I have a friend I’ve mentioned a time or two here on the blog. Imma call him Barry since that’s his name. We’re only friends because it’s damn near impossible to be anything else when it comes to this guy. His personality is why the word Affable owns a sweet parking space in Merriam-Webster. If he had a superpower, it would be his innate ability to make friends with anyone . . instantly.
I can’t relate to this, seeing as how I have mastered the art of irascibility for good reason. My social contract doesn’t include butterflies. Barry is different. He is chatty. He loves group texts, poker games with his pals, Facebook and parties. The more makes him all the merrier, and while I think that kind of mindset is fucking lunacy, it seems to work for him.
Love things are his kryptonite. Because the love thing can be quite volatile, unpredictable and at times, even flammable. This is antonymous to Barry’s yen for Zen, in which sunflowers and sunny skies are the standard expectation.
So it was that his last serious tango proved to be the kind of involvement that usually spans several Presidents, costs trillions of dollars and results in far too many casualties. The only difference being, there ain’t no production companies looking to buy the movie rights to the minutes of Barry’s theater of war.
Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it
Barry could do with some Churchill right about now, because he’s currently entertaining . . you guessed it . . a new love thing. I’ll call her Bette Davis since that is most certainly not her name. And while I don’t know her in the least, I know Barry well enough to tally a half dozen reasons why he is asking for trouble. Again.
Want me to list ’em? N’kay . . .
1- She bears a striking resemblance to Vietnam. I mean, his previous love gone wrong. I mean, Vietnam: If the new girlfriend takes note of the striking resemblance, questions will be asked. And if the old girlfriend takes note? Questions will be asked. In either/or case, many questions. Not a single correct answer.
2- She is already talking about moving in together: That’s right. He hasn’t even driven his car into her lot yet. But it’s okay because she is talking it up as a roommate thing where they can share expenses. And I’m sure they will draw up papers, have them notarized and co-exist wonderfully in a platonic relationship.
3- “She’s a drinker”: His words, not mine. But if you’re asking me to wager a guesstimate as to how long the relationship will remain platonic based on this testimony? Imma go with moving day.
Okay, that’s enough. Shit, this doesn’t even involve me and I’m already exhausted.
I told Barry he should put the “Roommates With Benefits” talk on ice before things get out of hand. Which means he’s probably already looking into how to break his lease. Because he’s a social butterfly who probably never saw Silence Of The Lambs. Otherwise he’d know what to expect . . .