Joe And Marco At The Movies!

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) - IMDb

Marco: Welcome to yet another first here at Sorryless, as yours truly will sit on the aisle with the inimitable Joe Pesci to review the sequel to The Conjuring. It is the third movie in the series and the eighth movie in the Conjuring Universe. This sequel follows real life demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren’s involvement in a historic 1981 murder trial in which demonic possession was used as a defense . .

Joe: Wait one fucking minute! Those people was real? And they really used that defense in a murder trial?

Marco: Yeah pal, it was true life shit, I told you that while we were watching it, but you were too busy lip-schtupping that bottle of Chivas to listen. And hey . . before we go any further, let’s make sure to let our readers know this post contains spoilers.

Joe: A-fucking-gain with the spoilers, you stuttering prick? What is with the bug up your ass when it comes to spoilers? They KNOW we’re reviewing the movie! Whaddaya think they’re coming here to read about the World Cup? 

Marco: It’s just a courtesy, Joe.

Joe: Yeah, like da mints they leave in a bowl when you go up to pay your bill at a restaurant. And you know what that courtesy is full of? Shit. Literally, they did a study on it.

Marco: Thanks Dr. Fauci. So yes, in answer to your question, the Warrens were consultants in a murder investigation that took place in Connecticut.  They claimed that Arne Johnson was possessed by a demon when he stabbed his landlord twenty-two times.

Joe: Where . . . da fuck were the Warrens when I was on trial for allegedly murdering Jimmy “Nine Toes” Benedetti?

Marco: Refresh my memory on that one.

Joe: The prosecution claimed that I shot Jimmy thirty-five times. But they didn’t have a case!

Marco: Why’s that Joe?

Joe: Well, the alleged witness who saw me going in Jimmy’s place . . disappeared. And the other alleged witness who saw me leaving Jimmy’s place . . disappeared. And the other alleged witness who heard gunshots . .

Marco: Lemme guess, disappeared?

Joe: Bingo! No case. But it took a couple months to come to dat conclusion. I coulda used the demonic possession defense and been out in time for Christmas!

Marco: But you didn’t shoot Jimmy, right?

Joe: (Winking) Of course not. 

Marco: Before this movie review leads to a criminal investigation, why don’t you give my peeps a synopsis of the movie?

Joe: If by synopsis you mean why don’t I talk about the movie, sure. Whoa! What a novel fucking concept, you mope! And do me a favah, will ya? Stop with da French . . just ask me in plain English?

Marco: Actually, the origin of synopsis is Greek . .

Joe: I never heard Jimmy the Greek use that fucking word so shut the fuck up. Anyways, about this movie. It begins at this little kid’s birthday party where things get outta hand . . .

Marco: Joe, it wasn’t a birthday party, it was an exorcism.

Joe: What da fuck does it matter what it was? The family was a bunch of wackadoos and the kid was having a temper tantrum is all.

Marco: The Warrens were trying to exorcise the demon and Arne called for it to enter his body.

Joe: Oh, you mean da guy with that nut-job defense. Yeah . . yeah, I remember now. So this guy ends up stabbing his landlord. Oh . . sorry. .  the devil ends up stabbing his landlord twenty-two times. Holy shit, talk about being under the influence! So then the Warrens go to Massachusetts because there’s this chick that was also stabbed twenty-two times.

Marco: They believed it was a curse passed on through a witch’s totem, and they meet with a priest who had dealings with a satanic cult. It was their belief the curse was passed to the kid and then to Arne.

Joe: (Making a lewd gesture with his right hand) Rich white people will do anything to get outta trouble. So anyways, this Warren chick almost gets killed by her husband, which I thought was pretty realistic. Turns out, this demon gets around.

Marco: I take it you don’t believe in demonic possession?

Joe: Listen pal, the husband can blame it on Nixon for all I care.

Marco: You’re missing the point. The totem held certain powers, which is why they had to take it with them when they visited the altar where the rituals had been performed. They had to get rid of the evil. And that’s where they find the occultist responsible for the death of the young girl from Massachusetts. And that’s why the occultist paid the ultimate vig . . so the demon could move on, through her.

Joe: Is that what all the gymnastics was about? I haven’t seen a body twist and turn like that since I dated a Russian stripper.

Marco: Nonetheless, I found this movie to be utterly predictable. It followed the same tired possession flick formula. Boy meets demon, boy falls for demon . . demon ends up skipping town.

Joe: And the asshole with the possession defense got five years. Which ain’t horrible.

Marco: So . . how did Jimmy “Nine Toes” get his nickname?

Joe: He was a lousy dancer.

60 thoughts on “Joe And Marco At The Movies!

  1. Joe, Marco,

    Lemme tell you, Siskel and Ebert you are NOT! You’re way better! Your repartee is way more fun.

    I realise this was a serious review of a movie – that apparently was shit – but your asides are way better than anything that S&E could ever have produced. Then again, they were on TV and forced to refrain from using day-to-day language.

    And tell me, Marco, didn’t this movie have your babe, Vera, in it? Wasn’t that at least worth it?
    Joe, was there anything you liked about it at all?

    Kid’s birthday party / exorcism – same diff, right? At least I know at any birthday parties I’ve had to throw or participate in, I wished there was some kinda … never mind.

    I know I won’t bother watching this movie, based on your excellent review. I do hope you two partner up again!

    Dale – the Canadian Chick

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hey Canadian Chick!

      I’ll handle this Marco . . don’t want you to hurt yourself pal.

      Hey, tanks! Even though I have no idea who Siskel and Ebert are. Do they do criminal defense trials?

      My language may offend some, this is true. To which I say, fuck ’em.

      Sorry Joe, here’s some Chivas while I reply to this query about Vera. Yes, Vera is dynamite, as per usual. But nothing saves this movie. It’s like when she was in Orphan. Much as I dig her, that flick was the cinematic equivalent of the Titanic. Here’s Joe . . .

      The answer to your question is, I learned a new defense. And that’s it.

      Kid’s birthday parties or an Exorcism? Joe doesn’t know the difference, and I think he speaks for all of us on this count.

      What do you say Joe? Another round sometime?

      What da fuck. Sure!

      Thanks Q

      Yeah, tanks Canadian Chick. And hey, where’s this repartee you’re talking about? At your place? 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • Hey Joe!
        Hey Marco!

        They could be criminal in the way they review movies… but you don’t gotta worry about them. They’re outta business on account they’re both no longer of this world.

        Fuck ’em is right. You be you.

        I feel for you, Marco, when your babe is just not enough to save a flick… at least you got to rinse your eyeballs a bit, no?

        That’s better than nothing, I say.

        Then we all speak the same lingo – kids parties should be banned.

        Yay! Looking forward to youse guys working together again.

        Of course, at my place, Joe… I’ll have some Chivas lined up for ya. You are more than welcome to join, Marco – I’m a welcoming kinda gal – got some Bourbon for you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Q

          Joe had to run out for some more Chivas, but he wants me to tell you he had nothing to do with the fact Siskel and Ebert are no longer in this world. I told him to chill.

          I believe that as well.

          Sad truth. Vera needs to start doing some movies with meat on the ribs. These Conjuring flicks are all the same. But they pay the bills, so there’s that.

          It’s certainly better than 8-0. Yikes.

          I agree with this. Let’s face it, what good comes of getting a bunch of kids together and giving them copious amounts of sugar. How is that a good idea?

          Me too. Don’t tell Joe.

          Methinks I’ll conveniently forget to give Joe this message . . . 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • B,

            Maybe I should have told him not to worry…

            Of course you do.

            Maybe the poor thing has cast herself in a corner. Then again, as you said, they pay the bills and maybe that’s all she wants.

            Yeah… Yikes is putting it mildly…

            There ain’t no good that comes outta that! Not to mention the mess they generate in their sugar rush.

            I won’t

            I won’t tell him if you don’t… 😉

            Liked by 1 person

          • Joe’s always got one foot out the door while he’s looking over his shoulder. I guess it’s the residual effects of the job.

            Of course.

            I would much rather she do a one woman show, but we dream in technicolor and what does it get us?

            That was so ugly, it MIGHT have counted for two losses. We’ll see tomorrow night.

            Its the dumbest idea. I think birthday parties should go like this. Celebrate the first two because it’s more about the adults than kids. Then the first “Party” with other kids should come at like . . 15?

            Good.

            I ain’t talking.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Don’t think that ever goes away. The minute they relax, they’re done for.

            Right!

            Dreaming is good – maybe not to get some things, but maybe they also inspire…

            That was a very sad state of affairs. Let us hope tomorrow is a new story!

            Totally dumb. Yeah, maybe 15-16 – in a restricted space because at that age, they raise a whole different kind of hell!.

            Perfect.

            Me neither.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Joe is living proof. Most wiseguys don’t make it to his age.

            This is true. I should keep a notepad by my night table in the event I wake up and have to write something down.

            Let’s hope. As for tonight. GO HABS!

            Well, at least at that point you can tell their friends to get the hell out. It’s not the same thing when you tell a five year old to get the hell out. Believe me, I know.

            Woot!

            😉

            Liked by 1 person

          • Yeah, that’s true.

            I started doing that very thing… hopefully, I’ll start actually writing in it soon!

            GO HABS GO!!

            Yeah, this is very true. All of it.

            Ya baby!

            😉

            Liked by 1 person

          • Now I’m having trouble remembering my dreams. I am provided with snippets when I awake, but little more. Breadcrumbs do not a story make!

            ONE MORE

            Yesss

            MUAH!

            😉

            Liked by 1 person

          • Dang it! I’ve been trying the technique of telling myself to remember them as I fall asleep… so far, I am now getting snippets… maybe will start getting more? I even put a notepad next to my bed in hopes of remembering to write them down as soon as I awake. Right. Uh huh.

            ONE MORE!!!

            MWAH!

            😉 😉

            Liked by 1 person

          • It’s alright, I don’t think it’s a block so much as a respite. They’ll be back, and I’ll be ready when they get there.

            The notepad is muy importante, and really . . for every part of our day. Because I’ll have a thought in the middle of the day and go “Damn that is a story!” and if I don’t jot it down . . it vanishes.

            The Habs are playing like Ali right now. Dancing like a butterfly and stinging like a bee.

            MUAH!

            😘

            Liked by 1 person

          • I hear ya. Like many things, they come in waves.

            It is. As writers, should we not always have one at the ready? I prefer old school to tapping it out on the phone but if needs be, will do so.

            They are! They are on FIAH!! 🔥

            MWAH!

            😘

            Liked by 1 person

          • They do!

            I am horrible with texting, so I try and always jot things down when I can. If need be, and only need be because I got nothing else, the phone has to work.

            Hey? What about Pacino as a movie reviewer?

            MUAH!

            😘

            Liked by 1 person

          • You know, worse comes to worse, when you have an idea, you can dictate your note 😉

            Oh… that could be very interesting!! Young or old Pacino? Coz yanno… the voice changed 😀 I need to know which voice I hear when I read!!

            MWAH!

            😘

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Two words: Vera f*$%ing Farmiga! You’re right, she probably does need to buy stuff for her goat farm. Which is ironic because this sounds like quite the opposite of a goat type movie. This pabulum is just sitting there on my HBO, beckoning. But I haven’t seen any of them, so if you and Joe say it ain’t good, guess I’ll fuggehdaboud it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. But maybe I will. Because,.V(F)F. But reading her Wikipedia she’s been in a lot of stuff that sounds better, indies and such. Or she directed.

    Please remind me that you saw Bates Motel in it’s totality. Right?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joe is in Boca Raton catching up on some business. And uh . . you didn’t hear that from me.

      LOL, that’s the perfect analogy. I would love to ask some of my favorite politicians (sic) some questions. And yes, Joe has a focus AND when he evades a question, he makes it entertaining, unlike those politicians.

      Watching a movie with Joe is like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the little boy holds his family hostage with his mind. Add alcohol to suit . . .

      Like

  4. Hahhaha!
    Thanks, I will not be watching & following this totem toting adventure into the shallows of hell.
    Cripes, when I saw the Exorcist, and Linda’s head started spinning and spewing, I burst out laughing.
    Hey did you hear about the exorcism at a Home Depot in Pennsylvania? https://nypost.com/2021/06/24/police-stop-exorcism-in-home-depot-lumber-aisle/
    Not the funniest write up, but one where you don’t have to be a subscriber to read it.

    Liked by 1 person

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