Welcome to the first and probably only Sorryless Awards Show. I’ll be your host as we honor the top five categories made famous by dead white people. Since I didn’t watch the Oscars, Imma dish up my own version for best actor, actress, director, screenplay and of course . . picture.
Best Actor (Runaway Bride)- Former Steeler/Raider/Patriot/Almost Saint Antonio Brown takes home the top prize for his (sic) heartfelt apology to the Steelers, the NFL and his ex-girlfriend. This week. Stay tuned for next week when Brown recants all apologies and signs on with Cirque du Soleil before suing the production company in order to get out of his contract.
Best Actress (Sunset Boulevard)- Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wins again. For residing over an impeachment trial that was easier to predict than a Harlem Globetrotters game. She followed that by ripping up the President’s State of the Union speech in full view of the world when setting it on fire was a much better idea.
Best Director (Lord of the Rings)- Tom Brady scores the award. The former best actor winner for his role in Deflate-Gate, Brady wins here for the cryptic Instagram pic (above) that he posted in the week leading up to Super Bowl 54. Turns out it was a sneak preview for a Hulu commercial Brady would star in on Super Bowl Sunday. And the best part? He says he’s not done yet. Lucky us!
Best Picture (All the President’s Men)- And the award goes to the US Senate. Against a backdrop of corruption and abuse of power, one Republican Senator stands stall. Mitt Romney’s vote to convict the President on one count of abuse of power falls short but he wins the respect of many democrats. Let’s hope the 2020 elections bring some comeuppance to those Republican senators who voted to cover their asses.
Best Screenplay (The Usual Supects)- Chad and Lori Daybell for running an end around on law enforcement officials, the media and every right thinking person alive. These nut bags have somehow avoided any kind of police detainment in spite of the slew of murders involving family members and the unexplained disappearances of their two children . . in September.
As for the pieces of Oscar night I did catch online, I’ve got some thoughts.
- This no host business blows. I don’t care if it works okay without one . . . I’m not sorry I missed that.
- Renee Zellweger really looked like Judy Garland!
- Chris Rock and Steve Martin delivered a vagina monologue? I’m sorry I missed that.
- One Hollywood legend- Tom Hanks- honors another in Kirk Douglas. As it should be.
- Enough with the Cats bashing already, for fuck’s sake.
- I gotta see Parasite.
- Brad Pitt got political, and while I ain’t usually down with such a thing, his mention was brief, smart and real. I’m okay with that.
- As I was very okay with the speech Joaquin Phoenix gave after winning the Oscar for his turn in Joker. Sure he’s out there, but that’s what makes him such a great actor. And yanno, when he said that maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to cancel each other out over past failures? That shit resonated with me. And I’m okay with not agreeing with every single thing he said up there. Because I agree with the most important part. Like when he closed it out with a quote from his late brother, River. And that becomes how I choose to close out this post, with nothing more to add to such a beautiful idea.
- “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow.”
You get the Oscar for best review!
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Thank you! And I don’t even have a speech prepared . . . .
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Antonio Brown — the gift that keeps on giving?
The whole Tom Brady thing is so impossibly tiresome. I wonder what he’s going to do when he finally retires — how will he try to keep his grip on the limelight?
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Bravo? Meet Antonio Brown. Now you too schmooze over cranberry fizzy drinks and work out a TV deal why dontcha?
Brady is going to run for office some day. Mark my words. Sorry to be the bearer of that news, but hey . . it’s a buyers market and everyone is a candidate.
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I’ve decided I don’t like you any more. 😉
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Oh wow. Hey . . umm. This is awkward. I don’t think I’ve ever broken up with someone on WP . . this way. Not in a comment thread anyway.
So maybe I’ll see you around?
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Oh, you’ll see me around all right. I’m kind of psycho. I’ll haunt you forever.
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I don’t have a rabbit . . so you can’t go boiling anything because you feel scorned, coo?
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Do you have a dog? Cat? A frog croaking up a storm in the back yard? How about the teddy bear you had as a child?
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I sold all of them, just now.
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That’s fine. But if he runs for office, I’m holding you personally responsible. I hope you can handle that.
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I will forward my address in Greenland.
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The 51st state if Trumpster has his way
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Silly me . . Nicaragua. I meant there.
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I seriously, though, can’t even stand the thought of Brady running for office. He’s got nothing to offer in that capacity, but he’ll win anyway because he is Tom f’in’ Brady.
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What did Trump have? Outside of debt, burnt bridges, failed partnerships, pissed off ex wives who relented because of the monthly stipends?
Brady is golden in comparison. AND he played football? He’s already running at forty percent . . .
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It’s like you’re trying to break up with me.
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Maybe we need counseling.
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I’m willing to try it if you are. But you know how it ended up last time.
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I don’t remember much. Vegas . . . we shared a cab with Dr Phil . . and then he broke out the tequila and I woke up with a Bengal tiger sleeping next to me.
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Sorry, but it was a panther and I told you to stop with the tequila. But noooooooo, why would you ever listen to me?!?! What really got to me was when you and Dr. Phil started making googly eyes at each other and he let you polish his bald head.
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I thought we weren’t gonna bring that up, ever again. And sorry . . but I cannot explain how much zen I was feeling in that moment. He charges 100 bucks a pop to let people do that and I got it gratis!
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Hey, if we’re gonna try counseling, it’s all gotta be on the table. Including the pink pony. Need. I. Say. More.
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I don’t know how I get past the vomit comment, I really don’t.
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My work here is done then. Mission accomplished. Ten-four, little buddy. Ba-da-boom!!!
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Over and out!
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I can only hope that by suggesting that Dr. Phil and you were making googly eyes at each other, I managed to produce a bit of vomit in the back of your throat.
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Damn you Mark!
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Thank you, by the way, for this little jaunt into the sublime and ridiculous. It was something I sorely needed tonight.
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You know me, hombre. I’ll provide you with a laugh whenever you need one. 🙂
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If Frank taught me anything, it’s to appreciate the WP neighbors I got. And I do. Much.
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Indeed. These social media friendships are a thing to hold on to.
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Salud!
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You must see parasite. End of discussion. And the post…brilliant as always
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Agree!
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Hey there!
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I am on it, LA.
And gracias mucho!
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Very cool review!!! Agreeing on the Best Actress. 🙂
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Amy, thank you! And bahahaha! You like that huh?
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B,
You sure it’s gonna be the last? I’m thinking you can do this yearly – there will be no lack of playahs, that’s for sure. Seems new ones pop up daily. Just sayin’ 😉
Best Actor: I’m thinking there was no competition this year for best actor. K, Brown? Your fifteen minutes? Way over, Bud… You can go quietly into the sunset coz I’m thinking unlike Julia Roberts, there won’t be anyone willing to risk it.
Best Actress: But Pelosi ripped with such flair, Gloria Swanson must be applauding from the ether!
Best Director: Funny how some actors can go from acting to directing with even more success. I mean Clint Eastwood has nothing on Brady…
Best Picture: I got nuthin. No, wait. Romney is to “All The President’s Men” what Jack Nickolson is to “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. They will do everything they can to snuff out his light…
Best Screenplay: I just can’t understand this one. How are they flying incognito? They must have done with their children what the killer in The Lovely Bones did – sinkholes are very handy.
– I’m with you on the no-host thing. I feel it cheapens things.
– I need to see “Judy”!
– Nice for men to acknowledge the lack of women nominees
– Tried to see the video of Tom Hanks honouring Kirk Douglas – only found some that scroll the text.
– Seriously. I gave shit to a friend for bashing without having seen it. This is how vicious lies start.
– You DEFINITELY gotta see Parasite.
– Brad Pitt ain’t just a pretty face
– Joaquin Phoenix – kudos to the man. Acknowledging he was not always a stellar human being but was given a second chance takes guts. Plus, sincerity poured out of him. He never, ever speaks about River so for me, you have closed out this wonderful and fun post with the perfect words – hard to believe they came out of the mouth of a 17-year old. Yes. “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow.”
Perfect choice of music, as per.
Q
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Q,
I would have to come up with a kitschy award name though. Sorryless awards no worky. But chyeah! You are so right . . this can be annual.
Yeah Richard Gere is not gonna chase Antonio Brown down. Nor will Julia. Or anybody else on the face of the earth. Okay . . maybe outside of the Cleveland Browns. But those kids, they have always been different.
I like Nancy Pelosi, so lemme get that out the way firstly. But mango slices, she is ready for her next line of work, isn’t she? It’s time honey! Hang up the heels and go male review club hopping in your sunset days girl. Bring dollar bills and glitter goggles!
And THAT is saying something right there. Brady is ego squared, but hey . . I ain’t holding it against him.
NICE analogy on Romney! And hey . . I did vote for him once upon a time. Don’t tell anybody.
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What’s wrong with the Sorryless Awards? Ayt. If you want, I’ll help you come up with some kitschy name…
No way in hell will either of them chase him – Is it the name? Browns will chase Brown? Are they that desperate?
To think what everyone sees on-line is so far from the truth. It’s sad that the media doctor everything so that you have to go digging to find the truth.
Ego-squared. I’m sure he’s not the only one out there.
Thank you. I was pretty pleased with myself. And why not? Vote for him, I mean. I can see the why.
Um… where’s the rest of your response? You just cut off like that without a good-bye?
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Yeah, I think we gotta do that. The awards have to have a certain flair to em. Like you. 😉
The Browns are more desperate than a high school virgin going stag at the prom. So yeah, they will go after AB. Guns ablazing, zits ashowing.
It’s frightening actually. I am scared for what comes from here. Because like I told you, we are just getting started on this social media bus. What is the world gonna look like in fifty years? Yikes.
I’m quite sure there are many non Super Bowl champions who have the very same ego without the hardware.
You should be. 😉
No, I saw the Peter Ueberoth factor in this guy. He wasn’t a war monger, he didn’t fuck with peeps just to do so. He was a money maker. He would have been boring actually. And boring . . I would have signed up for that over what we have now.
Come on now . . . 😉
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Are you flirting? But yeah, we’ll come up with flair!
Now that is desperate.
That’s why watching “Black Mirror” is so scary. It is not so unbelievably farfetched.
I have zero doubt.
🙂 There ya go again.
I like that. Honestly. Just coz you’re a Republican (and I meant him, not you – but that’s okay, too) doesn’t mean it would have been a bad thing – especially when we look at what you guys have today.
What? You think I was gonna let it slide?
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Me? Flirt? Why surely you have me mistaken with someone el . . . okay I flirted, yes I did. Very much so.
And yes we will come up with a name. Then we’re gonna copyright it.
He was my best friend in high school. He went to the prom, while I took my then girlfriend on a date . . no prom for me.
I might have to see it. Because my mind doesn’t sass me enough . . I am always looking for something to hit it back with.
Z? Meet Ero. Now get it on.
Hey . . I cannot possibly help myself. I was transported from Havana less than a decade before I was born. Never had a chance.
I am no longer a Republican, even if I am still registered as such. Naw, I don’t buy either party at this point in my life. Thing is though, I was never that stereotype of what Republicans are supposed to look like. I was always friends with people who disagreed with me politically, and I even married one.
I woulda been a little miffed if you had.
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Yes, you did. And guess what? I ain’t complaining.
As you would say: Coo!
Ah well… prom is a lotta hoopla
It’s quite good. Each episode is individual with it’s own story and none are related. Some are more disturbing than others.
Oh, I’ll make you meet.
Ahhhh… so it’s the Cubano in you – you can’t help it.
I wasn’t judging. Though, I think that if you were a full-fledged one with all the uhhh “typical attributes”, we might not be where we are today…
I know you would be.
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You never complain. Hardly ever.
You got me. James Brown taught me something about it.
It looks so damn good. But I must, I just really totally must. Scary for me, is good.
You have.
Hate to blame it on that. Okay . . no I don’t hate it at all. They’re still under communist rule, so they can’t sue my ass for such a thing.
I know you weren’t. And no, I have never been that one. Maybe for five minutes in the eighties until I realized it wouldn’t get me laid. But no, after that I tended to both sides of any debate.
MUAH!
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Whaddaya mean hardly? 😉
I do got you.
It is. Some episodes are better than others (scary-wise). You can always check one out and see if you dig it.
I have. And will again.
Blame it on your genes…
I know you know. And I could never see you as that out there. Plus. We know you love the curls so you were wise in bringing it down a notch…
MWAH!!
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Did I write that? Hmmm.
You do.
Imma do just that.
You will.
Don’t get me started on my genes, LOL
I was always way better with perspective than I gave myself credit for.
MUAH!!
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I’ll let it slide
We do 😉
Cool.
Can’t wait.
I kinda like your genes.
That’s part of the whole maturing process… we realise we are more or better than we are.
MWAH!
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Phew!
😉
Ya mean coo?
Me neither
Ya mean my jeans?
It’s nice to have perspective.
MUAH!!
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😉
Of course I meant coo!
Sweet
Those, too.
It is.
MWAH!!
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I thought so.
Saweet that you thought those too. And you’re right, it is.
MUAH!!
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Of course you do.
And I did.
MWAH!!
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Do.
Did.
MUAH!!
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MWAH!
😘
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MUAH!
😘
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😘
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😘
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As per screenplay . HOW???!!!
It pisses me off beyond words. IF these peeps were black or latino . . you think they would be vacationing in Hawaii with their kids missing for half a year? Or maybe the locals would have em in the clink? Asking for a friend. . .
I NEED a host. Billy Crystal . . one more time please?
I had a big crush on Judy Garland when I was seven years old.
Us men are not all pigs.
It was very cool to know Hanks did this.
It’s how rumors get started. Like the song goes.
I’ve been told 😉
No he ain’t. Not even close.
I have watched the Phoenix speech a few times now, because it’s so fucking human to me. It’s out there, like him. But it’s PUTTING himself out there, and I really dig that in a person. He’s many things, but he is genuine. And that matters most to me.
You heard it first! 😉
B
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I just don’t get it! How indeed?
No chance in hell they would be doing the hula in Hawaii… just sayin’.
Me too. I love having a host! Even if we end up bitching about them!
Did you really? How interesting. Would you believe I have been told more than twice that I look like her daughter? I am not sure how I feel about that.
No. I know you are not.
It was. I just wish I could see it!
Indeed. Rumours (you still don’t know how to spell)
Yes. Twice at least, right? 😉
Glad you think so, too.
It’s funny. I have watched it more than once and honestly, he impressed me by being real. No matter if he’s out there or not. He so often is such a prick in these instances but he seems to have turned a new leaf. I respect him for that.
I did!
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Fucking shit. The next time a white person rails on about OJ . . just bring this couple into the conversation, please.
They’re doing a Hulu commercial, more than likely. Because they’re celebrities now.
I need a host just from the standpoint of continuity. Knowing where the show is at, because on Oscar night, it goes four hours strong.
I still say Hannah Storm. You’re the Canadian branch of that very sexy.
Gracias. MUAH!
Dang!
I spelled it without the Canadian.
At the very least.
😉
I do too. The whole canceling people out thing was written about, derisively, in a few online sites. And here I thought it was a great thought, a true one, and a much needed one.
YAYA!
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No kidding!! I just don’t understand this situation at all. No matter how much we talk about it.
That how it works? Go to Hawaii, get a Hulu commercial?
The powers that be think the awards will not go on so long without a host. I dunno…
I’ll take Hanna Storm over Liza Minnelli any day. And I think for sure you are flirting now.
Hey. I KNOW you’re not so… still, you’re welcome! MWAH!
It’ll be out there eventually.
Ahhh.. okay. I’ll accept that.
So… you must go see it 😉
So, we agree, way to go Joaquin!
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Things white people get away with. Sorry to keep saying it, but it happens to be true in this instance.
I hear that’s how it works for . . oh . . see above.
This isn’t Walmart, where lack of employees actually makes the whole operation work even better. This is the Oscars dammit!
I for sure am. Deal with it. 😉
You just flirted a little bit. 😉
You know it will be.
Thank you for that.
Am gonna.
Absolutely. Love how he brought up River too. That wasn’t easy for him, you could tell.
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It’s unfortunately true.
Right.
Buahaha! You have a point!
Will do.
I might have. 😉
It will.
Good! Can’t wait to get your opinion on it.
Yes. It wasn’t because apparently he avoids speaking of him.
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Sadly.
O!
I try and sometimes I make it.
Please.
Yeah . . 😉
Uh huh
I will love it. DT said it was a “masterpiece”.
He does, and I can understand it.
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K. Is it just me, or are these responses now confusing as hell?
So. How ’bout this? I’ll keep on flirting (as I suspect you will).
You go see the movie coz DT is right – it is fabulous.
And we both understand Joaquin’s reticence in speaking about his brother – even all these years later.
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O was Oprah, I think. Really, everything kinda does come back to Oprah.
That is one good deal!
Absotively.
I can’t say I blame him. The Hollywood scribes trash everything he says, why would he want to involve his brother in that nonsense?
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LOL! It does, doesn’t it?
I thought you might think so.
Posilutely.
This is a sad truth. Leave the departed alone…
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She is the Matrix.
I do.
Well done.
They (Hollywood scribes) don’t. Nothing is sacred.
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Truth
Good
Thanks
Vultures, the lot of them
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Truth and goodness and you’re welcome and yes . . they are vultures.
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And all of that.
MWAH!
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Of course.
MUAH!!
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MWAH!
😘
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MUAH!
😘
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😘
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😘
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I’ve heard more than just Dems applaud Pierre Delecto’s vote to remove. If only his comrades would grow a spine. As for more of Brady…maybe the NFL should test him for formaldehyde use? Jeez…why can’t that guy just go the hell a.w.a.y?
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His comrades won’t grow a spine, and as such they do wrong by the peeps they are supposed to be representing. I don’t buy that the whole of ANY constituency is cool with the crap that is going on. And so if you ain’t looking to cover those who feel screwed? You should not be representing anyone, sorry. Go home. These cretins need to get their asses kicked out of office, pronto.
Brady isn’t going anywhere. Didn’t you hear? 😉
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Well it’s not like Romney is some sort of stallworth stand up guy. He still has voted along party lines on just about everything since reaching Congress. He has pressers where he acts like he might have some ethics and principles (much like Jeff Flak, Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins have) but I’m not holding my breath any of them will do the right thing when it gets right down to it. Cowards.
I did see a blurb about Brady, but was hoping it was an ‘net hoax. Jeez-just go away already, dude. The pocket is no place for a walker.
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What a state of affairs we have going. Ugh.
Hahaha! It seems that he really is serious about playing until 45.
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Great post, Marc. You gotta give Antonio Brown one thing that Mother—–r can use the word mother—–r conjugated seven ways, and faster than any human on earth. He is a paragon of good taste. He should get best screenplay for a mother—–r.
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This is so mother________ perfect, Boss. Because you’re right, that mother________ really does know how to bullet train his mother________’s, doesn’t he? It’s a mother________ shame that he made a fool of the Raiders and Saints. The Patriots . . hell, they get what they get. But the rest of his act wasn’t fair to the teams that truly wanted him.
Thanks Boss.
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