The Trump Interview

How Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago Shaped His Presidency |

Trump greets me at the entrance of his Mar-a-Lago estate and I am ushered inside by his staff- the men wear black suits, the ladies dress in earth tone ensembles. The main lobby resembles a Byzantine High Limit Room.

To my surprise, the typical bluster of the former GOP ringleader is nowhere to be found as we walk the halls of the fifty-eight bedroom castle in silence. And then I realize it’s because he’s scarfing down Chicken McNuggets® from his suit pocket. After which he shows me his 1927 Steinway Baby Grand Piano that he bought on Amazon.

We arrive at his home office on the second story and he dashes behind his desk to minimize the Pornhub screen on his fifty inch computer monitor. Inside this moment, I say a prayer of thanks that Trump frowns on hand shaking. It saves me from having to amputate my hand with a hacksaw, which I’m pretty sure I ain’t covered for.

My goal is to dispense with small talk, and then I remember who I’m interviewing . . .

I must admit, you’ve been true to your Made in American campaign promise. When it comes to fundamentalism, we no longer worry about other countries wreaking havoc on American soil. 

Trump: Thank you.

When it comes to terrorism, we do it ourselves now. 

Trump: Absolutely. And I’m very proud of that fact.

You’re proud of that?

Trump: I’m not sure what the question is, but I can answer it. When I say I’m proud of America and I want us to be first, I’m not criticizing other countries. The media says I’m bashing them but I’m not. All I’m saying is we’re better, significantly better than any other country in the world and that’s a fact. America has been the greatest country in the world since the time of Jesus and if he was alive he would tell you the truth. All the other countries are losers.

How is that not a harsh criticism of other countries? 

Trump: Truth can’t be criticism. Einstein said that. You know, I have people come up to me all the time and tell me, if they made a computer simulated country, the perfect country . . better than any country ever, we would still kick its ass. That wasn’t the case before I took office, but it is now.

What do you think will be your lasting legacy? 

Trump: Greatest President ever. Which, I have news for you, it’s already the case. Newsmax ran a poll and I got ninety one percent of the vote. Lincoln got like, I don’t know, twenty eight and George Washington got seventeen I think.

Your math is remarkable. 

Trump: I’ve always had a thing for numbers. It’s one of my many talents.

Can you tell me a weakness? 

Trump: My weakness is that I’m so good at everything, people are jealous.

When the next Presidential election rolls around, you will be seventy eight years old. Would you consider another run for President at that time? 

Trump: I will run again. I just had a physical and my doctor told me I have the mind of an eight year old. So age doesn’t affect me the way it might affect other people. Plus, the country needs me.

Lemme guess. People come up to you all the time and tell you so. 

Trump: Absolutely, that’s right. They say ‘You did things in your Presidency that a fictional President wouldn’t have dreamed of doing’.

What will you do in the interim? 

Trump: What is that? Interim? (Laughing) I thought this was an American speaking interview.

What will you do with your time until the next election rolls around. 

Trump: Well I have my businesses to run of course. I left them in very capable hands, but their hands were not as big as mine so I’ll get back to that. I might write another book. And I’ll finally be able to play golf more.

As opposed to every day during your Presidency . . . 

Trump: That’s correct.

What about rallies? Are you going to continue to hold rallies? 

Trump: I will be holding rallies across the country. My rallies are attended by so many people, so many great people come to my rallies to hear what I have to say. The media won’t show you how many people came to my rally in Dalton, Georgia but it was in the millions.

Where do you get those numbers?

Trump: My sources tell me there were millions of people who showed up for the rally. Any numbers you hear from the Democrats are false, they’re made up. And the media won’t show you how many people were there because they’re part of the crooked system. Trust me, there were millions of people there.

Why do you think the media is out to get you? 

Trump: Not all of the media is out to get me. There are a couple of networks out there that do excellent reporting like Newsmax and One America News Network. The other guys could learn a lot from watching them, because those outlets love me.

Is that the purpose of a news agency, in your opinion? To love you?

Trump: The news should always be supportive of the President.

Do you still believe that? 

Trump: Absolutely not.

What would you consider your greatest achievement while in office? 

Trump: Getting a vertical pole installed in the Lincoln bedroom. You wouldn’t believe the zoning issues!

And what might you consider one of your many failures? 

Trump: That I didn’t take Kim Jong-un’s advice on elections.

Thank you for the time. 










91 thoughts on “The Trump Interview

  1. B,

    Oh. Em. Gee! Did you nail this one on the head, or what? You were not kidding when you said this could be taken from a real interview. Of course, no way would it have been so well delivered as you have done here. But boy, I can picture him responding to these exactly as you’ve written it.



    Liked by 2 people

  2. Trust me you did a good job. Those rallies were the and biggest. They rivaled Hitler ‘s. Big enough to tear the Capitol building down. I wish you’d been able to find out where Melania got her “we don’t care “ jacket or better yet when will he be tried for crimes against humanity?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You are the best interviewer, Pilgrim. So many people, I mean a lot of people, have come up to me and told me how good you are. I think hundreds if not thousands of people have told me that. Also, they say you make them laugh. I can vouch for that since I had to laugh as well. You can ask a lot of people how many times I have laughed this year and they’ll tell you not too many times. 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    • I appreciate that, Boss.

      These people come up to me ALL the time. Why they’re coming up to me, I have no blessed idea. But hey . . it still counts I guess.

      And any time I can make you laugh, Imma do just that. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • Of course it counts. All those people know something that maybe others don’t know. A lot of people have heard me say it. They all were around when I said it. Of course, the media would rather do fake news that write down what all those people heard me say.

        Liked by 2 people

          • All fake news. Ask anybody. Everyone knows about the fake news. People come up to me all the time asking if there is anything I can do about the fake news. You know what I tell em? Just don’t listen. Fake news can’t hurt you if you don’t pay attention to it. Someone wanted to write a book about that. I’m always asked by people to write a book. It would be the greatest seller. Millions of my fans would buy it. Then there would be a movie too. I think I would like to see Clint Eastwood play me. It would be stupendous.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Okay, let’s stop then. A lot of people came up to me and asked me to stop. Of course, being one to listen to constructive criticism I made an announcement that we would stop. I instructed the head of Homeland to ensure that we stop. So it’s a simple matter in this wonderful nation to stop. *SLAP. Okay, we are stopped just ask anyone. 😁

            Liked by 1 person

  4. UCH… He’s like a Timex watch commercial from the old days of the new video you posted …Takes a licking but keeps on ticking.
    Terrifying! I have a very, very old Timex in my design kit. It still works.
    Hmm, if I smash that watch to meeces and pieces… would that solve the trump problem?
    Let me know! I am willing to sacrifice whatever I have in my kit… and more.
    Yours truly,

    Liked by 1 person

    • I remember the Timex commercial with the gorilla. I realize that I am really dating myself with that one. But it can probably still be found on YouTube.

      And no, I don’t want you wasting any time on this chump You’ve got beauty to capture.


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