So I got a ticket yesterday afta noon because I was double parked while picking up my dry cleaning. And okay, I grabbed some bagels and a couple lottery tickets . . the newspapers, and alright, I stopped in da liquor store and picked up some Chivas because I never wanna be outta the stuff.
I come outside to find this wackadoo giving me a fucking parking ticket! Can you imagine the noive of dis guy? So I tell him “Yo, what’s the deal? I only been gone like tree minutes? Do ya really gotta bust my chops for being away from my car for tree fucking minutes?!” He keeps writing out the ticket and that really pissed me off. So I told him he wasn’t a meter maid, he was a glorified arcade attendant and I mighta said something about his mudda.
He turns to me and with a straight face . . he says to me “Sir, I am a parking enforcement officer” and then he hands me the fucking ticket! So I says to him, “Yeah, and I’m Jimmy Hoffa”.
Da boss asked me to write a haiku about my experience, so I’ll humor the prick.
A cop wannabe
Putzing around all day long
He can go blow me
Be Sorry . . . Less 
Yanno Joe,
It’s a funny thing… da boss who shares your stuff always says he can’t do haiku. Maybe ya gonna learn him how! Coz you did ayt, lemme tell you.
As for the fucking prick – that ain’t cool no how. Da fuck? Only tree minutes! These guys sure think they are someone else, eh? Do they even carry guns? Tthey ain’t nuthin but glorified meter maids ain’t they?
Sorry ’bout that ticket. I feel for ya.
Chick from Montreal.
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Hey! Sweethahht! From Montreal huh? You must be a real piece of ass . . oh sorry, I mean you must be bootiful. I read it in a magazine somewhere that Montreal has super hot chicks. Well, no . . my lawyer read that in a magazine and told me aboutit.
That prick is lucky I’m aging fastah than an avocado in Walmart. Othawise I would have to give him a beating just outta principle, yanno?
No guns equals meter maid. Case closed
Tanks. You’re alright! 😉
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Who you callin’ Sweetheart? Ya, from Montreal – ever been? I wouldn’t be so bold as to say or not. But if your lawyer told ya, well, he must know, right?
Maybe it’s just as well ya didn’t, maybe ya woulda broke something.
There ya go. We are in cahoots on the meter maid shit.
Glad you think so! So’re you, yanno that?
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Calm down, I realize da women’s movement is a thing. Is it STILL a thing? Anyways, I’m sorry if I offended yah delicate senses . . or is that too sexist to say?
It’s bad enough I can’t get too excited or I piss my pants. I remembah when I used to get excited and . . . uh . . nevah mind.
Cahoots. Yeah, I’ve been in cahoots a few times in my life. It usually ended up involving law enforcement . . .
😉
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Calm down? Are you kidding me? Still a thing? OhMyGawd! You are a such a Neanderthal!
Imagine – you ain’t had kids. I can’t sneeze fugfaddaboutit.
I don’t doubt that. Cahoots can be trouble.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa!! No need to be tossing around racist comments!
You know what sistah? Ya even hottah when you get all pissed off. I don’t mind it being directed at me one bit . . .
I try to keep outta Cahoots these days.
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Okay. okay, okay! I’ll take it down a notch.
Why am I not surprised? You keep giving me ammunition and I’ll keep things hot for ya.
But they are so much fun…
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Uh . . ya wanna grab a drink? You gotta drive though, since I got cataracts.
You’re my kinda woman!
So ah you! 😉
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Funny you should say that… I’m planning a drive your way in the near future. Would love to.
You like ’em like that, do ya?
Good to know 😉
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Ya awright sweet hahht!
I like it like that! I think that was the name a dat song.
😉
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What can I say? It’s how I roll.
It was a song. Ya! Ya! Ya!
😉
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I taught it was a song but I wasn’t shuah! Look at that! I got some pop cultsha knowledge aftah all!
🙂
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Who’d a thunk? You ayt yourself, Joe!
😉
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Sorry for what I said befah about you being a real piece of ass. Even if I meant it.
😉
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Comin’ from you… I know it’s supposed to be a compliment so Imma be graceful and accept it.
😉
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Yah a really classy chick, you know dat?
😉
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I can bring it up a notch for ya… be your cultural arm candy
😉
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Don’t tell nobody . . and you know who I’m talking about huh? 😉
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My lips are sealed… coz I know. 😉
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😘
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I didn’t know u wuz that kinda goil. But I’m alright wit it. 😘
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I won’t aks what kinda goil that is.But I’m ayt with it too.
😘
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You might be from Canada, but you remind me of da Bronx 😉
😘
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Yanno why? Coz I’m cool like dat. 😉
😘
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Ya cool in general. And da fact you recognize “coz” as a real woid? More bootiful!
😘
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I tell ya, Joe… we could be a good thing!
😘
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Yo! Montreal chick! You make me thinka dis song I used ta dig.
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Ya don’t dig it no more? It’s still kinda good
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I had anotha one in mind. From foitha back . . .
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Damn …. I needed a good laugh this morning! I never imagined Joe doing a haiku, but never imagine the unimaginable. You’ve proven that Joe Pesci writing a haiku is more probable that a Bengal playoff win.
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Joe and Haiku wouldn’t seem to go together, would they? But Joe held up his end of the bargain on this one and I’m proud of the little guy.
Go Joe Burrow! 🙂
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Joe and Haiku are hand and glove, baseball and hotdogs, Super Bowl and nachos, Bengals and losing, and more.
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Trump and investigations, the Patriots and -Gates, Spider Man movies and reboots . . .
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Just poifect
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Tanks! 😉
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🤣🤣 Joe, I’ve got a book deal for ya!
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It would be the foist book I evah read!
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Oh man. You take the cake!
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No . . you do Eilene. 🙂
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Hahahahahahaha. I loved this Marc.
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Let’s hear it for Joe!
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Good old Joe.
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He really came through. Or as he would say . . I really came true!
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😁
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Classic
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Hahaha! Glad you enjoyed.
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Dear Joe, love your stuff. Why you wastin time with this guy Sorry Mess or whatevah the fuck his name is? Stop being such a fuckin wuss and start your own god damn web log, know what I:m sayin!?
Are you hearing the wordz coming outa my mouth? What a putz, this guy! I love him like a brother but sometimes…
Anyway, I’m getting a call here. Seems like there’s a haiku emergency I gotta get ovah there right away.
Take it easy, JP. Don’t get too worked up, you’re gonna plotz. So watch that blood pressah, ok? Kisses to the missus, and watch your back, don’t get whacked or have a heart attack, alright?
Omertà,
A Dude
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A Dude,
I would do what yah saying if not fah the fact that I can’t see so good no more on account of cataracts. And besides, I can woik undah the table with this asshole . . .
Whoa whoa whoa! Stop busting my balls already!!
A haiku emergency? They have those in Texas? What kinda fucking shit is that . .
I’ll take ya advice and pour myself a Chivas, and I’ll skip the Cuban . . . cigah.
Love and bullets,
Joe
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So classic Joe!
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Tank you!
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