It was only a matter of time before one of my shticks ran into another one of my shticks, after which they grabbed a drink and then decided to get a room and make snarky. So this week, Speaking Of meets Heroes.
We’ll start with Presidente Trump, who’s back again. This time for reneging on his ‘promise’ to push all his chips for tighter background checks on gun purchases. For all his bluster, he’s looking mighty weak.
Speaking of . . . weak. Baker Mayfield threw shade at New York Giants rookie Daniel Jones in a GQ article. And then social media sushi rolled his critique into spicy bites, and then he walked it back and blamed the media for taking him out of context. That’s a punk move.
Speaking of . . . punk move. Ezekiel Elliot is holding out for a big payday two years short of free agency . . by vacationing in Mexico. Never mind he’s been a knucklehead off the field since getting to Dallas. Now little Zeke is upset because Jerry Jones made light of his holdout. Oh little Zeke, grow up.
Speaking of . . . little boys. I have no interest in watching the Little League World Series. Because I’m a grown man, and as such, I ain’t down with watching little boys play baseball. But ESPN never met an endeavor they couldn’t exploit.
Speaking of . . . exploitation. Union workers for Shell received overtime pay for attending a Trump rally at a Monaca, Pennsylvania plant recently. Those who didn’t attend received nada. Officials for Shell said it was a ‘bonus’ that didn’t affect the workers not in attendance. But when pay for yay! gets political, we’re going the way of Norman Jewison’s Rollerball.
Speaking of . . . derbies. The peeps in Chitown have this really cool tradition where they flood the Chicago River with rubber ducks. The event helps to raise money for the Illinois Special Olympics. Last year’s races raised $425,000 dollars for the cause.
Speaking of . . . raising money for a good cause. Diesel Pippert is a seventh grader from Ohio who has this philanthropy thing down cold. After earning $15,000 in livestock premiums at the county fair’s animal auction, he donated all of it to St. Jude Children’s Resarch Hospital. The kid is a businessman with a soulful bottom line.
Speaking of . . . bottom line businesses. The NFL actually put its money where its mouth was with next gen helmets that will keep players safe. The new helmets were good enough for every player but Antonio Brown, who makes our Heroes post for the third week in a row. First AB threatened to retire and then he threatened to sue the league, before finally giving in and showing up to camp. For now.
Speaking of . . . happy campers. Ali and Linds B adopted a pit-bull this week. He’s a year and a half old and his name is Fig. He has an amazing smile, gives great kisses and he happens to be one hell of a sous chef. He hung out with me in the kitchen as I constructed my loaded nachos for their get together. What a mighty good boy.
Speaking of . . . good boys. Darby White is a 100 lb pit-bull pup who was chilling in the family Jeep when he saw his owner James being attacked by a shark he had caught while fishing in Sonoma County, California. Darby worked the car handle open and then loosed the shark from James’s leg. From now on, James should take up chess.
Speaking of . . . sharks. Jeffrey Epstein signed a will just two days before . . . umm . . killing himself. His estate was valued at more than half a billion dollars, but his playlist of scumbag friends won’t be nearly as available now that he’s gone.
Speaking of . . . spineless snots. Recently, a neighbor of Randa Ragland sent the struggling mom an anonymous note bitching about the condition of her property and how it was affecting the resale value of other homes in the neighborhood. Never mind that Ragland’s husband had lost his job, she was dealing with health issues and her three year old son was just diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma. After Ragland posted the note on Facebook, her Pinson, Alabama neighbors sent her a different kind of message: A lawn service took care of her yard, while others tidied the house and bought the family some groceries. That’s how you dollar bill a nickel and dime fool.
Speaking of . . . bills. Wesley Ryan of San Antonio had plenty of them back in 2001 when his wife Laura was battling an aggressive form of ovarian cancer. So he made the decision to sell his beloved ’93 Mustang GT in order to cover the medical bills. Last September, his kids tracked down the car on Craigslist and bought it back for him. And that right there is a good story, but it gets better. Executive Chairman Bill Ford of Ford Motor Co. saw video of that reunion, after which he enlisted Hennessey Performance to give it a complete makeover and bring back its old school purr. Wesley took it for a spin earlier this month after a surprise unveiling at Ford World Headquarters, wife Laura at his side.
Speaking of . . . better days. Eleven year old Ruben Martinez of El Paso, Texas is challenging everyone in his hometown to do twenty two good deeds- one for each victim of the Walmart shooting earlier this month. The #ElPasoChallenge asks peeps in the 915 to do some good, any kind of good. It could be in the form of mowing a neighbor’s lawn, buying someone a cup of Joe, or checking in on an elderly neighbor. Basically, anything that’ll brighten up a person’s day.
It wouldn’t be the worst idea if the folks in Washington played along. They could even take credit for it. As long as it got us somewhere better, I’m sure the kid wouldn’t mind one bit.