Sports is like Family: Dysfunctional with lots of yelling

With the MLB season only days away and the NBA season not far behind it, this felt like a peach time to cook up some sports paella. Please note that if you plan on using any of this information for wagering purposes, you’re probably a degenerate gambler . . . .

  • New name for the Washington Redskins? That’s easy. The Washington Champions. Because as long as Dan Snyder owns the club, they ain’t gonna be winning in January.
  • And not for nothing but, are the revelations about sexual harassment in the Washington organization enough to force Snyder out? And if not now, when?
  • We need a new NFL commissioner. Raja makes it rain for his old boy network, but he isn’t quite so proficient at braving the social issue storms that rock the boat. He merely provided lip service when it came to getting Kaepernick back in the league. And he was silent on the anti-Semitic rhetoric being spewed by one of his players after he got done preaching inclusivity on the BLM front. He is tone deaf, inaccessible and downright aloof in a time when the league needs much better.
  • Have the Dodgers and Astros start the season with a one game, winner take all reboot on the 2017 World Series. Houston doesn’t get to steal signs and Los Angeles doesn’t get to opine on the one that got away in perpetuity.
  • Move the three point line back in the NBA. Make what happens inside the blocks matter again, rather than rewarding teams who play no defense and simply hoist half a hundred three pointers a game.
  • Someone please mention the NHL? Somewhere? All these overpaid hacks who write about the same damn thing every day now that there are no games being played . . haven’t once mentioned the NHL even in passing.
  • The Edmonton Oilers have one of the more underrated jerseys in sports.
  • How about an open air hockey game in Alaska sometime? Or Central Park?
  • And see what I mean, lazy sportswriters? It ain’t hard . . .
  • Contraction in the MLB will never happen even though it should. Sorry Florida baseball fan (singular), but the Marlins and Rays have to be dissolved. We start there and move forward. The league is too watered down and these two locales are money pits.
  • STOP BEATING US OVER THE HEAD WITH USELESS DATA!!! If you work up the data, you can figure a way to make Dak Prescott a ‘better’ QB than Patrick Mahomes. Thing is, since his rookie season Dak is 6-17 vs teams with a record of .500 or better while Mahomes just won a Super Bowl. Imma take the real world results over data.
  • And may I say again how proud I am to root for a Dolphins club that has a black GM and head coach? They didn’t talk it into being, they simply made it happen. So how in the blessed does Eric Bienemy of the Chiefs not have his own team right now? No good reason.
  • Note to NBA players: Shush ups, buttercups. We don’t want to hear about your hardships inside the bubble. Ever since the Association made the scene in Orlando, various players have been bitching and moaning about how horrible the amenities are. Meanwhile, businesses nationwide are shuttered and scores of people are still jobless. Funny how these guys will let us know how socially conscious they are in one breath while giving themselves away in the next.
  • Note to sports television analysts: Speak English. We know y’all make way too much money, considering the fact that not a single fan tunes in because you’re calling the game. But stop complicating the language to prove you’re worth the monopoly money. It’s not “putting the ball on the ground”  . . it’s a fumble. And it’s not “exit velocity”, it’s hard hit! And the probability of a catch being made is either zero or one hundred . . and nowhere in between, sorry. Oh, and one more thing. It’s not a walk off hit . . it’s a game winner. Thanks.
  • Let’s please stop pandering to the divas. Cam Newton and Odell Beckham have many things in common. They’re both immensely talented, they both came into the league with tons of hoopla, and neither one of them has actually won anything. No one is being unfair to them, so please kill that stupid narrative. Give the pub to guys like Chris Long and Larry Fitzgerald, whose contributions on and off the field possess substance. Because style may grab the headlines, but it gets old quickly.
  • Without fans in the stands, how on earth is FOX going to litter the good seats with actors for its fall TV lineup? I’m thinking holograms.
  • Can we please give Monday Night Football to a network not named ESPN? Because they done ruined the franchise.
  • I hope someone in the MLB hits .400 in this abbreviated season. Because while it won’t count against Ted Williams’ historic ’41 season, it’d just be nice to have a baseball moment that doesn’t include more home runs.
  • And I hope deGrom wins a third straight Cy Young. To which there is no asterisk, because every pitcher has the same chance.
  • And one more baseball wish? Trout in October. The best player in the MLB on the biggest stage. I’m in.
  • May all the games and all its players be safe inside this craziest of times.

 

69 thoughts on “Sports is like Family: Dysfunctional with lots of yelling

  1. Beautiful post, pilgrim. Reminded me about the time I attended a lecture by Paul Samuelson the premier economist of the century. He demonstrated that for all intents and purposes he was a genius. You and he have impressed me with the scope of your grasp of the subject. Sad to say I didn’t understand most of what was said on both occasions. I do think you are brilliant though. I agree with you on the NBA players shutting the fuck up (Your words were so much more elegant) about venue conditions. Also, the antisemites ought to be tossed out. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m all in on the Washington Thunderchickens.

    For the NBA – why stop with a 3 point line … stripe the whole damn court … and include a spot that a basket from X is an automatic win – game over – get the opening tip – get it to the spot – make it – then watch the network switch to another game.

    At least the NFL Commish is not Bud Selig.

    Several Dolphins will probably be on my Fantasy Draft List of Possible Impalers.

    Bengals haven’t signed any draft picks – I think they are hoping for season cancelled before next week.

    Regarding outdoor air hockey in Alaska https://tinyurl.com/y3cewlux

    Liked by 1 person

  3. B,

    With posts like these, I am way outta my league and know I can’t say much but tell you I am in awe of your knowledge on this stuff.

    I can, however, comment on the friggen three-point line in the NBA. Don’t you find it looks like an over-sized ping-pong game now?

    Yeah. Screw the NBA and MLB, where’s the NHL?

    I’m in to watch (and play – just so ya know) air hockey!

    Useless data – who needs it? Proof is what we see in front of us, no? Mahomes did more than his job and won the Super Bowl. What more do you need?

    Those poor NBA players. Not.

    Oh! Yew! Thank you for mentioning that. What the hell is up with not using direct lingo. We all know what a fumble is! Putting the ball on the ground sounds like it was deposited just so and now, do with it what you will. Thank you for clarifying walk off hit… wasn’t quite sure what that meant.

    The divas will always exist. In every sport. Well, I dunno… are there any in the NHL? I’m sure if there are, you will know.

    Gawd, I know nothing and yet I managed to blather all over your post… Apologies?

    Love your music selection (of course). That’s a great earworm to have.

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      I know for a fact you can carry on a sports conversation. Been there and done it witcha. Like . . . how about the fact the Blue Jays are looking for a ballpark stateside! Because they’re not allowed to play in Canada . . .

      It’s just too much. Teams don’t have to take defense seriously and all those tall guys are wasted if they can’t shoot from outside. Bring back the days of Kareem and his sky hook from ten feet!

      Nowhere to be seen. Yanno, not for nothing but most of these sports talking heads are one trick ponies.

      Now THAT is the game.

      And yet, with their data they can take a good QB (not great by any stretch) and rank him ahead of a guy who can play the position in a way that no QB ever has before.

      They just need to stop whining about how bad they got it inside the bubble. Peeps really don’t need to be hearing those hardship stories right now.

      And here’s another thing. Rules. The ground can’t cause a fumble? Why not? Ugh.

      What IS a walk off home run? Makes no sense to me.

      The NHL has Sidney Crosby, I think. But even he wouldn’t be considered one in comparison to other sports. And listen, these guys just need to shut up and play. Cam and OBJ are magnificent performers who haven’t performed much lately. Just do it guys.

      See what I told ya?

      I got a hot one for manana, just so you know. 😉

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, sure, I can talk sports to a certain degree. I’m still in awe of your knowledge, k? And they are? Shit. But they are from Toronto so we don’t want ’em anyway.

        Defence? Who needs defence? Watch this… ball sails over court for the one hundredth “swoosh” of the game (boooooring. Oh yeah… Now THAT was something to see!

        Hmm… I hadn’t thought of it till you did mention it. NHL done vanished. And I’ll take your word for it as I don’t watch sports talking heads.

        And it’s fun, too!

        Data. Yanno, you can have all the top numbers in the world but – ahem – at the end of the day, if you “put the ball on the ground” and the other teams picks it up and wins with a “stolen” touchdown, your stats mean diddly-squat, don’t they?

        They need to, what did you say? shush up buttercup.

        What? What does that mean? The guy trips, ON THE GROUND, and fumbles… so, what? it doesn’t count as such? Clarify, please…

        Yeah, well… as far as Divas go, Crosby is pretty, what do they say? Canadian… so we don’t diva much. Not saying we don’t have our share, but in the NHL… not so much. Yes, Just do it.

        You told me. Guess I can baffle with my bullshit with the rest of ’em!!

        Hot, Sizzle hot? or Hot, to the touch?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Wow! Bringing the hate on Toronto!

          Too much of anything, is how the saying goes.

          The NHL rarely if ever gets talked about. And the thing is, it’s not like these talking heads are providing with stories that are interesting. Nope. It’s the same shit. Every. Day.

          I love it when I see a “catch probability” . . because it’ll say that the outfielder defied all odds in making a great catch on a ball that had a 21 percent catch probability. And I’m like, no . . it was 100 percent! He caught it!

          That’s what I say!

          And the idea that you have to have “football possession” of a ball or make a “football move”? My God, it’s too much.

          The biggest diva in the NHL is a tough guy in other sports is what you’re saying, 😉

          We share this gift!

          Sizz-AA- leeeng!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Oh come on now… tell me you don’t have hate between, say, the Yankees and the Mets? And that’s in the same STATE!

            This is true. Too much of a good thing is too much. Same goes for bad.

            It’s true. Guess it’s not big money like baseball or basketball or football, for that matter.

            Catch probability… yo… that’s just silly.

            And you did!

            Football possession – like… you’re holding the ball? What’s a football move? A run? A tackle? A shift and out-manoeuvre the other? A sack? Da fuck?

            I guess that is what I am saying 😉

            You do it so very well…

            Ooohhh…. Tssssss!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Zero hate for the Mets. Unless they are playing the Yankees. Nope, my hate is reserved for the Red Sawx. And Rays as well these days. I’m also not a fan of the Cubs. But that’s about it.

            You’re pretty schmart.

            It’s simply the best live sport going, that’s all. Great jerseys too. I mean . . sweaters.

            But it’s meant to justify the insane salaries they throw at these guys. And then they will whine about money lost with no games being played . . and then they will overpay another loud mouth.

            I did.

            Silly me, I thought ANY move on a football field would easily be considered a football move.

            LOL

            Gracias.

            MUAH!

            Liked by 1 person

          • And, I was gonna mention the Red Sox coz I know you don’t love ’em… and didn’t know about the Rays nor the Cubs – and to be fair, I should have named a club from another State to compare why we diss anything from Toronto.

            If I weren’t you’d have nothing to do with me 😉

            Sweaters? Duuuuude.

            Of course… pay them the big bucks to say nothing, really.

            Me too… go figure. There must be some special moves that are called football moves? How could we not know this?

            😉

            You know I tell it like it is 😉

            MWAH!

            Liked by 1 person

          • On the other side of the equation are teams I kinda dig. Not enough to root for but because I just dig them. The Royals, Giants, Padres, Reds and of course Mets.

            Puh-leezie

            That’s what they call them up there, no?

            Overpaid, seriously overpaid.

            We ain’t privy to it unless we’re making five mil a year to say bupkis.

            Always.

            MUAH!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Well, yes, of course there are. How else could you write these fab sports posts?

            Oh puh-leezie me…You don’t do dummy.

            Are you mocking me? I’ll give you a “sweater”…

            Way.

            I guess. But we know better so we’ll just keep using the terms – all the football terms that make sense, that is.

            Always.

            MWAH!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Can’t read it as I’m not subscribed but I shall take your word for it. Wait… lemme check something…Okay… in the EARLY days it was called a sweater coz they played outside in the cold. So.. good for you on earning yet another piece of pie.

            True ’nuff.

            Don’t stop.

            MWAH!

            Liked by 1 person

          • It debates whether jersey or sweater is the appropriate name. If you do the Google, your results will show that sweater was the traditional reference back in the day. Replaced by jersey, I guess when it became merch for teams.

            See?

            I read the first sentence and could have saved myself writing that explanation, but then I wouldn’t be a writer, would I?

            Troof!

            Evah

            MUAH!

            Liked by 1 person

  4. How can you do this to me? So much to cover, so little time. To quote a famous blogger, “Ima try.”

    The Washington NFLers — very high on my list of “I don’t care.”

    Roger Goodell — he has presided over the NFL expanding its reach, its profits, and its never-ending role in American culture. Why should he speak up on some of these issues when the owners, most of them anyway, don’t bother to either. I don’t think they want him to. What they want is vanilla and in Goodell, that is exactly what they have.

    NBA three point line — I think you’re right. It’s comparable to the all-or-nothing approach in baseball now. It’s made the game a bit more boring and a bit more predictable. Run down the court, shoot a three, run back, let the other team shoot a three, run back … and on and on and on.

    What is the NHL? I must have missed something.

    Contraction in all of the major sports wouldn’t be a bad idea.

    Useless stats and words — thank you, thank you, thank you. It’s things like exit velocity, launch angle, and other useless minutiae that have made watching baseball games so much more difficult the past few seasons, and other leagues are joining in the “fun.” It’s one reason why I generally watch a game on TV with the sound down. Put on some music. Ignore the “wordsmiths” who are trying so desperately to turn every pitch, swing, and play into a momentous event.

    It would be nice to see Trout in the post-season, but I’m betting that if he ever makes it, he’ll hit below .200 with no HRs.

    And now, I’m waiting to see if my prediction that none of these leagues would play games that count this year. I’m stunned they have got this close, but it’s not too late for me to be right.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Maybe we should contract Washington for starters . . .

      He is akin to one of those cardboard cutouts in the stands when it comes to the most important stuff. I’ll never forget his bogus claim to fans that personal seat licenses (which effectively priced many out of the market) were “good investments”. And how he would go on about the league being one big family while turning a blind eye to concussions, until his hand was forced to do so.

      It makes no sense to me that the league wastes so much talent, given the fact that not every player can hoist up a three whenever they feel like it. I think it would be fascinating to see the battles in the blocks between the likes of Embiid and Giannis, etc. As it is, James Harden is in the MVP race every year despite the fact he is a three point shooter who plays no defense whatsoever.

      It’s the league that gifted us 99, one of the greats of all time. After which it slowly went away. Funny thing about it, it’s very much a niche sport. Most arenas are packed nightly but national ratings suck.

      Start with Florida. The leagues are too watered down, I believe.

      It drives me batty, this lingo that is used in order to call these people “experts”. Please. Launch angle my ass!

      Spoken like a true Giants fan.

      I thought the same, but it looks like we have a go for Thursday. Ironically, the sport with the biggest head start- the NFL, is the one with the most issues right now.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Regarding the NBA … I do have to say that I really hope we don’t go back to the days of one-on-one basketball while eight guys stand around and watch. If they can bring back the inside game while also keeping the flow and pace that exists now, that would be great, but if it returns to how the game was played by most NBA teams from about 2005 – 2015, they’ll lose me again.

        Regarding my comment about Trout, that wasn’t a pro-Giants, anti-Angels thought. It was really about how much anticipation there is for him to play in the post-season and how frequently it seems that anticipation isn’t actually satisfied.

        The NFL? Issues? Shock! Dismay! See your earlier comment about their willful negligence on concussions and you’ll understand how they have been so screwed up in a situation where they actually have to care about the health of their players.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh man, there was so much meat on this here drumstick! First, RG is a jerk. I know, obvious but at $44M a year (as last reported in 2013) the league is getting short changed in 44 million ways. All his posturing and smug comments with his actions really underscore what he’s all about.

    Eric Bienemy–yay!! The former Buff and Denver metro area favorite deserves the head coach’s position. If the Chiefs continue their namesake/mascot and that obnoxiously offensive chop by fans, it’s the very least they could do.

    You absolutely nailed it with decrying the hockey drought. The fact that the entire Tampa Bay Lightning tested positive a while back barely got any coverage.

    Overall it just seems like there’s a whole lotta trying to fit a square peg into the round hole of sports. Forcing players to play to empty or near empty stadiums/arenas seems as dumb as not wearing a mask this day and age. While the leagues say they’re testing players every day, I wonder how it is they’re getting results every day. With so many players having young families, pregnant wives-it just seems dangerous for themselves and their families. Ok, I’ll climb off my soapbox now. 😇

    Liked by 1 person

    • He’s a big, fat phony. But he’s got the Hyman Roth Effect (Godfather reference). He makes his partners money, so he’s got a place at the table.

      I do not understand how he doesn’t have a head coaching gig. Minority coaches have a hard enough time as it is, you would think a guy who helps steer his club to a title in such fashion would have teams knocking down his door. What is up with that?

      Not a word was spoken of it. These sports ‘journalists’ were too caught up in whether Cam is going to make the Patriots a juggernaut.

      I was of the opinion they should have just canceled out sports for the year. In the grand scheme of things, we have bigger fish to fry right now. And I do not hold it against a single player who decides to opt out, because they’re right. They leagues absolutely cannot guarantee their safety.

      Like

      • I totally agree on each and every point. The Bozo Broncos could definitely use Eric’s help!

        I just got an email from the NHL announcing the playoff schedule. Lord knows the hedge fund known as the Denver Post won’t cover the Avs who’ll be playing on the 2nd night of exhibition games. Hell prep games get better cover than hockey. Maybe I should subscribe to the Detroit Free Press where you actually can get hockey news. 🙄

        Like

  6. Won’t pretend I get many of the references here Marc, but as a fan who goes to watch his team, like you, I can’t wait for things to restart. Also, hearing how hard it’s been for folk with money, big homes (and big gardens) is never pretty. Cheers laddie

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I love watching sports, I just don’t know how any of these seasons are going to finish. It’s crazy watching a baseball game in an empty stadium with piped in fan noice and cutouts begins home plate. As for the jerk in Washington, (sorry, we have two there don’t we), how was there not an investigation in 2018? If the NFL really gives a damn about sexual assault and abuse, he has to be gone. If he’s not, then stop pretending you care about women.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Start, yes. But I agree with you as to the question mark regarding a finish.

      I started off saying no way they play sports this year so I guess? This is progress? I just hope they are realistic and respectful of these guys.

      Yeah I know . . how IS that going to come off? And umm . . for the worst teams, maybe they can provide a laugh track instead of applause.

      AMEN. He should have been gone years ago when the first story came out about a getaway with those cheerleaders serving as escorts. How in the hell is he still there?

      But that’s the NFL for you. Never ending Lip Service.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The NFL is one of the more lucrative investments you can have right now in terms of team ownership. The fact that three investors have been trying to get out in a tough climate speaks to how bad it must be and how much more is going on that we don’t know.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Hahaha – the air hockey game in Alaska –
    Still laughing
    And it is sad that Washington NFL team has so many issues – I once heard a group of folks chatting about some of their root problems – just listened – The owner can up —
    Anyhow / I like how you said they won’t be winning in January – sure hope they can figure things out

    Liked by 1 person

    • It could happen, LOL

      It’s time for that owner to be gone. Washington football used to mean something. There was a solid tradition going on. Under Snyder there have been more headlines off the field than on it.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I think it’s rich that Kaepernick has not been picked up, meanwhile anyone and/or everyone gets to take a knee, or wear supportive slogans on practice jerseys.
    I see no fairness in sports at this point. Kaepernick should be playing football!
    Hope the Blue Jays find a good home for the season!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.