Da Boss here at Sorryless has been breaking my balls lately, bringing in udda headlinahs to do my job. Can you believe this fucking guy? So he was gonna have James Caan come in for this movie review because he didn’t think I would find it interesting, the clueless prick. I hate to admit it but five minutes into the movie, I thought to myself that the asshole was right. I was ready to close my eyes and pray for a coma. Good thing I snuck in a bottle of Chivas and some gabagool.
Anyway, the story is about this butler named Stevens, played by the same guy who plays that psycho nutbag in Silence of the Lamb Roast. Only he don’t eat faces in this movie so what’s the use? He plays this boring as fuck butler, oh I’m sorry . . reserved boring as fuck butler at this place called Darlington Hall. Yanno why the British lost the revolutionary war to us? Because they were too fucking busy thinking up fancy names for their houses.
So Stevens, who’s about as exciting as a stale piece of Wondah bread, has a thing for this really hot chick named Miss Kenton. She’s played by Emma Thompson, who is a real piece of ass! But in this flick, she’s a prude. Oh, I’m sorry . . she’s a repressed prude.
This Darlington Hall place hosts a lot of parties and the people all have sticks up their asses. Oh yeah, and most of em are Nazis. In one scene that really pissed me off, they try embarrassing Stevens by asking him a lot of political shit. Instead of splitting their heads open, he pretends he’s as stupid as they say he is. What a pussy!
Since Stevens is such a limp dick, Miss Kenton gets another co-worker to bang her and later on, the guy ends up wanting to marry her. These British guys have no fucking idea when it comes to women; they either don’t do jack shit or they buy the ranch, what the fuck? So Miss Kenton lets Stevens know she’s getting banged by anotha guy and that this guy wants to marry her, only she doesn’t say it that way since she’s so delusional. No . . I’m sorry, she’s so demure. Fuggedabout it . . she ain’t getting a rise outta Stevens because his goal is to never get laid.
At the end of this movie, other than bringing me two hours and fourteen minutes closer to death, nothing happens. Stevens goes to see this Kenton chick and asks her to come back to Darlington Hall, but he still can’t admit to her that he’s always wanted to bang her. So . . you know how women are, she tells him she’s gonna stay with her husband because she finds Stevens about as appealing as a Ritz cracker you find under the sofa cushions. Only, she doesn’t tell him that at all because she doesn’t have ta, yanno? All she has to do is give him a look.
Stevens goes back to work and at the end of the movie he saves a pigeon that gets stuck in the hallway. The pigeon is symbolic of freedom, and you’re probably wondering how I figured that one out. Well, the pigeon gets freed . . just like me, because it means this sad fucking excuse for a movie was finally ovah.
😂 great review Joe 😝
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Fughedaboutit!!
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I laughed, yet I’m stunned … and no way I want to see this movie. Thanks, Joe.
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Hey Cincy,
Please don’t take Joe’s word for it. He’s lacking when it comes to nuance. It really is an excellent movie.
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Joe Pesci is a troglodyte. I love this movie. I guess he doesn’t understand cerebral. I think this is one of Anthony Hopkins’ best performances. Just my opinion.
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I loved the movie and the book too. As I told Frank, Joe is rather clueless when it comes to nuance.
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😉I have to read this book for book club this year…wonder if the book will read like this
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It’s a keeper, LA. I loved it. Joe cannot be trusted with these assignments, but I’m afraid to cut him loose.
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💗
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🙂
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Love this. Silence of the lamb roast, brilliant. Cheers
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Hahaha! Glad you liked that one.
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Way to go, Joe. Tellen’ it like it is. Way to go Marc. Perfect use of Joe. 😁
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Joe really doesn’t have much patience for movies like this. But what am I gonna do? I can’t fire him!
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I don’t think you wat to fire him. He can be one of your best. 😁
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I couldn’t fire him if I wanted to. He would make me disappear.
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Never thought about that. You are so right.
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I knew bettah than to mess with a good fella . . .
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🐎
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LOL
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B,
You really are breakin’ Joe’s balls with this type of flic. I mean, it’s a fantastic movie and I loved it but oh my God, poor Joe! Not a car chase, not a bit of blood (he doesn’t get the virtual blood that has been spilt). I thought at least he’d a got excited about seeing Superman in the movie!
Silence of the Lamb Roast! Buahaha… Too fucking busy thinking up ancy names for the houses…. can ya blame him for thinking this is so stupid – wait… he musta forgot all those plantations back in de day had names….
Love the descriptions of Stevens and Miss Kenton. Ya gotta admit in Joe’s perspective they are too reserved – hey… maybe he harnessed some of Stevens’ cool reservedness for when he played in The Irishman…
Now you’ve got me thinking of what other movies you can put Joe through, I mean introduce to Joe.
I loved this. A great way to start the day. Badaboom!
Q
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Q,
Joe doesn’t do nuance. At all. And it was all his fault, because I had Jimmy Caan signed up for this review before Joe insisted he could do it.
Yeah but those plantations were in da sout . . and dey lost da wah!
I think he understands that reserved pace only because father time is catching up with his britches at this point. He was a mile a minute back in the day.
Bring em on! Let’s get Joe front and center again soon. He asked that I not include too many headlinahs in between his appearances and there was a Louisville Slugger tone in his voice.
Fughed? Meet abouttit!
B
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I wanted to write nuance like he’d say it but just couldn’t 😉 I saw dat… Dunno that Jimmy woulda done as great a job.
That’s true and they did.
I think you’re right! He done worn hisself out!
Agreed! And, I would take his warning seriously… maybe assure him that he gets the movies and others get other stuff? I wouldn’t wanna piss him off neither.
You wanna smack with that?
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Newoonce . . according to Joe. He thinks she’s a rap star.
Jimmy Caan . . I’m looking for something that will bring out his inner Sonny Corleone, because I think that could woik.
I know, LOL.
He woulda.
I ain’t gonna be mentioning ANYTHING about shoe shine boxes, I’ll tell you that right now.
G’head!
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See? Ida thought it was more of a newaaance. Goes to show. Buahaha!!
Ayt.. Lemme think. Maybe I could come up with suggestions for ya. Though best I keep to myself. You’re much more adept at this stuff.
Indeed.
Uh huh.
Smart of you
Not so smart of you.
But ya got two options:
Back o’ da head ✋
Or
💋
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Newaaance is the Canadian way of spelling it, lady. I only been to Canada once and I got true da bordah thanks to this French guy who owed us a favah . . .
Well, I think we got our next headliner! Rebel Yell!
Imma take the 💋 because unlike Stevens . . I got a pulse 😉
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That what it is? Dey let you tru da bordah? Dat French guy musta owed you big.
See that? Ya don’t even need me! Excellent idea, Mate.
That’s a good choice to make, since ya gots a pulse…. 💋💋
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Well that French guy tried hitting on the chick I was wit and now he’s taking up poimenant residence in the desert . . .
You listened to me riff until I figured it out so the assist goes to you. 🙂
And while slaps are all well and good, 💋are bettah.
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What a putz. So… I’m guessing the Canadian border you crossed was out west? Coz there ain’t no desert round this here parts…
Ayt. I’ll accept my part as sounding board! 😉
Every thing has its place … as long as it ends with a 💋
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Oh no . . we took him ta go . .
Winnah!
💋I could not agree more! 💋
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Take out – or another sort!
We like winnahs!
💋💋
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We invited him wit us to Vegas and comped everyting. He won big, the lucky prick. Little good that did him when we went for a ride latah that night.
Winnah Winnah Chicken Dinnah!!
💋💋
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Paid for your comping him, did it? Lucky fuckers, you are!
I was gonna say dat!
💋💋
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When we waz done wit him, we didn’t take this winnings . . . we buried him with it. We ain’t criminals yanoo.
Of course you were.
💋💋
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Buahaha! Right, right, right …
I wuz!
💋💋
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Hey! Get back to work . . .;)
I know it.
💋💋
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I’m done! Waiting for my niece coz she wants to bum a lift (my kid did NOT need help IMHO)
Good.
💋💋
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Wow!
You da rock star 😉
💋💋
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I know, right? This kid whizzed through his exam in less than two hours and I insisted he go over and check his calculations…
I do what I can…😉
💋💋
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Two hours . . . tests . . . I just got the shivers, LOL.
You do just fine.
💋💋
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Yeah… Shudder!
Why thank you. You are too kind!
💋💋
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💋💋
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💋💋
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“Yanno why the British lost the revolutionary war to us? Because they were too fucking busy thinking up fancy names for their houses.”🤣 Thanks for not firing Joe. He just enriched my day tremendously.
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LOL!
Hey Eilene, hope you’re doing well. 🙂
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Missing the blogging, but you are keeping up your end of the bargain to entertain me!
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Miss you. I will always take great delight in entertaining you. 🙂
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Bwahahaha! “Okay! Okay, okay, okay. They F*** YOU at the drive-thru, okay? They F*** YOU at the drive-thru! They know you’re gonna be miles away before you find out you got f***ed! They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back, they don’t care. So who gets f***ed? Ol’ Leo Getz! Okay, sure! I don’t give a f***! I’m not eating this tuna, okay?” Classic!
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Joe is the best headliner I got going, and you just proved why, LOL
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You nailed that review… to a tree. Slaying both Pesci and Hopkins with wordcraft. A movie I never saw and now won’t to save myself 134 minutes. Which I’ll probably use looking up and trying to procure some gabagool. Tasty stuff, man!
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Like da Tree Musketeers?
I love when Joe takes the stage or me, because he always provides. And when you add Hopkins to the mix, buttah.
I actually loved Remains of the Day. I owned the movie back in the day. Loved the book too. But Joe . . he ain’t much for the nuances, yanno?
Thank you my Dude.
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That’s a good un. As for compliments, I only wish I could make more. Fuggedhaboudit!
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Hahaha! Glad ya like it pal!
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I think I watched that movie 🙂 isn’t it the point he’s going here-there & is “reserved”? 😂
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Yes, Hopkins was SO reserved it was palpable. I loved that movie. My pal Joe Pesci did not love that movie so much, LOL
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yep, but still it was fun review :))
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Thank you much RNB!
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Was funny read, but I love the actor 😬 🕺🥞☀️
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Me too. He is a Hall of Famer.
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