Achieving the Impossible . . . ish

My first order of bidness this morning is to thank the lovely Q for the brand spanking new header we got going on here at Sorryless. I asked her for something clean and cool, and she delivered . . righteously.

Imma dish up a foodie post after a rather prolonged dry spell. Yeah, it seems me and Linds B were really just a one trick pony express when it came to foodie posts, but seeing as how it was the legendary Cubano we were shaking loose . . hells yes we’re good with that. Mariano Rivera milked his one pitch arsenal of a cut fastball to Cooperstown, so it’s plenty understandable that peeps still mention our Cubano posts.

And now that I’ve matriculated your appetite into a certain school of thought, lemme just temper your excitement some by letting you know that I’m reviewing a fast food burger. More specifically, the Impossible Whopper that Burger King began rolling out this past spring.

Mi abuelo spoke his plant based logic with yuca and platanos, partnering ’em up with lechon and arroz con gandules, and whiskey. Plenty of whiskey. As far as he was concerned, the idea of tucking plants into a burger would’ve been akin to kissing Fidel Castro’s ring.

I probably had Alberto in mind when I was chilling to the old town propers of Celia Cruz, Benny More, Joseito Fernandez and company on Sunday morning. I partnered up my Cafe Bustelo with plenty of leche and azucar, seeing as how I have Habana on speed dial when it comes to my java tooth. And then I made pancakes for the girl and me. I dressed hers in cinnamon and mine with a couple spicy eggs with the top down.

20191013_103354.jpg

After checking on the Miami score and finding my Dolphins in the hole by a score of 7-3 to the Washington Dumpster Fireballs, I invented a few curse words and then told the girl I was contemplating the Impossible Whopper.

“You in?” I asked.

“I guess?” Was her reply.

“Coo as schoo! Imma get us a bunch of those onion rings that have no onions in ’em too. Maybe we can do a science experiment!”

“Small . . . not a bunch. Thank you,”

“Okay mom,” I said, grabbing my keys and high fiving Mr Speaker on the way out.

I hopped in the car and threw on some Black Keys. And then I started thinking about my favorite Burger King moments. It wasn’t easy, since I’m simpatico with Vincent Vega in that I’m more Arches than Crown when I dabble in the recreational facility of minute burgers.

Alas, I was able to rummage a scant few memories out of the way back (bun pun intended) and I ended up with a top three list.

1- Me and Ellen Bauer hitting a Burger King drive thru after seeing Risky Business. After which she took all her Tom Cruise flash-dance fever out on me in the backseat of her old man’s Riviera. Making me a Tom Cruise fan for life.
2- Going to Flatbush with the old man to hit some balls at the batting cages. We’d picked up some Burger King on the way. And then I dropped our shakes on the way in and then the old man jumped his fucking height while saying motherfucker in a couple different languages. And then I was on the ground laughing my ass off.
3- Me and the boys hitting Five Towns on the way back from an Islanders game after watching Wayne Gretzky play hockey. Joey wanted to break his fucking knee caps, and so he wasn’t cool with my opinion that we’d just witnessed the greatest player to ever take the ice.

So yeah, Burger King ain’t my jam. But riding shotgun with a professional vegetarian supplied me with the plenty mucho to some gusto. After which the Impossible became a Mission worth figuring out. With or without Tom Cruise. Who, oh by the way, made the Mission Impossible movies worth it, all by his crazy lonesome. But that’s another post for another time.

Mission Accomplished

I rolled up and parked, because I ain’t familiar with fast food menus so I always need to win my knowledge from the inside. After which I ordered up two Impossibles, two small onion rings and a ten piece chicken nuggets. The nuggets were insurance in the event the Impossible sucked balls. Of course, I was still gonna eat my insurance, because it’s a scientific fact that fast food turns into concrete if not consumed within thirty minutes.

Back home, I shuffled up the deck and we toasted our Impossibles to those highest of hopes Old Blue Eyes once crooned on. Diving into our first bites, we vanquished our respective midday growls sans cutlery or pride. And then we tallied up the score with  mathematics (her thing) and silly reasoning (mine). And we arrived at the same verdict.

20191013_141140.jpg

It was a hot minute of ayt. Passing grade but nothing more than that.

She thought it a minor league version of the major league remedies she can cook up with nary a moo in the making. Good but not great. Fine but not fabulous. Possible, with no need for the exclamatory Im. And I was thankful for having ordered up those nuggets, because from the first bite of my Who-Burger, I knew what my taste buds were buying. And damn if mi abuelito wasn’t right about sticking to the real thing.

I miss that OG.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

58 thoughts on “Achieving the Impossible . . . ish

  1. B,

    First off, you are most welcome. So happy you like.

    Cubano posts were a thing all right – enough to get ME on the bandwagon! Mind you, my two posts were meh as we never found a good joint but that’s another story. And here we are October and I didn’t even go once this summer. Things gotta change over heah.

    Just reading the description of your abuelo’s food has me hankering for some Cubano eats.

    Course, now that you have taunted and teased us, bringing us into your Sunday mood, I now have a hankering for pancakes and eggs (with a little slice of ham tucked in between). Too bad I have to go to work. Sigh.

    Love your daughter’s… uh… enthusiasm and attempt at keeping you healthy,

    I absolutely LOVE that scene in Pulp Fiction and to this day, say Burger King in the same manner as Vincent!

    Funny… I never could get into Burger King either. I’ll do McD’s once in a blue moon and immediately regret it as less than an hour later I am hungry.

    Drive-in menus are a pain in the ass because they are incomplete. The menus inside the “restaurant’ are a pain in the ass as they rotate and you think something isn’t available but it is – you just weren’t patient enough to watch the whole rotation – I say this as if I don’t always take the same crap each time…

    So, thanks to your review of the Impossible Whopper (seriously? stoopid name), I shall not be in any rush to go out and spend my hard-earned cash – and let’s face it, fast food does not come on the side of cheap.

    I thought I had seen every single one of The Piano Guys’ videos! Thanks for letting me know I had not.

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q,

      It was fun, and delicious, while it lasted. Nothing ever seemed to be quite as exciting as the Cubano.

      I know right? I think I’ll be cooking up a meal soon, now that the weather is turning cooler.

      Pancakes and eggs is good stuff indeed.

      Ari is the health conscious one in the family. If I followed her daily regimen, I would feel so much better.

      Love everything about Pulp Fiction.

      Not a Burger King fan at all. They do a pretzel burger now, which gave me the idea of doing an ACTUAL pretzel burger rather than the crap they come up with.

      And speaking of crap, I love how peeps think the plant based Whopper is better for them. Uh . . they really need to check those ingredients, LOL.

      I do too! I never keep up with the latest shit these fast food joints are peddling.

      Nope. It’s expensive! I could have had the kids over and cooked up a much better burger feast- replete with veggie and beef burgers- for less than what we spent the other day.

      With Lindsey! That’s what I call bonus round. 😉

      And special thank you’s once again for this most beautificent header! You rock!

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • I hear ya. Maybe eventually something else will spark off another search 😉

        Absolutely. I can’t say I am sorry about cooler weather. Comes a time one wants to go back to comfort food – something I avoid in the summer heat.

        It’s poifect.

        Maybe ya should just a tad more often 😉

        It is SUCH a good movie and with each viewing, one sees something else.

        What is up with the love for pretzel burgers?

        Oh hell naw – I betcha there is nary a legume in there…

        And the are always peddling something “new”, trying to convince us they are healthy for us. Puh-leeze.

        Very. And had a nice salad as a side 😉

        Totally! I guess it was a matter of time before the matching violin and cello made their way to each other.

        Again, you are most welcome. I was just waiting for the Q – okay, cue…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Well I know one thing for certain. It won’t be tacos.

          Ari started it up with butternut squash/cauliflower soup. And so we are off and running now!

          I really should, and have been. You can tell the difference almost right away.

          I used to have arguments with my friend Emie about Pulp Fiction vs Reservoir Dogs. I was all about Pulp Fiction and she argued Reservoir Dogs was better. I mean . . it’s really a matter of taste. But Pulp Fiction seems to be leading in the clubhouse.

          I make mine with beer cheese, which is a nice compliment to the pretzel and the burger. No ketchup, Nope.

          There are a lot of extenders and unrecognizable ingredients in it.

          Everything is a sell.

          Yep, it was a cool video.

          The cue from Q for the score!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Uh. No. That ship has sailed and hit a sand bar from the get go!

            Way to go, Ari! Iain made his Solyanka soup – so good.

            I am with you re Pulp Fiction. But honestly, isn’t it a matter of taste? Though Pulp Fiction is decidedly better 😉 And, now, we have to add “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”…

            Yummy. I’ll take one…

            Blech.

            Everything is.

            Very! They have the best videos!

            Thought you would like that one 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • We hit a couple of sand bars, in between the dive bars. And not a taco to tattle on. Sad.

            Soup’s on.

            If I was asked for my go to Tarantino flick, it will be Pulp Fiction. Between the music, the ensemble cast and the lines, I can watch it over and over again.

            Dee.Lish.

            Not so Dee.Lish.

            And when you add Ms Stirling to the mix, that’s just peach.

            Mmm, Hmm.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Guess the taco world just didn;t make it to Lancaster 😉

            Yeah baby! Love autumn and winter for the variety of soups we make.

            Same. The first time I watched it, I came out of the movies saying – What the fuck was that? And the more we spoke of it, the more I appreciated it. Then, after watching twice or thrice… each time more enjoyable.

            Yep and yep!

            Oh yeah. She does add an extra touch!

            Sweet

            Liked by 1 person

          • No kidding. Good thing I can make ’em up.

            Hey! You gave me an idea for the Halloween party now . . .

            And for the fall/winter as well. Maybe Imma make up some taco soup.

            True! It seemed a mess of different things going on, especially because I was comparing it to Dogs at the time. Dogs was much more focused and clean. But . . . the standard bearer showed itself each time I watched it after that.

            Both!

            Fo sho.

            You uh . . mean schweet!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Exackery. Besides, we already know that whatever we make ourselves is tons better than the shite out there.

            Oooh… You’re welcome.

            You say Fall, I say Autumn – this way I get to “U’s” in… as for taco soup. Yessiree… now I’m gonna have to make some!

            Yes! I saw Dogs only once. Can’t compare.

            Of course, I mean schweet!

            Liked by 1 person

          • So much better. I grill my pretzel bun and then butter it up. Caramelized onions, beer cheese and my burger. Yumagnifique!

            The taco soup with crunchy croutons or something in the neighborhood of ’em. Or crusty bread. And beer. Yep . . . .

            No comparison. Dog was an excellent movie, but completely different and truth be told, depressing as fuck. Pulp Fiction has a lot of fucked up shit going on, but it’s a feel good fucked up shit kinda vibe.

            I said it, but you said it bettah.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Oh lordy… I had no supper and I read this? ‘Tis torture, to be sure.

            Yes, yes and yes! You’re killing me here.

            None. And yes, I do remember it being depressing. Pulp Fiction was fucked up in all the right ways.

            Awww…

            Liked by 1 person

          • Welp, I get what you’re saying about Americans loving pretzel burgers. But I’m not down with any kind of predictable, and most certainly I ain’t down with the American way of doing most business. Like sliders . . for instance. Why sliders? I mean, go big or go drive thru dammit!

            No intention whatsoevs . . .

            The whole relationship between Roth and Keitel was totally fucked up. And how it spiraled into the shit storm that everybody else ended up paying for. I mean, there were precious few lighter moments. Like Buscemi with the tips and Madsen cutting off the ear and talking to it . . which was totally fucked up in a hilarious way.

            🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • I’m sure you do. I don’t dig on predictable myself. And sliders are for those who ain’t even making an effort. Gimme a break.

            Glad to know that as I eat my leftover carro-cumin-coco soup.

            The whole damn thing was fucked up.

            Like

  2. So, I’m one of the few people of my generation who never smoked pot — never, ever really had any interest in it at all. Much like the rest of America, I feel the same way about the Impossible Burger. Thank you for trying it and reporting on the results so I don’t have to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s way overrated, based on the few times I’ve done it. I’ve always been good with alcohol. Excepting for a really bad romance with pain killers for a time.

      The Impossible Burger is very much just okay. And totally not worth the price OR the faux health benefits, since there are none. It’s probably WORSE for you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Funny thing is that with cannabis legal in California now, I am consuming an edible to help me sleep. I don’t do it to get stoned or high. And I think it works. I don’t wake up nearly as frequently as I did before I started with the edible.

        And, yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Impossible Burger is actually worse for us. Just as eggs were killing us a few decades ago and now the consensus seems to be that everybody should eat 83 eggs a week…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. As a long time vegetarian I’ve thought about trying out the newest entry to the fast food world and then I remembered, it’s fast food without the Michelin stars. I think I’ll save my pesos for some excellent sipping anejo tequila. For the record, I like to leverage my pesos. 🥃

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love the new header and happy to see even a glimpse of Pulp Fiction on Mr. Imma’s site. UMA UMA UMA. I’m chanting, and this was BP…before plastic surgery. Oh Uma, if only you had called first.

    As for my culinary tastes…haven’t had beef in 30 years, not since I bonded with a cow upstate I still think about. I looked into those big brown eyes, and all burgers went south.

    Beans? Eh…Sorry Dale…they leave too much in their wake that can affect one’s social life.

    I dunno Mr. Imma, but I liked this.

    UMA UMA UMA!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love it when someone of note (That’s you) steps up to take an epicurean bullet for me. I can now continue to eat outstanding turkey burgers found here in Austin without having to worry about the next step. Of course, you wouldn’t catch me dead in a Burger King but that is a whole other story of no beef for thirty years. Well done my man.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. that Serling MI video was pretty awesome – and thanks for letting us know how the burger turned out – I do not mind them making a veggie burger – but let’s call it that and still offer the beef, It bothers me that so many folks are negative about life-giving beef products – I know there as the slime back in the day – and other issues with corn-fed beef – but red meat for me – and chicken.
    laughed at your memories and also – nice way to integrate Cruise and the whole mission thing. clever

    Liked by 1 person

    • God I love that woman. SO talented. And when you put her crazy science with the Piano Guys? It’s just a grand slam choice.

      Me too! I don’t think I could ever give up beef and chicken. I mean . . if I HAD to yeah. But I hope I never have to.

      Mission Impossible was never a thing for me. I never watched the show, and I was dubious about the movie. Until I saw it. Tom Cruise is the only reason I was into the MI movie franchise. That guy is nuts, but worth the price of admission.

      And update! Two days into the Spirit of 76 with a half hour logged yesterday and twenty minute walk today.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 🙂
        and
        thanks for the walking update – 20 minutes for me today and 35 yesterday!
        thanks again for doing this with me – woo hoo –
        are you going to keep track of how long you walk? maybe we should and we can post about it when we are all done – or not
        but I also took some photos of weird things on the street on both walks.
        There is a new neighborhood going up near us and I think some people go there and park sometimes –

        Liked by 1 person

        • We are kicking ace!

          Actually, I just record time. I don’t have a set time, excepting for that it has to be at least twenty minutes worth of walk. Since I’m not running, I don’t put my Fitbit on “run”. I just stopwatch it.

          I’m not a picture taker, but I can always write on my thoughts from time to time. That will be my ‘thousand words’ so to speak. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • Hey amiga.

            This Spirit of ’76 gig has been a revelation. I’ve walked every day AND I got back to running. In between making partay all weekend, came two days of solid running followed by twenty minute walks afterward . . in keeping.

            Glad we decided to partake! 🙂

            Like

          • Oh nice…. hope your running is going well too!
            and today I am sore (did a tough yoga class last night) but rather than skipping – I have a slow walk planned – and so I am glad for the time goal versus “step count”
            be in touch again soon –
            🤸🏼‍♂️

            Liked by 1 person

          • Prior,

            The running is going very well. I started stretching, which is really doing me some good as well. I agree on the time goal. I have a Fitbit, and there was a time when I became obsessed with getting a certain number of steps a day. Now I simply KNOW I will hit my daily goal of 10 K. I don’t check it much at all any longer.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Hi there – I missed two days since we started this – but I feel okay with it because I was not going to force either day. And one of the days I still did a tone of walking with shopping and all that – ((so maybe step count would work in some ways – but I like the whole idea of “new every day” getting a little walk in for the digestive system and body aligning – forgot how awesome a good walk can help with that))
            I am going to try and not miss too many more days – but okay with the two.
            and woohoo – so glad you are stretching and getting to that 10K goal (tip of the hat amigo)

            and hope your day is going well.
            I think of you on almost every walk – and sometimes take photos – like yesterday there was a toothbrush on the ground – lol
            – and many of my walks my hubs has been joining me on – and my son and his gf came once…
            oh and guess what else saw two neighbors – one I have not said hi to in like ten years – how cool is that?

            Liked by 1 person

          • I missed two days also! So . . we really are still in sync! Buahahaha!

            As with you, the “Spirit” is still very strong. I’ve lost six pounds thus far, thanks to a new old fashioned way of doing business with my running regimen. I cut down to 2-3 times a week now for the rest of the fall/winter so the brisk walking has helped keep me motivated quite well.

            It’s ALL cool! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Susannah Bianchi Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.