Annoyances Post #2,632

I was chatting up irksome things with a fellow blogger this morning, and it inspired me to revisit the ‘Annoyances’ posts I used to do back on my drinking blog. So this evening, I came up with a plan of action. Sit down and set the timer for a couple minutes whilst listing some of the things that annoy me.

Back in the day, (a couple years ago, on my drinking blog) I would’ve supplemented my vitriolic acid with alcohol, nicotine and Oxy.  Sadly, this post was written with nary a performance enhancing drug involved. I seriously miss just how much fun I used to be. And so what if it was eighty proofed with a hallucinogenic chaser and nicotine cherry on top? It still fucking counts.

(Editor’s Note: I went back after my couple minutes was up and added some thoughts to the annoyances that supply a particular curse word or several whenever they come to mind. Because not all annoyances are created equal.)

So without further adieu, I give you some annoyances fresh off the top of my head. With no chemically enhanced originality to flavor things up. And, umm . .you’re welcome?

  • White guys who say “My bad” . . . and mean it.
  • Nicholas Sparks
  • The Rolling Stones insane popularity
  • March Madness– The analysts are glorified used car salesmen, the coaches are made men and the best talent goes right to the NBA. It’s a dirty sport . . without the fun. It’s a slap in the face to organized crime is what it is.
  • Kristen Bell
  • Cart Attendants
  • Applebee’s
  • Vaping
  • Sporks
  • BBQ debates– KC says they have the best BBQ while Carolina (pick one) says they have the best BBQ. And I don’t like BBQ. So whatever.
  • Sequins
  • Mullets
  • Apple
  • Red Sox fans– Hey peeps, you have four World Series titles in the last fifteen years and you’re still 18 behind the Yankees. The team has a nice core which can possibly win a couple more in the next decade. But the Yankees will match that. Which means your stinking Sawx will still be looking up at the Yankees a century from now. Slow your roll.
  • Nipple rings
  • People who say “Must be nice . . .”
  • Guy Fieri
  • People who rant on social media while sitting in their car
  • NA Beer
  • MTV
  • Forrest Gump
  • Jenny from Forrest Gump– It figures that in one of the most overrated movies of a generation, Gump has the worst girlfriend. Ever.
  • Assholes who rev their engines at traffic lights
  • Peloton People
  • Commercials
  • Stairway to Heaven
  • Match Box collectors
  • Panera Bread acting like it’s God’s gift to food
  • Extreme Couponers
  • Public Restrooms
  • Painfully specific Starbucks orders
  • People who say LOL
  • The wanton use of the word Amazing
  • Cupcake Wars- This show is subsidized by the Department of Defense in an attempt to subvert the term ‘war’. Thereby making it not only more psychologically acceptable, but downright fucking tasty. And if you consider my opinion to be ridiculous, it ain’t any more ridiculous than a show called cupcake wars.
  • McCafe
  • Jeannine Pirro
  • People who give you dirty looks when you walk in a bar, as if you just walked into their living room
  • Running into an ex
  • The sound of tapping on a keyboard in a movie or TV show
  • Baseball caps with a flat bill

I’m not gonna lie, I could have done this all day long. More than ninety percent of the shit I come across on a daily basis is either irksome or downright fucking annoying to me. I have to believe it’s not healthy to be annoyed by so many things so much of the time.

I guess that’s what therapy is for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dragons, Whiners and ‘Zombie’ Flicks

Divisional Round - Boston Red Sox v New York Yankees - Game Four

Well . . . fuuuuccckkk! 

It appears Babe Ruth hit the snooze again . . lazy bastid. We are officially living in the radioactive new age of baseball where the Sawx are the dragon in this ancient battle of Sawx vs. Pinstripes. And while I cannot bring myself to root for the Sox, I can and do wish them well. I’ll be an anomaly as far as baseball fans go, seeing as how I will tune in to Astros vs. Red Sox whereas most Yankees fans are making lateral moves into other sports now.

Speaking of . . .

  • The Astros were pissed, and rightly so, that the Yankees and Red Sox remain prime time darlings while they battle it out before dinner time. Houston is the champion, and they deserved better. Unfortunately, ratings prevail over all else . . even great teams.

Speaking of . . .

  • Ratings . . Regular season NFL games crush MLB playoff games, and I’m not sure what can be done. Baseball has become the new hockey, strictly a niche sport whose regional sectarianism should concern the hell out of Rob Manfred.

Dolphins Meme

Speaking of . . .

  • Concerning? How’s about my Dolphins fucking up a 3-0 start to the season with two comedic performances? They had no business being on the field in New England a couple weeks ago, because they did the worst thing a team can do. They quit.

Speaking of . . .

  • The business of football is supposedly what’s keeping Colin Kaepernick from getting signed, maybe ever. The Dolphins had their chance last year and instead they gave Jay Cutler a ten million dollar retirement gift to spend the fall in Miami. Never mind that the dude was retired, or that he had checked out long ago. Never mind that, if there was something left in Kaepernick’s tank, Adam Gase might’ve found it. Nope. Our owner Stephen Ross didn’t want to piss off the Cuban contingent of his home town by signing Kaep. So instead, he pisses off the rest of the fan base because it’s painfully evident he has no clue. My team has one playoff win and one division title in the last twenty years, and the immediate future looks every bit as bleak. You can cut players and fire coaches, but none of it means a thing if the owner ain’t doing the job.

Speaking of . . .

  • It seems as if the NFL is currently divided into dudes who do their jobs, and whiners. For every Pat Mahomes, there is an Odell Beckham Jr. OBJ is being paid like a franchise cornerstone while behaving like a damn fool. Dudes like him and Antonio Brown of the Steelers talk as if they’ve actually won something. And every time they open their mouths, they’re whining about the horrors of having to be accountable for their actions. Poor. Babies.

Crybabies

Speaking of . . .

  • Horrors . . . I’m about done with all the shade being thrown at Rob Zombie these days. Hey, I’m uber excited to see Danny McBride’s vision of Halloween, and I give him props for wiping the slate clean and being true to the original. However . . Zombie’s Halloween was a brilliant rendition and John Carpenter didn’t have to give it his blessing for me to love it the way I do. It’s all cool.

Speaking of . . .

  • I didn’t think it cool that SNL had a skit running hard within the same week of Kavanaugh’s endless rant. Matt Damon was spot on, but the timing rubbed me the wrong way. Probably because we’re talking about a young woman being violated here. Celebrities love to have it both ways. They want to be Alysa Milano serious and Matt Damon funny when it’s only the former we should be focusing on.

Well, that’s about it for this time. If you made it through to the end of this post, congratulations! You’re three minutes closer to the end of the Trump administration!

Hey . . . it’s something. 

 

 

 

Giving reality a sporting chance

The following is not a sports post, but rather a rant on why sports should never be confused with reality. So if you like sports, read on. And if you really don’t give a shit about sports in the least, by all means leave a comment after you read on.

This isn’t to say that sports doesn’t have its place, because it does. Its just that, we should partake much like we would a really well done cocktail. Enjoy it sensibly, do not overindulge, and never take it too seriously.

A few examples? Why not . . .

Shocking the World- If your co-worker starts blathering on about his need to shock the world, you call security. But athletes do it all the time. With the ever expanding tentacles of social media, it has become the white noise equivalent of a crying baby in a department store. Athletes tend to mistake a few fan bases and media members for the world, when really . . they comprise maybe one tenth of one percent of the world’s population. And I’m being generous. The truth is, the world has much more important shit to attend to. Like death, taxes and who’s gonna win The Voice. 

Child’s Play- These are men playing a children’s game, and that’s a beautiful thing. Except for those times when the men behave like children. Like Russell Westbrook does, lots. Westbrook is the point guard for the Oklahoma City Thunder and he is one of the most dynamic players in the game. when he’s not acting like a first grader. In real life, you get fired for shit like this. In sports, you’re a competitor. I single out this player not because I despise him, but rather, because he is one of the few players in any sport I would pay to see. So when he behaves like a child, it pisses me off. Just play the game, man!

A safe haven for crybabies- In the real world, when you lose . . you just lose. But in sports, fans don’t go for such realities. In sports, a fan base will rail on about being cheated out of a win. Every loss is a conspiratorial scenario in which the referees are on the take, the commissioner is orchestrating the outcomes and the league is in bed with the Russians. Your team never loses, it simply gets cheated out of the win . . always.

Have a stupid argument? Be a sports fan!- When the Yankees lost Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, a Mets fan I know actually said the Yankees were not a great organization. Why? Because they weren’t great in Game 7’s. This was never minding all those world titles. This was ignoring the fact that the more times you try at something, the more times you will in fact, fail. You ain’t gonna win every time. The Yankees have failed scores of times, because they’ve been there more than anyone else. Simple math.

Teams Buy Titles- Only in sports can such an argument gain traction. Can you imagine saying “Shit, Apple spends WAY too much on R&D . . it’s no fair, they’re buying their success!”. I mean, you can say it . . and you can be laughed out of the room. Believe it or not, spending money on the product in order to be competitive is not a crime. The Yankees have always played the villain when it comes to this argument, and for good reason. Their owners have always aspired to give their fan base a winner. The nerve of those owners! But really, what’s worse? Putting money into the product, or pocketing the fans hard earned money and doing bupkis? This is why sports arguments are ass backwards. And one more thing. All those fan bases that derided the Yankees for spending ridiculous amounts of money on their club? Are plenty fine when it’s their team spending big. Funny how that works.

Hot Takes- Pretentious, isn’t it?

Get Out of Jail Free Cards- That’s what a ticket to a sporting event is, most of the time. If you stand inside a department store screaming all manner of bad shit about the manager and throwing merchandise at the patrons, you just might score a free ride in the back of a police cruiser. But sporting events are different. Not sure why they’re different, but they are.

I could go on but you get the point. Sports has its place, and that place should be a small one. Problem is, sports has become much too prevalent a place for most of us. We should be sipping, not gulping. We shouldn’t be more familiar with the stats line for our favorite players than who our elected representatives are. That’s bread and circuses shit, and it’s indicative of a nation that prioritizes gladiator games over real life business.

Rome burned for such a thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skipping White House Visits- I’m sorry, but if you’re going to speak about social progress, you best put your mouth where all the money is. Skipping a White House visit because you don’t agree with the occupant is weak shit. Especially when you’re a high profile athlete with a platform, whose voice can be heard more resoundingly than the average dude. Which is why I was happy to hear that the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles are negotiating the terms of a visit. Stand face to face and go toe to toe! Do not forsake the opportunity most of us only wish we could have to voice our issues with the current President.