If you know my blog at all, you know I ain’t down with the haiku. There’s a reason for that, and it’s rather simple. I’m shit for when it comes to budgeting my words. When it comes to thoughts put to paper, I spend more than a Washington bureaucrat after a three Martini breakfast.
That’s why my attempts at poetry and haiku are (unintentionally) hilarious. I don’t dig on greeting cards, I have nothing to talk about on Twitter and I cannot for the life of me figure out how the whole 5 to 7 to 5 thing makes any sense. But . . . Imma try a haiku on for size since it’s Tuesday. And as far as horoscopes are concerned, I’ve given Taurus enough beatings. (Gemini? You’re in my batter’s box).
Without further to do, a haiku.
Things overheard in line at Starbucks
Skim, soy and angry
A specific pettiness
These people suck balls
A perfect haiku!!!
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Hahaha!
After standing in line this morning, the inspiration was filling my cup. Free of charge at that. No whip.
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B,
Love it! It is exactly what a Haiku is supposed to be – ironic, snarky, funny… and you say you can’t write ’em. Pffft.
Q
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Q,
The inspiration was easy thanks to my experience this morning at Starbucks. Where I listened to a Gucci Mama whine about her first world problems while her friend pretended to be paying attention whilst battling the after effects of too much red wine the night before.
It made me realize that if we ever had an actual emergency in this country? We might very well be doomed. As fuck.
Thank you kindly.
B
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Nothing better for a writer than observing the ridiculous.
Nah.. don’t worry about an actual emergency in your country…. no, wait. Yeah, worry.
Most welcome.
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Baristas should get combat pay. Because Starbucks customers . . . when they suck, they really suck.
We ARE an actual emergency. But I mean . . like a catastrophe of epic proportions. Even worse than the one we’re currently experiencing. Which, I know . . it’s hard to imagine such a thing.
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They really should. Honestly when I hear some of the orders, I just look at them and raise my shoulders and shake my head in commiseration…
You mean there is no Ben Afleck, no Tom Cruise, no Bruce Willis, no…. to come and save you?
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I could never do it. I’d be letting loose with a howitzer of four lettered bullets the first time someone bitched at me for giving them soy when they CLEARLY stated almond.
Nope. Not even a Dennis Quaid.
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My friend told me about her sister ordering a whatever the hell with lots of foam. Received her cup and judged the weight – No! I told you lots of foam. This is too heavy. What in the fuckity fuck?
Dang… you are up shit’s creek…
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Ahhh . . yeah, no.
I didn’t come across any of that nonsense this morning. But I am always on the look out for nasty now. Seeing as how I am not employed by Starbucks, I ain’t gonna stand there and listen to some needle nosed twit berate a human being over a cup of overpriced Joe.
And Mister Rogers is no longer with us, so yeah . .
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I would not last a day filling out these types of orders.
They are the worst. Ordering ridiculous then bitching about their order. You will find lots of nasty in these types of joints. Well, less over here, maybe. After all my friend’s sister does live in Connecticut now so maybe she got ‘Muricanized.
Yeah. Well. Maybe Wonder Woman will swoop in…
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Me either.
We are owed EVERYTHING. It’s the land of entitlement. Where lattes are a birthright.
She’s back in her old neighborhood. Things look bleak.
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It’s ridonkulous.
And no, dammit, we are NOT. Where this sense of entitlement comes from is beyond me.
Damn… they do
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Alls I know is that I would lead a posse in the zombie apocalypse. These peeps best stay out of our way, because hell will hath no fury like a bunch of common sense peeps with nothing to lose.
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I’m part of that posse, right?
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You sure is. Don’t forget your sidearms and bourbon.
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No worries. I’ll come properly equipped!
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Oh yeah, what I said just now.
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š
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š
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š
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š
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š
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I figure the most important possessions on the flip side of civilization will be liquor, firearms, prescripts, soap and of course . . more liquor.
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Yeah… Would be nice to have some jerky or something to nosh on…
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Bwahaha. You’re pretty dang good at Haiku, Marc. Trust me. Bt I’m with you, those limited poetry or word count challenges…definitely not my jam. Then again, I was always rather more fond of honey than that icky grapey stuff. š¤¢
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Monika,
This one came easy, thanks to the inspiration of an actual line at Starbucks this morning.
SO not my jam. When I try to do poetry, it feels as if I’m trying to jam all of Kim Kardashian’s shoes into a single mailbox.
Honey woiks!
And here’s to Starbucks baristas, whose service is unappreciated by the elitist coffee heads.
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šš»If elitist means enjoying good coffee, then guilty as charged.
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You ain’t no elitist. I’m referring to the Gucci Mamas and Peloton Papas who bully these baristas into incoherence. Those peeps suck balls.
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Sadly my neighborhood is fully of them. Cretin punks! š
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Mine too. They’re multiplying!
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Theyāre like freakin rabbits the way theyāre multiplying! Gah. Talk about an invasion. šæ
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Invasion of the Body Snatchers was a cupcake sale compared to this.
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š¤£ You come up with the best lines!
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LOL! I think it’s the company I keep! Y’all keep me on my toes. š
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And weāre richer for it! Way to go twinkle toes!š
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https://images.app.goo.gl/pNHPJyGRWxvEUdbL7
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Haha! Yes, but can you dance backwards? šš¼šŗš¼
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Only in my sleep.
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š
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Ok…you made me smile. Enough said…
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You’re WAY better at brevity than me, LA. š
And gracias, mucho.
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š
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I’m inspired!
“Just half a Splenda”
While chatting on her cell phone —
Make it yourself, bitch.
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Half a Splenda? Sure. Full beating? Of course!
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Seriously!
My former barista self thanks you for the combat pay suggestion. So true!
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De nadir! And thank YOU for your service.
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Holding forth on Fridays with my JohnKu allows me to say this was terrific, Marc. Here is a little something to make you smile. https://youtu.be/B9mpDAJOPac
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That song is PERFECT for this post, John!
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George kills me.
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He’s George again!
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true
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I miss his George. Everything else he’s played, not so much.
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Haiku a-choo. Couldn’t pen one with an Uzi to my head.
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Those fuckers are damn near impossible to figure out.
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That is a marvelous haiku, ka choo, Magoo.
Keep me far, far away from latte frappe crappee.
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Hahaha! Thanks Eilene.
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Bwahahahah ā¦. a wonderful start to my day – especially because I seldom drink coffee.
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I tried out one of those syrupy, overpriced caramel frappes with sea salt and extra caramel drizzle. It was really good, but let’s face it . . it was dessert. No coffee involved.
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