The Gold and the Beautiful

Welcome to the first and probably only Sorryless Awards Show. I’ll be your host as we honor the top five categories made famous by dead white people. Since I didn’t watch the Oscars, Imma dish up my own version for best actor, actress, director, screenplay and of course . . picture. 

Best Actor (Runaway Bride)- Former Steeler/Raider/Patriot/Almost Saint Antonio Brown takes home the top prize for his (sic) heartfelt apology to the Steelers, the NFL and his ex-girlfriend. This week. Stay tuned for next week when Brown recants all apologies and signs on with Cirque du Soleil before suing the production company in order to get out of his contract.

Best Actress (Sunset Boulevard)- Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wins again. For residing over an impeachment trial that was easier to predict than a Harlem Globetrotters game. She followed that by ripping up the President’s State of the Union speech in full view of the world when setting it on fire was a much better idea.

Image result for Tom Brady Hulu commercial

Best Director (Lord of the Rings)- Tom Brady scores the award. The former best actor winner for his role in Deflate-Gate, Brady wins here for the cryptic Instagram pic (above) that he posted in the week leading up to Super Bowl 54. Turns out it was a sneak preview for a Hulu commercial Brady would star in on Super Bowl Sunday. And the best part? He says he’s not done yet. Lucky us!

Best Picture (All the President’s Men)- And the award goes to the US Senate. Against a backdrop of corruption and abuse of power, one Republican Senator stands stall. Mitt Romney’s vote to convict the President on one count of abuse of power falls short but he wins the respect of many democrats. Let’s hope the 2020 elections bring some comeuppance to those Republican senators who voted to cover their asses.

Best Screenplay (The Usual Supects)- Chad and Lori Daybell for running an end around on law enforcement officials, the media and every right thinking person alive. These nut bags have somehow avoided any kind of police detainment in spite of the slew of murders involving family members and the unexplained disappearances of their two children . . in September.

As for the pieces of Oscar night I did catch online, I’ve got some thoughts.

  • This no host business blows. I don’t care if it works okay without one . . . I’m not sorry I missed that.
  • Renee Zellweger really looked like Judy Garland!
  • Chris Rock and Steve Martin delivered a vagina monologue? I’m sorry I missed that.
  • One Hollywood legend- Tom Hanks- honors another in Kirk Douglas. As it should be.
  • Enough with the Cats bashing already, for fuck’s sake.
  • I gotta see Parasite.
  • Brad Pitt got political, and while I ain’t usually down with such a thing, his mention was brief, smart and real. I’m okay with that.
  • As I was very okay with the speech Joaquin Phoenix gave after winning the Oscar for his turn in Joker. Sure he’s out there, but that’s what makes him such a great actor. And yanno, when he said that maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to cancel each other out over past failures? That shit resonated with me. And I’m okay with not agreeing with every single thing he said up there. Because I agree with the most important part. Like when he closed it out with a quote from his late brother, River. And that becomes how I choose to close out this post, with nothing more to add to such a beautiful idea.
  • “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow.”

 

 

 

 

 

84 thoughts on “The Gold and the Beautiful

  1. Antonio Brown — the gift that keeps on giving?

    The whole Tom Brady thing is so impossibly tiresome. I wonder what he’s going to do when he finally retires — how will he try to keep his grip on the limelight?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. B,

    You sure it’s gonna be the last? I’m thinking you can do this yearly – there will be no lack of playahs, that’s for sure. Seems new ones pop up daily. Just sayin’ 😉

    Best Actor: I’m thinking there was no competition this year for best actor. K, Brown? Your fifteen minutes? Way over, Bud… You can go quietly into the sunset coz I’m thinking unlike Julia Roberts, there won’t be anyone willing to risk it.

    Best Actress: But Pelosi ripped with such flair, Gloria Swanson must be applauding from the ether!

    Best Director: Funny how some actors can go from acting to directing with even more success. I mean Clint Eastwood has nothing on Brady…

    Best Picture: I got nuthin. No, wait. Romney is to “All The President’s Men” what Jack Nickolson is to “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. They will do everything they can to snuff out his light…

    Best Screenplay: I just can’t understand this one. How are they flying incognito? They must have done with their children what the killer in The Lovely Bones did – sinkholes are very handy.

    – I’m with you on the no-host thing. I feel it cheapens things.
    – I need to see “Judy”!
    – Nice for men to acknowledge the lack of women nominees
    – Tried to see the video of Tom Hanks honouring Kirk Douglas – only found some that scroll the text.
    – Seriously. I gave shit to a friend for bashing without having seen it. This is how vicious lies start.
    – You DEFINITELY gotta see Parasite.
    – Brad Pitt ain’t just a pretty face
    – Joaquin Phoenix – kudos to the man. Acknowledging he was not always a stellar human being but was given a second chance takes guts. Plus, sincerity poured out of him. He never, ever speaks about River so for me, you have closed out this wonderful and fun post with the perfect words – hard to believe they came out of the mouth of a 17-year old. Yes. “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow.”

    Perfect choice of music, as per.

    Q

    Liked by 2 people

    • Q,

      I would have to come up with a kitschy award name though. Sorryless awards no worky. But chyeah! You are so right . . this can be annual.

      Yeah Richard Gere is not gonna chase Antonio Brown down. Nor will Julia. Or anybody else on the face of the earth. Okay . . maybe outside of the Cleveland Browns. But those kids, they have always been different.

      I like Nancy Pelosi, so lemme get that out the way firstly. But mango slices, she is ready for her next line of work, isn’t she? It’s time honey! Hang up the heels and go male review club hopping in your sunset days girl. Bring dollar bills and glitter goggles!

      And THAT is saying something right there. Brady is ego squared, but hey . . I ain’t holding it against him.

      NICE analogy on Romney! And hey . . I did vote for him once upon a time. Don’t tell anybody.

      Liked by 1 person

      • What’s wrong with the Sorryless Awards? Ayt. If you want, I’ll help you come up with some kitschy name…

        No way in hell will either of them chase him – Is it the name? Browns will chase Brown? Are they that desperate?

        To think what everyone sees on-line is so far from the truth. It’s sad that the media doctor everything so that you have to go digging to find the truth.

        Ego-squared. I’m sure he’s not the only one out there.

        Thank you. I was pretty pleased with myself. And why not? Vote for him, I mean. I can see the why.

        Um… where’s the rest of your response? You just cut off like that without a good-bye?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yeah, I think we gotta do that. The awards have to have a certain flair to em. Like you. 😉

          The Browns are more desperate than a high school virgin going stag at the prom. So yeah, they will go after AB. Guns ablazing, zits ashowing.

          It’s frightening actually. I am scared for what comes from here. Because like I told you, we are just getting started on this social media bus. What is the world gonna look like in fifty years? Yikes.

          I’m quite sure there are many non Super Bowl champions who have the very same ego without the hardware.

          You should be. 😉

          No, I saw the Peter Ueberoth factor in this guy. He wasn’t a war monger, he didn’t fuck with peeps just to do so. He was a money maker. He would have been boring actually. And boring . . I would have signed up for that over what we have now.

          Come on now . . . 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • Are you flirting? But yeah, we’ll come up with flair!

            Now that is desperate.

            That’s why watching “Black Mirror” is so scary. It is not so unbelievably farfetched.

            I have zero doubt.

            🙂 There ya go again.

            I like that. Honestly. Just coz you’re a Republican (and I meant him, not you – but that’s okay, too) doesn’t mean it would have been a bad thing – especially when we look at what you guys have today.

            What? You think I was gonna let it slide?

            Liked by 1 person

          • Me? Flirt? Why surely you have me mistaken with someone el . . . okay I flirted, yes I did. Very much so.

            And yes we will come up with a name. Then we’re gonna copyright it.

            He was my best friend in high school. He went to the prom, while I took my then girlfriend on a date . . no prom for me.

            I might have to see it. Because my mind doesn’t sass me enough . . I am always looking for something to hit it back with.

            Z? Meet Ero. Now get it on.

            Hey . . I cannot possibly help myself. I was transported from Havana less than a decade before I was born. Never had a chance.

            I am no longer a Republican, even if I am still registered as such. Naw, I don’t buy either party at this point in my life. Thing is though, I was never that stereotype of what Republicans are supposed to look like. I was always friends with people who disagreed with me politically, and I even married one.

            I woulda been a little miffed if you had.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Yes, you did. And guess what? I ain’t complaining.

            As you would say: Coo!

            Ah well… prom is a lotta hoopla

            It’s quite good. Each episode is individual with it’s own story and none are related. Some are more disturbing than others.

            Oh, I’ll make you meet.

            Ahhhh… so it’s the Cubano in you – you can’t help it.

            I wasn’t judging. Though, I think that if you were a full-fledged one with all the uhhh “typical attributes”, we might not be where we are today…

            I know you would be.

            Liked by 1 person

          • You never complain. Hardly ever.

            You got me. James Brown taught me something about it.

            It looks so damn good. But I must, I just really totally must. Scary for me, is good.

            You have.

            Hate to blame it on that. Okay . . no I don’t hate it at all. They’re still under communist rule, so they can’t sue my ass for such a thing.

            I know you weren’t. And no, I have never been that one. Maybe for five minutes in the eighties until I realized it wouldn’t get me laid. But no, after that I tended to both sides of any debate.

            MUAH!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Whaddaya mean hardly? 😉

            I do got you.

            It is. Some episodes are better than others (scary-wise). You can always check one out and see if you dig it.

            I have. And will again.

            Blame it on your genes…

            I know you know. And I could never see you as that out there. Plus. We know you love the curls so you were wise in bringing it down a notch…

            MWAH!!

            Liked by 1 person

          • I’ll let it slide

            We do 😉

            Cool.

            Can’t wait.

            I kinda like your genes.

            That’s part of the whole maturing process… we realise we are more or better than we are.

            MWAH!

            Liked by 1 person

    • As per screenplay . HOW???!!!

      It pisses me off beyond words. IF these peeps were black or latino . . you think they would be vacationing in Hawaii with their kids missing for half a year? Or maybe the locals would have em in the clink? Asking for a friend. . .

      I NEED a host. Billy Crystal . . one more time please?

      I had a big crush on Judy Garland when I was seven years old.

      Us men are not all pigs.

      It was very cool to know Hanks did this.

      It’s how rumors get started. Like the song goes.

      I’ve been told 😉

      No he ain’t. Not even close.

      I have watched the Phoenix speech a few times now, because it’s so fucking human to me. It’s out there, like him. But it’s PUTTING himself out there, and I really dig that in a person. He’s many things, but he is genuine. And that matters most to me.

      You heard it first! 😉

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • I just don’t get it! How indeed?

        No chance in hell they would be doing the hula in Hawaii… just sayin’.

        Me too. I love having a host! Even if we end up bitching about them!

        Did you really? How interesting. Would you believe I have been told more than twice that I look like her daughter? I am not sure how I feel about that.

        No. I know you are not.

        It was. I just wish I could see it!

        Indeed. Rumours (you still don’t know how to spell)

        Yes. Twice at least, right? 😉

        Glad you think so, too.

        It’s funny. I have watched it more than once and honestly, he impressed me by being real. No matter if he’s out there or not. He so often is such a prick in these instances but he seems to have turned a new leaf. I respect him for that.

        I did!

        Liked by 1 person

    • His comrades won’t grow a spine, and as such they do wrong by the peeps they are supposed to be representing. I don’t buy that the whole of ANY constituency is cool with the crap that is going on. And so if you ain’t looking to cover those who feel screwed? You should not be representing anyone, sorry. Go home. These cretins need to get their asses kicked out of office, pronto.

      Brady isn’t going anywhere. Didn’t you hear? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well it’s not like Romney is some sort of stallworth stand up guy. He still has voted along party lines on just about everything since reaching Congress. He has pressers where he acts like he might have some ethics and principles (much like Jeff Flak, Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins have) but I’m not holding my breath any of them will do the right thing when it gets right down to it. Cowards.

        I did see a blurb about Brady, but was hoping it was an ‘net hoax. Jeez-just go away already, dude. The pocket is no place for a walker.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post, Marc. You gotta give Antonio Brown one thing that Mother—–r can use the word mother—–r conjugated seven ways, and faster than any human on earth. He is a paragon of good taste. He should get best screenplay for a mother—–r.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is so mother________ perfect, Boss. Because you’re right, that mother________ really does know how to bullet train his mother________’s, doesn’t he? It’s a mother________ shame that he made a fool of the Raiders and Saints. The Patriots . . hell, they get what they get. But the rest of his act wasn’t fair to the teams that truly wanted him.

      Thanks Boss.

      Like

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