard after all.
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And if the Boss ain’t careful, her due diligence will result in a special delivery nine months hence.
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OOH
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That’s what she said.
Sorry, but you set me up for that! 🙂
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Oh Mr. Imma, such a cyber web we weave.
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When first we practice to retrieve, the words that make us all believe . . .
Sorry, artistic license took the wheel.
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That little prankster.
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He is . .
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Dude. I haven’t been here in a long time and it appears you’ve redecorated the joint and it looks nice! I need something too, but NOT of Met Gala proportions: I hadn’t read a piece like this in a while, I always enjoyed your fiction, and the twists and turns it took, all the while making me laugh. Good stuff, bud.
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You’re the second person to make mention of it today. And as I told the first peep, Imma be re-doing it again. That Drinks joint spoiled me for themes. It was so dang perfect I never really paid any mind to changing it!
This one was a WP quickie. A reboot on an old favorite from my very first blog waaaaay back in the day.
Thank you Cali. 🙂
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This reads like a series of bad fortune cookies. You need to find a new Chinese joint.
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You ain’t kidding! But alas . . I cannot help myself when it comes to interjecting my thoughts into these horoscopes. It’s an old habit of mine . . can’t kick it.
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Dear Marco,
This is hilarious. I’ll be sure to set my DVR to record when the movie comes out on Lifetime. Fun stuff. Glad I stopped by to read.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle,
Methinks Chris Pine and Ryan Reynolds would both refuse the role, seeing as how they’re still all about the silver screen.
Maybe HBO?
Shalom,
Marco
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An ophthalmologist specializing in acupuncture. Damn … and to think I’ve visit the eye doc tomorrow. …. but I wonder how and the heck this came out of anyone’s mind. Somebody needs to hire you as a screenwriter.
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This was inspired by a fellow I used to know and a couple I stood behind in line the other day. I merged the two. No performance enhancing drugs were necessary. I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing . . .
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haha love this post!
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Thank you OG. It was a runaway train . . .
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I blame it on Game of Thrones. All that repressed anxiety over how the last two episodes are gonna work themselves out.
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hehehe makes sense!
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