I was asked recently why I don’t blog more when I dish on WP. It was one of those questions I never thought about until it was pasted to the thin air above my head. I was busy tucking steam into my response when I just stopped in my tracks and declared Yahtzee.
The thing is, I don’t build a blog post or an article or an essay based on a definition. I just write the hell out of an idea, best I can. Sometimes it works for me and sometimes I’m not crazy about the finished product. Which is why I go back and do it again, because that’s what defines bloggers, writers, poets and peeps who jot down notes on cocktail napkins. A habit. It’s the only common theme that matters. Style is just details.
The question was posed in reference to my Heroes episodes, whose format borrows from something you’d find in a newspaper or magazine. As far as language is concerned, I primp my vowels and curl my consonants and celebrate the idea that words are fantastic beasts if you know how to feed them. My regard to keywords- the scrolls of blog establishmentarian- is woeful. But whereas certain real deal writers on WP offer up footnotes, I express lane it in blog-like fashion with hyperlinks. So I’m a hybrid, and judging by a lot of peeps I read . . it’s the new fashioned way.
So that’s why I refer to my Friday menu as episodes. Because they slice that middle ground like a hot knife through butter. And here are a few stories that were dropped from Heroes because they would’ve harshed the new mellow. . .
- Twitter is where common sense goes to die, further proven by the Peloton mama drama that unfolded over the last week. A small minded army of twits took to chirping about this commercial recently. They called it ‘sexist’ and railed on about misogynist husbands and the death of feminism. Their first world vitriol comes from the fact the young woman in this commercial looks like a model, so she obviously doesn’t need a Peloton. Welp, I know a lot of great looking, athletic women who are gifted exercise equipment. Because they love it. Because it’s not just about being physically fit. So here I am, defending the Peloton Mamas and their Papas too. Because it’s a free fucking country and if you want to overspend for a stationary bike with Bluetooth? By all means . . do so. And thank you to Ryan Reynolds for his genius directing job in putting this latest moment of stupid to bed with such hilarious results. If the woman in his Aviation Gin commercial looks familiar, that’s because she’s the Peloton mama. Drop the mic perfect.
- And just so we’re clear, not all exercise equipment supplies you with the desired results. Jane Slater is a Dallas Cowboys reporter who got more than she bargained for when her now very much an ex of a boyfriend gifted her a FitBit for Christmas last year. They synced up and motivated each other and everything was granola bars and rainbow shots. Until she couldn’t get get in touch with him one night and logged into her Fitbit to find his activity levels spiking . . at 4 am. Technology giveth and technology put him in her rear view mirror.
- The Colin Kaepernick “Lose Job Fast!” workout has resulted in an NFL signing! For Jordan Veasey- one of the wide receivers who participated. You gotta love the fact that the kid gets another shot, even if it’s with the Washington Redskins. In the three years Kaep has been out of the league, 115 quarterbacks have been signed to contracts. And that doesn’t include draft picks and players re-signed or picked off practice squads. I looked over the list and found half a dozen players I’d take over Kaep, but I mostly found a lot of guys who are probably selling insurance as we speak. The NFL and its owners invited all the criticism on themselves by colluding against Kaep. I hope Veasey kneels during the anthem. Okay, maybe not . . he’d just be making it easy for the gutless owner.
Well that was fun! I might have to come up with a semi-regular episode for my misfits. And I promise you that I won’t define whatever it is I come up with.
That would be no fun at all.