First Draft Horoscopes- Capricorn

Image result for Capricorn sign

This is the year when you get in sync with friends and family. Like . . seriously. It’s going to matter to youΒ this year, so brush up on names and new spouses by making a chart.

And not to sound like a greeting card, but can you try and keep some cheer in this new year? When the shit hits the fan, try and suppress your desire to shoot the fan . . . twelve times. The way you shot your ex twelve times when you found them in bed with someone else. Thank God your Uncle Sal has a soft spot for you and was able to rig the jury, but yanno . . he ain’t getting any younger so chill with the firearms?

Here’s a novel thought. Why not simply enjoy the company and wisdom of your posse, and while you’re at it, impart your wisdom on them as well. Or take them out to dinner once a month and don’t be a cheapskate with the friendly drinks. Either or.

Make vivaciousness your jam, just hold the histrionics. February might be a challenge when it comes to cash flow, but you can navigate the ebbs without skimming ATM’s for your cream and sugar. As for exercise, practice moderation and sensibility. No more staying out all night and then signing up for a marathon in the morning because “it was calling me,”. Just remember those EMT’s who were calling you away from the light when you didn’t make it out of mile three without collapsing, coo?

October will bring great challenges and worthwhile lessons . . so think jello shot contests and DUI checks and maybe practice some temperance for a change. November will bring increased responsibilities at work, unless that meme you posted about your boss on Facebook gets found.

This can be a magnificent year as long as you don’t fuck it up!

41 thoughts on “First Draft Horoscopes- Capricorn

  1. B,

    You to tell me the Capricorns are gonna let go of their mirror and go out there and be with the peeps? If they stay outta trouble and aren’t too cheap…

    Histrionics might be a tad harder to hold in check especially if they are “called” to do crazy and end up in trouble.

    Love these tongue-in-cheek “attacks” on each sign… still have three to go before you attack mine πŸ˜‰


    Liked by 1 person

    • Q,

      I have been out of it because I never came back to look at my comments yesterday. My Gawdness I am in need of a refresh!

      What’s hilarious about my horoscopes is that I really have blessed little knowledge of signs. I kinda just rework the horoscopes and let people tell me if there is ANY resemblance whatsoevs.

      I love the word histrionics, so I had to get it in there somewhere, πŸ˜‰

      Uh oh! Batten down the hatches for a Category 5 reading in three months! Hide the men and children! Get to the cellar! Bring the bourbon!


      Liked by 1 person

      • B,

        I am the last person who is gonna push you πŸ˜‰ Except to remind you it’s horoscope time! πŸ˜‰ Give yourself a break, woudlja?

        That’s what is hilarious. I know what you do and for those who do see resemblances well… BONUS!

        It’s a great word, given that I could apply it to my youngest, who is more than capable…

        Hah! You’re right to worry.
        But if you’re supplying bourbon get rid of everyone else πŸ˜‰


        Liked by 1 person

        • Nah I know. I just have to get over the January meh. I mean, we’re not even knee deep in the winter blahs yet!

          I know right? There is always a person who comments on how “Oh that is JUST like . . .” and it just goes from there. LOL

          It really is a great word.

          I knew it!


          Ding! Ding! Ding!

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I wanna be a Capricorn for no other reason than to shoot the fan 12 times. I let the ex’s off the hook with a warning cause I’m a Gemini. That too would all be different if I were a Capricorn. Good one Marc

    Liked by 1 person

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