First Draft Horoscopes: Sagittarius!


Your Birthday! – You’ve got a big personality, according to you. Your assertive ways sometimes lead to combative disagreements with others. So if you happen to live in Rhode Island, Texas, Nevada, Florida, South Carolina . . or any vicinity whose police department airs on Live PD? Then you might be a star if you keep this shit up!

Restlessness is another of your personality traits. But unlike William Fichtner or Margo Martindale, your particular shot of the stuff is not artful in the least. In fact, you would do well to deconstruct that edge with some yoga before you go deconstructing another hotel room; especially one in Vegas, where the amortization schedules rhyme with vig.

On the upside, you have a very open nature. You are an open book . . you wear your emotions on your sleeve . . and you absolutely love worn out cliches that paint you in a positive light . . so, you’re welcome.

You are the kind of person who knows what they want, and you never hesitate to share this want with others. No matter how many times HR drags your ass into the office to discuss the matter. And to your credit, you work hard to achieve the things that matter most to you. Problem is, most of these things are vices; so your best job fits are A)Drug Dealer, B)Pimp, C)Both.

Don’t stop believing. And don’t blame Steve Perry when you fuck that up too!



52 thoughts on “First Draft Horoscopes: Sagittarius!

  1. B,

    You were not kidding! But yanno what? This is rather accurate with some of the Sagis I know… πŸ˜‰

    Those restless ways ain’t never got the time for yoga so great suggestion but…

    This is so good. And of course, great song. How the hell do you find these?


    Liked by 1 person

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