The sun is knocking on your door today, bringing you a much needed dose of physical and emotional vitality. Turns out, the sun is very much the flip side of your ex . . who you will wind up wasting all this positive energy on when they call to wish you a happy birthday.
So for the next month, you have a cosmic ticket that . . if punched correctly, will help you focus on all the crazy brilliant plans and ideas you’ve been hatching when you were supposed to have been working. A relationship that lasts longer than a smoke break? Yeah, that would be a nice change.
Jupiter and Neptune are hooking up on Thursday and this might influence your entire week as a result. This may seem like great news, and on a cosmic level it really is. But literally speaking, the composition of these two planets will burn and suffocate you to death. Oh, and the fiery planet of Mars will be aligning with Uranus . . so lay off the spicy food this week.
Your career outlook actually looks promising right now. Okay, it looks decent . . . ish. Which is more than you deserve after the last three severance packages ended in painfully complicated refunds. And thank God for time served, huh?
But never mind all that because change is on the horizon and it’s up to you to make it new moon perfect. Or you could just turn that phone call from the ex into drinks . . and another go round . . and yet another identity in yet another shit bucket town. The choice is yours.
And that’s not helping matters.
This is a classic, Marc. The laugh out loud line of the day is “Oh, and the fiery planet of Mars will be aligning with Uranus . . so lay off the spicy food this week.” I know, I know sophomoric but, hey a laugh is a laugh. This reminds me of a couple of Pisces I dated in college. Always fun, but quite difficult to determine where the heck one is in the morning. Makes you wish you’d left a trail of bread crumbs the night before. Thanks for the laughs.
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I specialize in the sophomoric and I ain’t ashamed to say it. Yes! Pisces are quite unpredictable. But unlike you, I never went looking for them in the morning, 😉
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No, they were with me it’s just I couldn’t remember where we were and how we got there.
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Those were the days, huh?
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They sure were. Can’t imagine how I’m still here.
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Sometimes I wonder if I still am! :}
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LOL
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😉
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Hilarious!!
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Thank you George. Hope you’re not a Pisces?
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B,
You rock these carazy horoscope-things! (Mine’s next and I can’t wait 😉 )
My very first boyfriend was a Pisces… we did the off and on again thing so often, we went to neither of our proms together! Ahhh youtes! Never dated another one again. Wonder why? Must be that fire and water thing, which would come in handy when Mars (which is apparently my planet – who knew?) and Uranus connect, eh?
You keep doing you, which, at least once per month, has us in stitches 😉
Q
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Q,
It’s a long since held tradition (not) to bring horror to the horoscope. Since the time when 800 pound gorillas roamed the blog earth.
No prom for me either. Not mine anyways. Didn’t miss it.
You girls are so funny with signs. Is there really something to em? I only ever paid attention to them if someone told me about it AND . . . and this is the important part . . it was a good horoscope for that day.
Anything with Uranus makes me giggle.
I think this is my last sign coming up, no? That would have completed the dysfunctional cycle, I’m almost certain. 😉
B
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Back before I knew ya 😉
Oh, I went to his prom… just with someone else! And I did go to mine… also with someone else….
Don’t you lump me in with “you girls”! I have no clue on any of this stuff. Like you, I only register the good stuff – who needs anything else?
It’s the boy in you 😉
Mine is the last one, yes. Your Taurus one was a little different but who cares. It was done… Love your dysfunctional cycle.
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800 pounds ago . . .
I was told that my prom would be a “once in a lifetime” experience. And yet I did it three times and truth be told, it was a gyp! No liquor!
That’s what I say! The good horoscopes are the only ones worth paying attention to. Just like fortune cookies. Same diff.
Wherever he got to . . .
Signs, signs, everywhere a sign. I just gave myself the next idea . . fortune cookies!
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Uh huh… ‘nother lifetime, eh?
Pffft. We had lots of liquor but the event itself was okay – but the French schools had no idea how to do it.
Fortune cookies can always be turned into a positive… plus you can add the words ‘in bed’ to any of them – just sayin’.
He’s still around – I’ve caught glimpses…
Ya baby! You’d do a grand job of it, without a doubt!!
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Feels like it.
For me, it was the after party. Okay, a flask and the parking lot for my (her) prom. For the last one I attended, it was straight up dry because I took my sister’s friend who didn’t have a date.
And I do! 😉
Do not alert the authorities, por favor.
It’s gonna probably happen, just to see.
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I’m not surprised.
Ugh. A dry prom is as bad as the dry wedding I went to…
So do I! 😉
Oh, fear not… keeping him to myself.
I can’t wait.
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My son’s wedding was dry. I wasn’t complaining in the least, seeing as how I wouldn’t have been drinking so why should anyone else have fun?
Woot!
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Was it really? I had no idea… I suppose as father of the bride, one must have some reservations…
Yee haw!
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Oh yes, Damian’s wishes and Jayden was on board so that was how it went.
HoooooooWaaaaaaaa!!
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Wow… Is Damian a teetotaler?
(Said in the voice of Al himself, eh?)
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Yes he is. So it broke several generations of drinkers that ranged from raving alcoholics to deranged lunatic drinkers to medicinal purpose partakers. All good things must come to an end.
Of course it was. 🙂
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Well I’ll be… Moderation is much better than those listed above. I have a fair amount of those same folks in my generations…
Nothing like stating the obvious… d’oh! My bad 😉
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I think alcohol is a great leveler. It’s just so damned beautiful, and so underrated.
Tsk tsk . . . 😉
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It is. And shall I add that I am particularly glad YOU are not a teetoler?
I sit here shamefaced… 😛
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I haven’t been a teetolar since the seventh grade, 😉
MUAH!!
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LOL… Why am I not surprised?
MWAH!!
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MUAH!! 😘😘
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MWAH!!! 😘😘
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😉
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You’re . . . not a Pisces. Are you? Bahahaha! 🙂
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Taurus…looking forward…..
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I tell you LA, I think my horoscopes will continue. I was going to call it a day once I did a post for all the signs, but this is popular demand talking to me so really, who am I to refuse that? 😉
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You must continue!
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I love democracy . . . . on we go!
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💗yay!
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🙂
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Just told the Mrs. no spicy food for her this week! Thanks for the tip.
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It’s just for this week, LOL
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Bahahaha…I’ve never gotten into horoscopes until now. Hilarious! My favorite line, the end tag of “And that’s not helping matters.” Unlike, Dale, I’m terrified to read mine, but it’s months away so I have time.
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Ella!!!!!!!
I no do horoscopes unless I write them. That’s my rule.
That there was my drop the mic line, LOL. And what sign are you? Because after Dale’s birthday I was going to move in to fortune cookies and other stuff since I would have gone around the horn on signs. But . . . if I know your sign . . I could always revisit this in a few months. 🙂
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My sign is a “No Parking” sign. 😜So, you can move on to fortune cookies. Cuz that’s legit stuff! I read my horoscope back in August. 😉
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Mango! It seems I have votes coming in on both sides of the aisle! This is getting inneresting.
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Love these
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Thank you PK!
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I love these too. Spicy food? Now I understand..cheers!
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Hahaha!
Salud!
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