Joe Pesci Reviews Those Who Wish Me Dead

Those Who Wish Me Dead Review: Angelina Jolie's Throwback Action Movie | IndieWire

I was doing a stakeout of Bob Baffert’s place in Boca when Marco interrupted my business with a text. The asshole decided that was a good time to ask me if I wanted to do another movie review. His timing is worse than my first wife, who sent me a fax to tell me she was breaking up with me right before I went on trial in a double homicide case. No . . wait . . that was my first lawyer . . even worse!

So I called Marco and I asked him what movie he wanted me to watch for this oh so important movie review. You know what the ingrate says to me?

“I just watchedΒ Those Who Wish Me DeadΒ and holy shit did it blow! You’ve GOT to review it for the blog!”

The balls on this guy! He wanted me to forget the fact I lost half a million clams because Bob Fucking Baffert decided to treat his horse like it was A-Rod . . . and instead . . watch a movie that is a complete waste of my time. And then he told me Angelina Jolie was in it, and I said okay. It’s probably for the best since that silver haired prick Baffert has better lawyers than I do.

Those Who Wish Me Dead Reviews - Metacritic

Before I get started with this review, you should know I’m scoring it a perfect four out of four stars because Angelina Jolie is in it. And while Marco may be a stuttering prick, he was right about the flick. It really does blow, in spite of Angelina, who should win an Oscar, just for existing.

Those Who Wish Me Dead Is A Straight Shot of Adrenaline

For Those Who Wish Me DeadΒ is a movie title I can totally relate to, so points for that.

Okay, so in the first scene, Aiden Gillen and his associate pose as fire inspectors. When the lady of the house answers the door, they ask if her husband is home. When she says yes, they tell her that the house may have a gas leak and they ask if they can check it out. It’s the oldest trick in the book, and it works like a charm, every time. Trust me on that.

So once dat guy is outta da picture, we learn there is another guy who needs to be quieted because of some top secret shit. This fellow is what they call a forensic accountant, which in laymen’s terms means bad news for guys like us. He knows they’re after him so he skips town but of course they find him, but his kid gets away.

Those Who Wish Me Dead Movie: Showtimes, Review, Songs, Trailer, Posters, News & Videos | eTimes

That’s when we get to meet Angelina, who plays a smoke jumper named Hannah Faber in this buttfuck of a town in Montana. I was familiar with the term- smoke jumper-but my definition is much different and since Angelina is supposed to be one, I’m gonna stick with my definition. Anyway, Hannah has a lot of guilt because she fucked up and and some kids died in a wildfire because of it. So she drinks whiskey and jumps out of flat bed trucks for fun in order to bury the pain. I really love that.

How to Watch Angelina Jolie's 'Those Who Wish Me Dead' | Entertainment Tonight

Jon Bernthal plays a Sheriff who basically just takes scenes away from Angelina, because his wife actually inflicts more damage on the two villains than he does. Fucking Sheriffs, it’s always the same thing with those guys!

So this kid who just lost his father runs into Hannah in the forest and holy fucking shit if that isn’t every twelve-year old boy’s wildest dream! I mean, if my old man woulda had to get offed for me to meet up with Angelina in the woods? I’m sorry Pop, but I ain’t gonna be twelve forever, yanno?

The ending is predictable shit. The bad guys get killed, the good guys win and Angelina is the only reason this movie wasn’t a complete waste of time.

Oh yeah . . I’m supposed to tell you there are spoilers in this post.

Da End

 

83 thoughts on “Joe Pesci Reviews Those Who Wish Me Dead

  1. Joe,

    He’s such a pain in the ass with you, that one, isn’t he? Just when you think he’s retired you, he calls you back in.

    I can’t say I’m complaining, because reading your commentary is entertaining as fuck so I’ll keep encouraging him to call you up. Yanno, you were supposed to review another movie but it was so forgettable, we forgot what it was.

    Yanno, Imma chick but I still dig on Angelina so I get it. Jon Bernthal was a bit of a prick in Walking Dead so yeah, whatevs.

    So, you’re saying to not watch this unless you just wanna watch Angie? Did I get that right?

    Thanks for saving me from wasting a coupla hours in an evening.

    You’re awright, Joe,

    Canadian Chick

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Interesting review.
    I’ll watch it when it comes on the free movies channel… about 1 year.

    Angelina is fab.

    OH did I mention (humbly) that one of my first Costume Design jobs in film was a cable tv movie her father starred in? Yes, Jon Voight, and I had to dress him. He was wonderful to me. Anaconda was just out, and getting A+ reviews.
    He told me he came out of retirement to help promote his kids who were entering the industry.
    Sure enough, soon after Jon was on all of the late night shows promoting Angelina and her bro.

    I have the best anecdote about him… when he went for dinner at the White House. There are other anecdotes, but this one takes the cake.
    I’ll spare you, unless you want to hear the tale.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re like me, I watch movies that I want to watch, reviews be damned.

      You never mentioned that. So cool, to get to work with him. And the reason he came out of retirement? I never knew that.

      Oh Resa, you KNOW I want to know the rest of this story now.

      Liked by 2 people

      • OK
        JV had a fitting issue, and suit jackets are important to fit perfect.
        JV’s figure has this thing, where the back neck of suits make a crease across the back of the shoulders. It’s not uncommon.
        My seamstress/tailor (Mari) worked magic and got rid of that crease in all of his jackets, but one. It was his tuxedo. It made her nuts.
        He was okay with that, because he was aware of his fitting problem. He used a formal scarf over the tux to hide the issue. (I have pics) He used this technique in β€œSeinfeld”.
        One day, he came to me and asked if he could borrow his Tuxedo to attend a dinner at the White House. I was like OH YES!
        He was leaving on Friday night, after wrap. He would be gone all weekend, and would return the Tux first thing Monday morning. (It was still in continuity) I told my assistants to bag his tux with: cummerbund, formal shirt, cuff links, studs, bow tie, shoes, lint roller and any other accoutrements.
        My first came to me and said, β€œthe Tux is not here.”
        I had a sinking feeling. I called Mari. She said she had the Tux. She had taken it home to fix the shoulder issue.
        I did NOT ask her to do that. My Assistant Designer went to Mari’s.
        Short story; my assistant was in the street screaming β€œif you don’t give me the jacket, I’m calling the police!”
        Mari gave in and threw the jacket from her door into the street.
        We had moments to get the Tux into the garment bag. We quickly steamed it and packaged it with all else. JV was on his way to the airport.
        I was pissed! I called Mari, whereupon she informed me that she had taken the jacket (without my knowledge or approval) to get rid of the crease. She also told me that she had intended to do this by firming the back neck, with hymo.
        HELLO! Hymo is used in the collar and lapel. What was she thinking? She also told me that this hymo (clothing cardboard), was hanging in the back of the jacket with 2 thread tacks. Also, that the hem of the lining was still open, in order to accommodate this procedure.
        I had visions of good ol’ boy back slapping, the hymo falling out and landing on the White House floor.
        I did not sleep all weekend.
        Monday morning, Jon returned the Tux. Sure enough, the lining was open. I shook the jacket. The hymo fell to the floor of the wardrobe truck.
        I had a horseshoe up my asp on that movie!

        Liked by 3 people

        • That is HILARIOUS!

          I can see this whole story unfolding, and you not sleeping while all kinds of scenarios run through your head.

          Alls well that ends well though huh?

          Thank you for that story, I love it!

          Liked by 2 people

          • What a life you’ve led Resa.

            And hey, why apologize for the road Trump decided to take? Yanno, once upon a time when he talked about running, he imagined Oprah would be his running mate. There was actually a time when a Trump run for presidency didn’t sound batshit crazy. But he took a different road and thank God we’re past that now.

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Yo, Joe, I mean, Mr. Pesci: I saw this movie and your review hit the nail on the head. Which if you recall your fine work in Lethal Weapon, you’ll recall the nail gun scene, so yanno what I’m talkin’ aboud!y gripe is she never gets nekkid in did movie, even a little bit, so what’s da point?

    Anyhow’s, sorry for your loss with that horse shit. See what I did there?! Bada bing Bada boom! Which you know would be a fucking tragedy if sumpin’ like dat happened to dat Bennett guy — accidentally, of course. Gas problems happen, just like dat bomb of a movie.

    I still need to get on the Internet films or whatever the fuck it’s called to see you in The Irishman but man, four hours is a god damned long time. I know Marty Scorcese is a genius and all, but can you tell em dat brevity is the soul of wit, already?

    Speaking of which, I’ll say goodbye. Despite your alleged issues wid da cops, to me you’ll always be one of da good fellas!

    P.S. Can you float me 10 large? Rent here is outrageous. Someone should come to Austin and whack dese fucking slumlords (upside da head, I mean, of course).

    P.P.S. Have a fucking great day, JP! Do more reviews soon, kay?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that nail gun scene. I was the one who suggested it yanno.

      And I respect Angelina for that, as much as I am left to use my imagination. I’ll be alright.

      Yeah, it would be a REAL shame if someone were to happen to Bob. I mean, there are just so many freak accidents you read about . . .

      Marty doesn’t listen to nobody. He drinks his vino, special selection . . he comes out to direct the scenes and then he’s gone. And yeah, it’s a long movie . . just imagine having ta act in it!

      Cops? I love cops! πŸ˜‰

      10 large with interest. Don’t make me come after ya, specially since I like ya.

      You better believe it!

      Like

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