This is to intimate you of a very important information which will be of a Great help to redeem you from all the difficulties you have been Experiencing in getting your long over due payment due to excessive demand For money from you by both corrupt Bank officials and Courier Companies After which your fund remain unpaid to you.
I am Mr. Gene Leon. The Senior Resident Representative of the International Monetary Fund (IMF) Nigeria – Africa, it may interest you to know that reports have reached Our office by so many correspondences on the uneasy way which people like You are treated by Various Banks and Courier Companies across Europe to Africa and Asia and we have decided to put a stop to that and that is why i was appointed to handle your transaction here in Nigeria.
All Governmental and Non-Governmental parasites, NGOs, Finance Companies, Banks, Security Companies and Courier companies which have been in contact With you of late have been instructed to back up from your transaction and You have been advised NOT to respond to them anymore since the IMF is now Directly in charge of your payment.You are hereby advised NOT to remit further payment to any institutions With respect to your transaction as your fund will be transferred to you directly from our source. I hope this is clear. Any action contrary to this instruction is at your own risk. Respond to my Email with immediate effect and we shall give you further details on how your fund will be released.
Also call me as soon as you send the e-mail so that you will be given an immediate response: Direct Hotline: CALL: +234-8165-473-8999
Mr. Gene Leon
Dear Mr. Leon,
Pardon me for saying, but your name is clumsier than Mike Huckabee at a strip club. You’ve got two first names, either of which is fine by its lonesome, but together? It reads like an E.L. James novel. As in, derivative and pointless. And umm . . not to be a backseat writer but I think the word you’re looking for is inform, not intimate. Also, you are UPPER CASE happy when lower case works plenty fine. Hey Boss, nothing personal . . strictly b’ness.
And speaking of b’ness, you guys must be on a mission from God (Or as I refer to him, John Belushi) because these fucking bank officials and courier companies suck harder than the New York Mets bullpen. Just the other day, I was paying for my grande Graceland Pillbox PB&J Banana Grilled Cheese Frappuccino (no whip) at a Starbucks on the Ivory Coast when the barista informed me my Diner’s Club card had been declined! You can imagine my embarrassment, after having watched that poor girl hand craft my drink for an hour and a half . . and I didn’t have a single Franc with which to pay for it. And let’s not even go into what I had to do in order to get back home. Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .
And fret not, I ain’t about to let those parasitical bastards anywhere near my propers until I hear from y’all. I’ll just tell ’em IMFU! You know, you guys at the IMF are like the nerdy high school girl in one of those John Hughes flicks who is best friends with the main character and he doesn’t realize she’s the one until the last ten minutes. Shit, now I can’t get the Thompson Twins out of my head.
Imma hold off on calling you on account of all those numbers. Jesus, is that a phone number or the national debt? Just hit me back with an email, and think about a name change, coo?
Hasta la pasta,