First Draft Horoscopes- Aries

Distinguishing Characteristics of the Zodiac Sign Aries ...

You have a keen sense of observation, but it doesn’t mean you get to peek on the neighbor across from you. You know who I’m talking about . . the one with twenty four pack abs? Who exercises in his briefs? And not for nothing, but hosting a Skype party and giving play by play is just a little bit over the top. But hey, you’re a highly creative thinker who loves to push the limits. But maybe it would be a good idea if you made sure those scary creative thoughts are . . yanno . . legal?

One of the first things people sense about you is how sincere you can be . . when you feel like being sincere. Which, come to think of it really isn’t the definition of sincere, is it? Never mind. But of course, it’s all about your quirky sense of humor, boundless charm and timeless sense of style. (When you cut me the check for that last sentence, make it payable to “Marco Loco”, por favor and gracias!).

You ain’t got time for labels, and no one can ever accuse you of being the kind of person to buy into such a thing. Unless the labels are attached to a bottle of something friendly. In that case, you make the bang worth your buck. It’s your unique nature that makes it damn near impossible to define you, but this doesn’t mean you get to skip out on the lunch tab just because you’re going to be late to the matinee.

An outgoing and assertive manner serves you well in poker pot squabbles, political arguments and bar fights. Your uncanny ability to swing a Louisville Slugger in the direction of a person’s unmentionables without missing does the rest. When it comes to serious thought, you’re quite adept. Only problem is, someone usually goes missing afterwards.

68 thoughts on “First Draft Horoscopes- Aries

  1. B (Marco Loco – cheque is in the mail),

    You must be in cahoots with an Aries to write this particular horoscope. Just sayin’

    You have an uncanny knack at getting to the core of the sign Don’t know how you do it.

    Loved this. Smiled through the whole thing – even broke out a guffaw!

    Q (don’t cash the cheque)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Today is The producer’s birthday, and I think you have her described to the letter. Well done, Marc. The someone goes missing part broke me up. The barfight comment reminded me of a time when we were horsing around, and I told her she could hit me with her best shot. You have to know she stands slightly less than five feet and weighs under a hundred. I should have remembered she had been working out. Her best shot knocked me off my feet. To this day, I never repeated that mistake. I also stay behind her in all bar fights. Good one, Marc.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, you really don’t want to get evidence on those Aries peeps. They’ll hunt you down!

        We’re hangin in there-taking loads of walks. Now that the state has 60% less drivers on the roads, it seems they’ve moved their designer dogs and started having parades in HumVee sized strollers. There is just no escaping the millennials in my hood. Saw 17 (yes, you read that right…seventeen!) congregating in the grade school parking lot riding bikes in a small circle while parents were chatting with one another and watching. What the bloody blue blazes happened to adhering to social distancing.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Bwahaha … This is so incredible … actually huge … Unbelievable … Many are people saying the greatest horoscope ever. I say incredible. Truly from a mind of a stable genius. Just so you know, and believe me when I say this, but Melania’s is next – so I don’t want it to be a total disaster like Obama.

    Liked by 1 person

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