Play It Again Spam (Case File # Mucho)

 

Good day,

I am Stephen Li, a project facilitator working and funding projects with numerous investors worldwide. I would like to know if you have any project(s) that requires funding. We are ready to fund Such projects or businesses. We also offer business loan, personal and home loans to finance new projects as well as expansion capital. Kindly get back to me with your project(s) brief so I can share full details with you.

Thank you!

Sincerely,

Stephen Li

Good day back atcha,

I really can’t thank you enough for reaching out to me with this amazing business opportunity. It saved me from having to borrow seed money from my Uncle Sal, who can be a little heavy handed when it comes to loans. He wanted twenty-five percent on a $20,000 loan, in thirty days! The SOB wanted Beverly D’Angelo’s number too, which I haven’t had since she used me for a rebound weekend in 2005.

As far as projects are concerned, I have a few ideas I’m cooking up that could use a generous slice of butter.

M. Night At The Movies Generator: This app utilizes all of Night’s feature-length films in order to create a generator that compares them with a new release. Upon the debut, the script for the new movie is downloaded to our cloud, after which it undergoes a rigorous comparative analysis. This process will remove the guesswork, letting movie goers know in advance whether M. Night’s latest is more “Lady in the Water” or “Sixth Sense”.

Oreo Flavored Chocolate Milk- When you’re on the go and don’t have the time to sit down for milk and cookies.

Weight Loss Supplements-Β Hey, everybody else is putting one out. And the best part is, it doesn’t even have to work for us to make bank!

Let’s Bring Professional Baseball Back To Baltimore!-Β I don’t know how much cabbage you’re looking to boil, but if you’ve got the wherewithal and a few wealthy pals, we can make this dream happen for the great fans of Charm City . . . even if that’s a secondary consideration. Hey, it’s not our fault that most young people in the region haven’t a blessed clue that Camden Yards is a baseball stadium. So let’s do what any megalomaniacal rich guy would do in this situation: Let’s bring another team into the equation, thereby convoluting the market with not one, but two teams that can’t compete. And it won’t matter a fig because in five or six years, what with the average return on investment being what it is in the MLB, we’ll be doubling our money at the very least. Then we sell to some other megalomaniacal rich guy who wants to move our team to somewhere the fuck else. It’s the new national pastime!

Two words: Edible Tofu

That’s all I got for now, but I’d be willing to talk jerky if you’re serious about the salt mines you have at your disposal. Until such time, I’m trusting that you won’t bogart any of these ideas for yourself. I was raised to trust the internet and all the many strangers who come courting on the thing, so don’t break my heart unless you really can’t help it.

Sincerely,

Billy Ray Valentine

 

 

 

 

 

 

35 thoughts on “Play It Again Spam (Case File # Mucho)

  1. B

    ‘Splain to me how you get all the great opportunities… Huh? How come you? What do you have that I don’t? No. Don’t even attempt to answer that one!

    I’m with Eilene… putting all those fabulous ides out there you’re gonna end up the bridesmaid and not the bride. You’ll be that guy who had a great idea but decided NOT to patent it and not a week later, there it is… someone making the big bucks on YOUR idea. And asking Mr. Li to NOT bogart, well… you, my man, are basically fucked.

    Cabbage to boil… wherever do you come up with these great expressions?

    But if you do figure out how to make edible tofu – I’d be in… with all those wacko vegans out there, we are sure to make bank.

    Excellent tune, as per.

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alrighty! That Buttercup song is pretty groovy!
    “cabbage you’re looking to boil,” now that could stink… after a bit. Of course if you’re boiling for Cabbage Rolls, it will all pay off in the future!
    So… Edible Tofu! Wish I was rich! I’d Cabbage Roll you on that one!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.