Truth isn’t just stranger than fiction, it’s dumber too

You know that scene in every other action movie, where the protagonist turns to no one in particular and says “You just don’t get it, do you?”. After which a terminally ill sounding musical score draws the curtains on a formulaic ending? That’s how most of us are low riding this pandemic through the springtime, as we ponder how in the hell some people can fuck up a glass of water’s worth of logic.

Oscar Wilde once said of the truth that it’s never pure and rarely simple. Hell if he wasn’t onto something . . . .

  • Social distancing equals six feet. It does not mean you ride up on my ass in the grocery store checkout line. I mean, if you’re gonna get that close to me? I need flowers and a nice dinner first.
  • I haven’t watched the wildly popular The Last Dance on ESPN yet, because I cut out cable in January. But I have an idea for all the sports ‘journalists’ opining on whether Jordan would make it in today’s game or if LBJ would make it back in the ’90’s. Pray for live games, because y’all can’t figure your way out of a paper bag without em. Jordan and LBJ would excel in any era, because they would be products of . . that . .  time. Greatness is an adaptation,  so please stop snow-globing these hypothetical scenarios.
  • The vacuum of leadership in Washington got me to thinking on Doris Goodwin Kearns’s book, Team of Rivals. And so when I read how Mitch McConnell wants the Senate to get back to business so’s he can hold confirmation hearings for federal judges, because he wants to lay conservative brick? While at the same time bemoaning his lack of suction in the most recent virus-response bill? Well now, M&M doesn’t have a clue as to how out of touch he looks. What I would give for Abe Lincoln to get five minutes in a room with this guy, just so’s he can set him straight on what strength and vision is supposed to look like.
  • So we’re straight on this “opening the country” business. There’s gonna be some deft maneuvering necessary by state and local leaders. One researcher told the New York Times that if the pandemic were a baseball game, “it would be the second inning”. So yanno, plan accordingly.
  • And because we don’t have enough to worry about, now comes word that Asian giant hornets have landed in the states. Also called “Murder Hornets” (how charming), these winged fuckers decapitate honey bees and pose a serious danger to humans. I mean . . . what’s next?
  • Nicolas Cage is going to play the Tiger King himself, Joe Exotic, in an eight episode series coming soon. I have two questions: Number one, do we really need this shit? And my second question is, where can I watch it?
  • Kate Beckinsale is in love. Get back to me on Friday with how it works out.
  • It appears Fifty Cent and Oprah are feuding. And apologies to Mr Fifty, but I highly doubt Oprah is aware of it.
  • Todd Bridges was trending on Twitter over the weekend, and no . . not because he’s dead. It seems his role in a Little House in the Prairie episode like, a hundred years ago, captured the imagination of the Twitterati. Which has me wondering, when they were trying to come up with a name for the site, why didn’t they just call Twitter “Slow News Day”? Makes more sense.
  • I don’t know what’s more concerning to humankind: COVID-19, or the fact that Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler are parents.

And coming up in next week’s news cycle of What in the Blessed Hell . . .Trump insists he uses Cialis for high blood pressure. Fox News touts heroin as a possible COVID-19 wonder drug. And the New England Patriots are decommissioned by the NRC.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

82 thoughts on “Truth isn’t just stranger than fiction, it’s dumber too

  1. B,

    Boy, did you get that right. Oscar knew what he was talkin’ about.

    – What part of putting the cart between you and the next person do people not get? Like, even before this bloody pandemic, the guy who stands in FRONT of his cart instead of the back where you push, would get an evil eyeful from me. You is in my bubble. Get OUT.
    – I do believe, Sugar, that you can watch The Last Dance on none other than Netflix (at least here in Canada we can…)
    – I hate to say not only M&M needs five minutes with Abe…
    – Opening up the country… they talk about that here too and honestly, it scares the shit outta me coz how?
    – What is up with those Asian Murder Hornets and how did they get on this side of the globe? Is this another case of bringing in one beast to take care of another only to find out that it shouldn’t have been brought in, in the first place? Think Asian carp brought in to “fix” an algae situation only to destroy the natural fish already here… and why are they always Asian?
    – Seriously? Got no better offers, Nick?
    – You are so up on celebrity affairs… you need a break from YouTube 😉
    – Buahaha! Poor “Fitty”
    – Things trending on Twitter… I am so outta da loop on that stuff. Musta been the only episode with a black character (Little House, that is). I used to watch it and I don’t remember it. How the hell does something this old pop up today? Slow News Day indeed…
    – I had to look up both Cavallari and Cutler. I had heard the names before but I didn’t remember what they “did” for a living. And why we even need to know there whats and wherefores is another thing that boggles the mind.

    Cialis, heroin and Patriots… that was quite the mouthful.

    Great song!

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      I almost titled this one “What would Oscar Do?” but then I thought nah . . because you know, truth is dumb as hell sometimes. And it’s funny you should send me that Covidiot mask, because I almost put it on here.

      You’re right. People have no blessed idea when it comes to spacing. And this social distancing thing hasn’t change that fact. Ugh.

      No way Josie. Not in Murica it ain’t available. I looked for it and got bupkis. It’s that Canada/America thing going on again.

      We should reserve time for Congress . . every member. Five minutes with Abe. No cutting in line.

      It can be done, the reopen. But of course, the problem is that too many people are too clueless when it comes to the steps that need to be taken in doing so.

      It was only a matter of time before bees went Chuck Norris on our asses. And of course with all the global kiss and telling we all do, it’s impossible to play keep away. But this hornet . . I want a gun.

      Nick GOT his better offer and this was it, LOL

      A break from YouTube? Surely you jest. I mean, surely . . right? Please say right?

      Fitty ain’t got a clue that Oprah’s not paying attention. She doesn’t concern herself with small change.

      I am always so fascinated by what is trending. Twitter, Yahoo, anywhere really. I mean, how does that happen? What makes an innocuous thing catch fire like that?

      Jay Cutler was given a ten million dollar one year contract by the Dolphins a few years back, which was really nothing more than a retirement gift because he didn’t do shite for us. And Kristin does something or other . . . They were a great pair if you ask me.

      Lots to swallow, I know.

      Got it from The Wire. I was digging it. Gracias lovely.

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • It would have fit right in 😉

        Ugh. If anything, I swear some push the boundaries more!

        Again? Damnation. It makes no sense to me why I can watch it but you can’t!

        Yep. One by one.

        Yeah. Well… It does make me a tad anxious.

        This hornet kills our bumblebees!!

        Uh oh… Poor Nick…

        Umm. Right, Of course, Right!

        None.

        I only find out about what’s trending when I happen to catch Jimmy Fallon or Sorryless 😉

        Ahhh I shoulda known the Dolphins were involved re: Cuter. And Cavallari – I googled her and she is a television personality. Nkay.

        Yeah. Goes down rough.

        I am digging it too!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I was watching it thinking to myself “This is what we’re up against”. And you know what they say, you can’t fix stupid.

          And some peeps revel in the shit. They WANT to push the boundaries, to which I’m always ready to be like “Y’all gonna step off right now, Sparky. Right now . .” Dummies.

          They do this shite and I shake my head. I guess they want us Ameriganos to pay for the ‘privilege’ of having ESPN, even though I wouldn’t watch the channel except to watch this doc.

          Of course, they wouldn’t get it. Because they’re not selfless and stoic the way Abe was. They simply piggyback the accomplishments of leaders like him.

          Me too. These people . . if they would have abided by these rules from the get, think about where we could all be right now!

          Those hornets are fucking terrorists. I want a war declaration. Stat.

          Nick is like Travolta. They are doing ALL kinds of work that you never even hear about unless you have Prime!

          Welp, Imma be watching with you so there’s that. 😉

          I am always amazed at how important some peeps think they are. Oprah Winfrey is like Vito Corleone. She doesn’t war with anyone. She just wins, that’s all.

          What an answer! 😉

          These TV personalities . . ugh. At least they ain’t calling her a celebrity, because she is not a celebrity. Nope.

          It depends.

          Coo . . . .

          Liked by 1 person

          • No. You can’t. But we could maybe throw them in a hangar and that whole weed out… no… my bad.

            Dummies – you are being kind.

            Makes me crazy! (Every Friday night 😉 )

            This is true. They don’t make ’em like him… and the ones who come close end up like him, with a deadly bullet.

            Honestly. This could be a done deal.

            They are!

            Ain’t that the truth!! Now I have Face/Off in my head. Did they ever work together after that?

            That is a good thing.

            Love it! Oprah Corleone!

            Hah!

            That’s exactly what I was thinking… they can’t give her a status more than TV Personality i.e. you’ll find them in “Dancing With the Stars” coz they are somebody but not.

            Hah!

            Indeed.

            Like

          • Throw them in a hangar and let them create the rules for a new, fucked up society . . INSIDE the hangar. Hey! That’s an idea I can peddle to Prime.

            Hey, I can be subtle when I wanna be. I think I exhibited a great deal of self control when speaking of these clueless motherfuckers.

            Friday Night Lights and all that . . .

            Lincoln was his own person, selfless and stoic and well aware of the biggest moments. He didn’t look to make those moments about himself, which is why history is provided with his most perfectly etched inlay.

            But people HAVE to go to Cheesecake Factory, like . . right now. I thought the shit was supposed to kill you?

            And they’re too small to go Rambo on. It’s frustrating.

            I can’t look at those two and not thinking of that movie. And so what if I wanted them to make a sequel? And so what if Cage died in the original? And so what if I want to write Face Off the musical?

            Oprah Corleone is my spirit animal.

            I didn’t even know KC was on that show. And I hope she finds happiness with a non lazy guy.

            You so sweet, you know that?

            Liked by 1 person

          • Hey! That was MY idea. And, don’t forget, since it’s their body, their choice, we also choose NOT to allow them any doctors, coz yanno.

            That you did.

            … and all that…

            He was one of a kind, to be sure.

            Right because they will just die if they can’t get their (insert food here) fix… oh wait, they can just die!

            As big as they are, they are too small. Frustrating and scary the damage they can cause.

            Me neither! Sequel… you are nuts, yanno that?

            Not a bad spirit animal to have.

            I dunno, was she? I was just saying that has- been or lesser-known celebrities end up on that show. Or one who still brings in the moolah, so that the laziness doesn’t matter,

            Like maple syrup.

            Liked by 1 person

          • I agree. Hey, it’s their right to get better on their own. Or not. If they want freedom, they’re gonna get freedom. And in the event of a real apocalyptic event, these dunderheads are gonna fall in line with your truly. Or else . . . .

            The problem with one of a kinds? They’re only one!

            And the food they eat isn’t even any good to begin with . . . .

            What was that line by Bill McBride about how something small can have such a huge impact? Spend a night in a room with a few mosquitoes?

            Nuts? What kind of nuts? I prefer almonds and cashews.

            Not at all. Hey, I coulda chose Emeril.

            She is back in the online dating world. Only NFL players need apply . . . .

            Yummo

            Liked by 1 person

          • Exactly.

            To have more than one would be to diminish their specialness, I guess…

            I know. It’s all crap.

            Exactly! I remembered reading that elsewhere before hearing it from Billy.

            Just so happen to be my favourites, too. Surprise, surprise. Don’t forget the pistachios…

            Uhhhh….nkay…

            WORKING NFL players.

            Thought so. But it can be honey, if you prefer.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Sad to say, the idea of unicorns leaves so much of the world depleted of color entirely.

            Jerky . . a hundred different kinds.

            I seem to remember it as well. But the way Billy says it . . .

            Of course. How can I forget a Friday night staple?

            No Emeril, not ever.

            Yes, LOL. Must be working and preferably on a new long term contract that will pay big. Because there’s a second pool to be had in them thar hills!

            I ain’t ever gonna turn down honey.

            Liked by 1 person

          • How sad is that?

            Blech.

            True. It did come out so much better.

            Slipped your mind, surely.

            No. Never.

            Exactly. Otherwise what’s the point? You are left with a lazy millionaire.

            I didn’t think you would.

            Liked by 1 person

          • It’s why novels are written about the great one. Whereas the novels written about the not so great ones who only THINK they are great, go right to the clearance bins.

            I never got into jerky.

            Smooth like.

            Not really. I know what pistachios mean 😉

            Ever.

            Bahahahaha! Whose money is going to run out, remember.

            Nope

            Liked by 1 person

          • So very true!

            Me neither. No matter how many flavours there are.

            Uh huh.

            What do pistachios mean? 😉

            Indeed. He ain’t still earning? Outta heah!

            Smart man,

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Super essay on the truth, Pilgrim. I for one do not listen to politicians. It simply makes no sense to do that. I have yet to observe let alone meet a politician who even knew what was truth let alone talk it. I wish we could get a very strong firehose and just turn it on at the capital and the Whitehouse. I think we could flush a lot of vermin out of there. Sure, open the country but for me, I’m laying low. I don’t trust anyone who says they know what is best for me. This immune-compromised, asthmatic, cancer survivor will come out when I’m damn good and ready. The President on Cialis for high blood pressure? Why on Earth do we have to know that anyway? Enjoyed it Marc.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Only if Abe were gonna throat punch M&M. I just learned today that “freedom” apparently means “irresponsibility.” Sign on local Walmart (my 3 store today looking for whole wheat flour-no love there either but that’s a different rant) specifically says you need to wear a mask to enter. Guy breezes in front of me mask-less. WTF? Once inside, I discovered LOTS of mask-less peeps. Even if they’d have had WW flour, I’m not sure I would have bought it. And it seems clear that the “loosening” of social distance rules means get out there and make up for lost time. Darwin’s pool may get a lot bigger and not in the good way. 👿

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Marco

    Cialis for high blood pressure? Hm…I wonder if…never mind. I am personally appalled at the Covidiots and cling to my constitutional right to stay the hell away from them. I don’t understand reopening states where the numbers of cases have only gone up…like my state of Missouri for example. I could go on and on about what and whom I don’t care about (that’s 2 about’s in one sentence..oy)
    “Stop children, what’s that sound, everybody look what’s goin down…”
    Peace out…
    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rochelle,

      Apologies for the lateness of this, but your comment went to spam! I’ve been scarce from the blog as it is, but my spam folder, evidently, is keeping up.

      As for the Cialis, it seems Mr Big Hands would have lots of splaining to do in the event it was ever discovered that he was taking. But of course his minions would buy any story he put out. He takes it for rashes . . he likes the taste . . . he never gets high on his own supply . . .

      We re-open and then what? It’s problematic, but it’s happening anyways. I know that we are not officially “open” here in Pa, and yet, people have been out in force.

      Peace out lovely!

      Marco

      Liked by 1 person

      • I did wonder. I thought you were ignoring me. Not really. There are a couple of my readers whose comments skip spam and go to my trash folder. Not sure why. I don’t see evidence of key words in them. So I do a daily, sometimes thrice daily, folder checks.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. On the list of things that I want to watch, Last Dance is absolutely nowhere to be found. I am just so sick of the celebrity obsessed culture and the need to keep rehashing these people over and over and over and over. Why can’t they just go quietly into the good night at some point, you know? I think it’s one of the reasons I’m not missing sports much is that so much of it is not about the game anymore. I mean, seriously, people actually sit in front of a screen and watch a draft?

    The mental midgets in Washington and Team of Rivals … I’m reading this book, The Family. It’s about the rise of Christian Fundamentalism in America and how it became such a force in American politics. It’s a really, really frustrating book. But yesterday, I read a piece that was describing Mark Hatfield and Henry Scoop Jackson. Hatfield was a Republican from Oregon who was vehemently opposed to the Vietnam War. Jackson was a Democrat from Washington who was as militaristic as anybody at the time. Can you imagine either type existing today? I can’t. If you’re a Democrat, you must toe the line 100%. Nothing matters except for the orthodoxy and the Sanders and the AOCs of the world keep pushing that Dem orthodoxy further and further to the left, while the same thing is happening to the Republicans. There is no ground for different views in either party, and there certainly is little tolerance for party members to cross the line and actually compromise and collaborate.

    If it’s only the second inning, I feel like it’s time for a long reliever to come in because the starter ain’t getting it done. And then we’re going to have to worry about the 7th inning guy, the 8th inning guy, and the closer. Who you got in those roles?

    So … the Cage – Joe Exotic thing. Are they just turning the documentary into a scripted show or are they actually going to turn over new dirt?

    Todd Bridges … hate to say it, but I remember that from all the way back.

    Like

    • But everything has been celebritized any more. From writing to cooking to giving a simple speech on climate change. So you got a guy like MJ, arguably the greatest to ever play the game. He makes more in sneaker money TODAY than current players. And yet, he had bupkis on the trend cycle because he’s the owner of some team in the Carolinas and like most great players, he’s not hitting that ceiling in any other sporting endeavor. So you think he wasn’t all in on this doc?

      I love the Association, but I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been getting drunk on Ken Burns’ Baseball all over again. And I’m palenty fine with that.

      And that right there is why the democrats are fighting a losing battle come November. They have an imminently beatable incumbent, on the heels of a really very ugly couple months presiding over a pandemic by playing pin the tail on the donkey. And yet, they lag behind because there is zero cohesion in the party. And they’re going to push poor old Joe out there, whose best days ain’t coming back through that door. The party should be ashamed. But yeah, toe the line and this is the shit prize we ALL have to deal with as a result.

      I would go with Eric Plunk in the seventh, Mark Eichhorn in the eighth and if I said anyone other than Mariano for the ninth? I’d have my Bronx card revoked.

      Doesn’t matter, to me. Because I watched Drunken Joe Exotic Tiger and it was full of horrible people. Ain’t nothing more to uncover that hasn’t been uncovered as far as I’m concerned.

      Ironic that he’s the last one standing . . .

      Liked by 1 person

      • I can’t imagine why a biopic of Joe Exotic needs to be done. It can’t possibly be better than the documentary. I just don’t see the point, except that somebody wants to cash in. And I’m getting tired of people cashing in. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • It doesn’t! No one asked for it. Not even the people who watched the damn show. But of course, since it went gangbusters on Netflix, you KNOW they’re gonna hop on.

          Me too. But that’s the way of the world. Maybe we’re just purists, but fuck it, I’d rather be one than see everything through such a gilded lens.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. You always make me happy that I haven’t a clue about what most of the current cultural references in your posts refer to. Reminds me that I’m busy living my life. As for the Covid BS, I’m pretty sure Alice took too many bites of the mushroom. And D.C. needs Abe and Teddy to come do some whoop ass, bigtime.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi – have you ever heard of “newsy”
    I rather like their little news articles because at least they are not slanted with bias like some of the big sources
    And that song was smooth-

    Liked by 1 person

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