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Heroes Of The Week!

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30 Funniest Parks and Rec Quotes of All TIme | Best Life

As we inch closer to a national election that feels as if it was written by Judd Apatow, I thought about petitioning for a recount on my last Heroes episode. And then I realized that I didn’t actually use a political theme for the post, so never mind. And for the record? I’m voting for Bobby Newport in November. I’m half serious about that, and as Bobby would say, the other half is serious too. 

So now that I’ve gone two straight Heroes episodes without having talked politics, and my reward is an actual theme to gift you this week. The lovely Dale is playing Luke Skywalker, seeing as how she sent me three heroic stories this week. While I pick up the slack for Darth Vader by supplying the zeroes. I know, shocker!

And now for this week’s lineup . . .

The Yankees And Rays Absolutely Hate Each Other And It's Fucking Awesome | Barstool Sports

Up until this moment, the Tampa Bay Rays have been that other team in every baseball movie. They’re a monochrome curiosity that is good enough to take the champion fifteen rounds, before getting steamrolled by the closing credits. But now they have a club with a legitimate chance to win it all, and so maybe their manager Kevin Cash should start behaving as if he’s been here before. The Rays skipper got all bent out of shape after Yankees closer Aroldis Chapman threw a a hundred mile an hour missile at his player’s head. Cash and his team have every reason to be pissed, but then he went and said this . . .

“Somebody’s got to be accountable,” Cash said. “And the last thing I’ll say on this is I got a whole damn stable full of guys that throw 98 mph. Period.”

How about you make the MLB do it’s fucking job. Make sure they hold Chapman and the Yanks accountable. But an outright threat such as the one Cash threw out serves no good purpose. If he’d chosen his words wisely, the onus would be entirely on the Yankees, but Cash went minor league instead. That’s a shame. 

Like any responsible homeowner, Dave Phoxe of Salt Lake City, Utah does what he can to keep his home and family safe from harm. He installed a security camera that syncs to his phone, alerting him to any uninvited guests who make the scene. So when he discovered that a little kid was using his driveway as a racetrack, he could have stormed outside and told the kid to scram. But Phoxe had a better idea. And so he made his driveway into a racetrack, drawing a lane that zigged and zagged to a finish line. Something tells me he’s got one hell of an encore for the kids who play on his lawn when he’s an old man. 

Clay Higgins says on Facebook that armed demonstrators 'won't walk away' from Louisiana protests | News | theadvocate.com

Congratulations to Clay Higgins, the U.S. Representative out of Louisiana’s third district for taking the prize as biggest asshole of the week. No easy task these days, and yet Higgins makes it look easy with commentary that would make a serial killer wince. 

Higgins hopped on Facebook this week (This is what’s called foreshadowing) and proceeded to shit his feelings into the virtual world. His topic of conversation in this instance were the armed protesters showing up across his state. And for those of you with an allergy to ass hats with Rambo fetishes, you might want to move on to the next story, because the following is a sample of his rant. 

“I’d drop any 10 of you where you stand,” Higgins began, before continuing with “Nothing personal. We just eliminate the threat. We don’t care what color you are. We don’t care if you’re left or right. if you show up like this, if We recognize threat…you won’t walk away.”

I mean, where do I begin? Okay, maybe with an observation that goes something like this: Old Clay wasn’t posting shit like this on FB when white kids in PBR caps were walking through Wal-Marts fully armed. So yanno what I always say . . . there is that. 

Tom Seaver, greatest Met ever, dead at 75

Okay, so I lied. Imma dish up a tribute to an all time great who was a hero to every Queens kid back in the days of bell-bottom jeans and 8-track players. Tom Seaver blessed the game of baseball in myriad ways over a career that spanned three decades and five cities. He won 311 games to the tune of a 2.86 ERA in that space of time. He snagged Rookie of the Year honors in 1967 and was the ace of the Miracle Mets World Series team in ’69. He was a Cy Young winner three times over, an All Star twelves times and he pitched a no hitter as a member of the Cincinnati Reds in 1978. But as a man, he contributed even more than that. He was an ambassador whose grace, wisdom and experience has left a lasting impression on the game he loved. They really don’t write them like Tom anymore. 

Okay, for this last story Imma do things a little differently and just let author Shaka Senghor take us home. In his words. Because I could not have said it any better than he did on his Facebook post.

Last Friday night I was standing outside of a barbershop in Cincinnati, Oh,with a small group of mostly black men, when this officer walked over to a group of us. He looked around curiously and said “I don’t see a car blocking an intersection” while shaking his head. I asked him what was he talking about. He said someone called and reported that we had a car blocking the intersection. He paused for a minute and shook his head again. In that moment we both nodded and acknowledged what had just happened. Someone basically saw our group and made a false report. I asked him how long he had been on the job and he said 10 months. He asked what we were doing at the barbershop and so told him about the barbershop challenge Men of Courage and Ford Fund has sponsored. I asked if he wanted to come inside. He said he wanted to, but didn’t want to spoil the fun with his presence. Again we both nodded and acknowledged the reality of distrust between the community and police officers. I offered to take him inside so he could meet the owners and establish a relationship. I told him that someone has to take the first step to healing these relationships. He said he wanted to, but was unsure of what the reaction would be. I told him it would be cool and that Jerome Bettis and a host of other amazing people were inside. He lit up like a light bulb and said “No way The Bus is in there”, with a kid like smile. I said hold on, I’ll grab him and have him come out. Jerome Bettis came out and the officer stood there with his mouth agape before saying “if my dad was still alive he would be so excited, because you were his favorite player”. We all stopped and sat in the moment before they went on to take a selfie together. It was one of those moments that reminded me of our humaneness, our frailties and our similarities. In that moment we were all just men navigating the world without the mask we are taught and trained to wear. I could have taken my offense to the call out on the officer and accused him of being a racist cop. He could have believed the caller and acted based on stereotypes about black men in groups. But we chose to just see each other and talk like humans. It’s ultimately a decision we can all make. When he lit up like a kid at seeing his dad’s sports hero, I saw a little boy and the uniform no longer mattered. We can collectively choose to see beyond the uniforms we all wear.

It’s not easy and there is a lot of work to be done, but if we can at least start seeing each other, I believe things will get better.

 

 

 

 

66 thoughts on “Heroes Of The Week!”

  2. The last story did it for me, Pilgrim. If only every situation could have a foundation of maturity like this we might stand a chance. I’m tired of the rhetoric on both sides. I’m tired of the destruction of normalcy. This lawless and unthinking behavior can’t be the way to make a better world. I wish both sides would load up a big ole boat and take it outside. Tom Seaver was a real player. Nice tribute. Loved the driveway raceway. Thanks to Dale for the stories

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  3. Great edition. Loved the racetrack, plus the Louisiana rep is an asshat and then some. I recall two stories.

    It was a nice day, so I thought it was a nice night to go to a Reds game. Decided (for whatever reason) not to go. Yep – I missed Seaver’s no-hitter.

    When he came to the city, he moved into a condo along the golf course I worked at in the summer. I knew his place – just off the fairway near the 3rd tee. As I mingled with golfers, they would ask me were Seaver lived. I could be standing near his place, and say – way on the other side. I met him once, and told him how I answered the question – and he was very appreciative … but no tickets. Damn!

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  4. B,

    I like to think Chapman wasn’t aiming for the guys head… but as you said, it’s the MLB’s job to do something, not for Cash to threaten like this.

    I just love the Phoxe story! And now not only kids are “riding his track” either! Such a good-hearted thing to do.

    Jesus Murphy. Bravo Higgins. Nothing personal. Right.

    Glad you lied. Tom Seaver deserves a spot this week. Too young to die, I say.

    And yes. I am beyond glad you used the Barbershop story. That rookie cop, Colin Higgins has not been, how to say this, sullied, by today’s overly-quick reactionary attitude and took the time to really chat with these gents to see what was really going on; that he was called in for nothing is such a beautiful thing and speaks volumes. I can’t imagine some old-time, seen-it-all cop would not have been aggressive without knowledge of the what’s what. And we know there are more good cops out there than bad but we have to keep showing stuff like this to remind folks.

    Al Green and Annie Lennox – perfect!

    Q

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    • I’m not a big Chapman fan. But I would like to think he wasn’t. Bottom line is, Cash could have stood up for his guys without the threats. That kind of shit has no place, or it shouldn’t anyway.

      That is such a cool story. And in the piece it talks about how the kid is improving with his bike skills thanks to the course mapped out.

      Yeah but the Big Boss in Washington loves this shit. Higgins won’t get so much as a talking to, unless he’s being invited to the White House for McDonalds on Rambo Marathon Night.

      Seaver was always so erudite. He was an interesting guy to listen to when he would talk about his playing days.

      There IS another side to all this. A side where cops like these understand full well the mess they have to try and clean up now. And this story is a BRAVO to both sides of the aisle, because the guys welcomed him in to their world.

      It’s the best story of the week, thank you for turning me on to it.

      B

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      • Oh man it would be horrible if he did. And yes, bottom line is there was no need for threats.

        I love that the kid’s skillz are improving and he makes the track more and more challenging. What a great guy.

        Of course he won’t because you are absolutely right. He feeds off this shit. He does everything in his power to stir up this shit.

        Erudite – to the file. Lovely to see an athlete with good manners and smarts.

        Yes! BRAVO to both sides. Neither one went on a rampage, both were willing to listen to the other. A beautiful story that bears repeating and being talked about over and over – maybe some of the less rookie cops can take note…

        So glad I did.

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  5. Favorite line… taking the prize as biggest asshole of the week. I’m stealing that, having banners made up like on the Miss America contest.

    That last piece made me sigh. Felt for the cop, felt for you resonating all over this land.

    If I had a hammer
    I’d hammer in the morning
    I’d hammer in the evening
    All over this land
    I’d hammer out danger
    I’d hammer out a warning
    I’d hammer out love between
    My brothers and my sisters, ah-ah
    All over this land….sigh

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  6. So, first of all, the kid on his bike and the race track the guy drew on his driveway, continuing to make it better and better. That right there is humanity in a nutshell. I saw that video earlier in the week and it’s one of those things I could watch over and over and over again.

    And then you’ve got Tom Seaver, who was probably one of the best men to put on a baseball uniform. (But I hate to say it, at least as far as we know.) But he always seemed, both on and off the field, to be filled with grace and … yes, humanity.

    And finally, you’ve got the story about the cop and the barbershop and Jerome Bettis. And once again, what you’ve got here is humanity. Humans being honest and kind and trusting and not shutting down based on biases and crap.

    Humanity. What a concept!

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  11. Gotta admit that I probably would not have created a racetrack for the little guy. My driveway has a decent slope to it and I’m always worried these crazy bike kids will crash on the hill. Don’t need the aggravation of a potential lawsuit when they get injured. *sigh

    Have to admit, I get choked up hearing of Tom Seaver’s passing. A classy guy if there ever was one. They don’t make ’em like that anymore. I always had a soft spot in my heart for the Miracle Mets.

    Happy Labor Day weekend!

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  13. Heroes is always a fab article. Love the cop at the barber shop story and the driveway racetrack tale.
    Thank you!
    Also, it’s good to know who the shitheads are. Thank you for that, too!

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  14. Ok – so much to enjoy but the Dave Phoxe gets my top vote – dang! We need more neighbors like this
    Sure – fences can have their place – but other times – let’s share and let’s invest in the lives of children –

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