I Think, Therefore I’m Medicated

Fidel Castro | Biography, Cause of Death, Brother, & Facts | Britannica

I was reading an article about all the bat-shit crazy conspiracy theories that have loosed themselves upon social media since the winter of last year. Yes it’s true, not even a global pandemic with casualty rates in the millions can keep the crazies from their appointed rounds.

Of course, I’m one to talk. Some of the thoughts that float through my head would have Elwood P. Dowd going Bra, you need to check your shit! And since I’m all about transparency, lemme ‘splain.

There was a period of time in which I would have wagered a year’s worth of pizza money that Fidel Castro died in 2008. This is because I had the strangest dream regarding the (now officially dead) Cuban dictator; it was a dream whose residual effects went all Chernobyl on my brain.

For the sake of shits and giggles, here’s some context . . .

I was visiting Chicago in 2008, which is where the living and the dead merge as a matter of political survival. Add to this, it was a national election year and promises of an ideological sea change were gripping the nation, and I just so happened to be in the epicenter of its wake, with Obama sweeping in and out of town as if he was the starting center for the Bulls. Oh yeah, I was also self medicating with an 80 proof IV drip. Copiously.

As far as that dream about Castro? Welp, in the dream I received an anonymous call informing me that Castro had died in New York City while attending the Letterman show. I was told to keep the news to myself since the US was planning an invasion of the island led by . . get this, Neil Young. Regrettably (or is that thankfully?) I don’t remember anything else.

My problema began when I fused this dream state with reality. I truly came to believe that Fidel Castro was dead. I went so far as to share this belief with other people, and believe me, I paid for it.

Turns out, my republic is fairly bananas, seeing as how this momentary lapse of reason ain’t so momentary when it comes to the thoughts that ride the local through my brain. A few por ejemplos? Como no . . .

  • I never order milk when I go out. The reason being, the idea of spittle making its way into my glass of milk is painfully repulsive to my senses. Somehow, ice cream is spared the same restriction since I deem it to be more robust, and thus, able to withstand stray spittle.
  • When the driver in front of me is going really slow, I wait till the last minute before putting on my turn signal in order to throw them off. Yanno, in the event they are trying to slow me down in perpetuity?
  • Every time I choose a horror movie on Prime, I swear it’s going to be a cult classic and not a high school art film. I am always wrong.
  • When I go near the edge of a building, I have the overwhelming urge to jump. Which is why I don’t go near the edge of a building.
  • Why do I feel like I’ll go to hell if I ever eat a Pepperidge Farm cake? It’s the icing . . it’s gotta be the icing.
  • Applebee’s is always finding new ways to annoy the hell out of me. So much so that I almost wish they could be charged with crimes against humanity.
  • Never keep a butcher knife in the dish rack overnight. It gives an intruder an unfair advantage.

I could go on (and on) but I fear this post would turn into a Castro-esque rendition of attrition by subtraction that would put the space-time continuum to sleep. While it may be physically impossible to do so, I’m sure anyone who witnessed Castro’s four hour and twenty-nine minute speech at the UN in 1960 truly believed time was standing still.

Now that is crazy.

35 thoughts on “I Think, Therefore I’m Medicated

  1. Tour de Force, my man. You manage to drag me along when you start wading through the elements of crazy. I love it, of course, cause I like you stay away from the edges of buildings. I remember a bunch of us, while in college (1962), we were in Ft Lauderdale drinking way too much and started asking the question, “So how far is Cuba from here.” Before I knew what was happening, we were getting ready to cast off in a cabin cruiser. Lucky we all passed out before getting underway. The next morning the idea had attracted flies, and we chased another shiny idea. Super post, Pilgrim.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That IS a kickass term! I never even thought to look it up, but now that I know . . I just cannot unknow it! There’s a post in there somewhere, I just know it.

      Thank you muchly Stuart


  2. I’m so glad Stuart explained that! It must be sort of universal. Now your others crazy thoughts? Not going there! My husband used to think things that happened in his dreams were real – since a lot of them were supposedly things that I had done it really bugged the shit out of me. Now I just let him say weird stuff and I keep rolling like I never heard a thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. B,

    I think I like John’s comment as much as this post! I love that you have the cojones (or, as John says, willingness to wade through the elements of crazy) to share these thoughts with us.

    And yanno, it’s wild when you dream something that could actually be real, no? I’m cutting you some slack on this one.

    There is a serious pull when standing on the edge of a building. I feel it. But I’ll still stand on it 😉 “Callo of the Void” is the perfect term, isn’t it?

    Can you order anything else and not worry? Say a Coke? A coffee? It’s funny that milk give you the heebie jeebies – but some things just can’t be explained.

    I can’t disagree with some of your, er, ejemplos 😉

    Probably was best to quit – for now… leave some for another post, eh? 😉

    Of course, perfect choice of song!


    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      Look at that, John swooping in for the win on MY post!

      Welp, these are the tame thoughts. So there is that. 😉

      It’s a thing, same as not wanting to go near the edge of a building. When you dream something and it feels so real, you have this idea in your mind that SOMETHING must have really happened. Even if you can’t prove it. Even if there is zero validity to it. Even if . . well, you get the point.

      Call of the Void is a perfect modern day book title. An ode to Jack London, if you will.

      Oh that’s easy. Dairy! Coke has carbonation, it kills everything. Coffee, warm, same difference. Water? We have been recycling the same water since the beginning of time so a little spittle ain’t messing with my kittle. But dairy in liquid form, nope.

      Sure you can’t . . .

      I fear what may come of it. Eeesh.

      I love me some Ozzy.



      Liked by 1 person

      • I know, right? It was a good response, you gotta admit 😉

        I’ve zero doubt they are the tame ones 😉

        I actually know what you mean. I have dreamt something (and actually remembered it) and thought it was for real…

        It is very Jack London!

        Interesting. You are so very ineresting.

        For the sake of arguing, I could, of course… which could be fun in itself…

        Then maybe we let those sleeping dogs lie.

        De nada!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I am always afraid that I will wake up with a strong desire to fly. I do not know where from the depth of my mind that comes from and I think I would perhaps prefer not to know.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Okay, spittle is why I will never eat in a restaurant, again. There were many spittle spreading Covid reports.
    Spittle won’t end when the pandemic does. I am nauseated beyond belief.
    I cook my own food.
    Fortunately, there are only a couple of people who will have me over, and cook for me.
    I’m insisting on large flame b’b’ques. Veggie ques of course.
    I’ll go for a Neil Young lead! Could be a good drawing implement.
    You mean….Appledon’ts?
    I’d never jump. I’d just get dizzy and fall.
    So, fab post! I think we understand each other.
    Crazy Train, indeed!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh . . I like eating in for a reason. And that’s before I was aware of the reports.

      Large flame grills . . . that should be for every meal now that I’m thinking about it. I mean, why not?

      You pick the song he storms the beaches to, Resa.

      Thank you! Appledon’ts? Buahahaha! Can I borrow that?

      So I take it you don’t do hot air balloons?

      Oh we get each other, and thank you Resa, for always making me think and laugh.


  6. Unlike you and some of the people who commented here, most of the thoughts that ride the local through your brain take the express only through my dreams even when I’m not medicated! That can still make them scary and sweat-inducing even if only for the few minutes I have them before waking up.

    A dream interpretation class I took was based around what seems to be the current prevailing theory applied to analyzing dreams Per Wikipedia that is the majority of dreams seem in some way to reflect things that have preoccupied our minds during the previous day or two.

    What’s even scarier is that, per one source, people may assign more meaning to dreams than to similar waking thoughts and are more likely to view dreams confirming their waking beliefs and desires to be more meaningful than dreams that contradict their waking beliefs and desires.

    Either way dream analysis is a lot like astrology. You can choose to believe that what they may be trying to tell you is true and accurate, or not. Depends on the day of the week or the level of your current mental health or medicated state.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Okay, please don’t think me batshit crazy for sharing this, but it’s a microcosm of yours truly.

      I had a dream recently which had a found footage quality to it. There were two main characters in this dream and the one had what looked like a prosthetic arm. Upon further inspection, it was a weapon, complete with a cork screw for a hand. He used the cork screw to blind the other character and in the dream I’m thinking . . . that would be an interesting story kill. W.T.F?

      Anyways, I blame it on watching a Rob Zombie movie before bed.

      Liked by 1 person

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