Top 5 Heroes Of The Week

Christmas week is in full swing, with a new year warming up in the bullpen. Of course, our collective dream home of 2019 is going to be filled with a lot of the same furniture, like . .

  • A partial government shut down thanks to a wall that has absolutely nothing to do with Pink Floyd.
  • Historic stock market rallies that fail to assuage investors, who’ve seen this roller-coaster act plunge off the tracks before.
  • Concern that the Russians have developed a hyper-sonic missile that travels faster than Kim Kardashian’s credit card.
  • The burrito of a federal deficit which stood at $779 billion on October 31st- the end of the fiscal year. Administration officials attribute the seventeen percent spike in one calendar year to fake news, fake fur, fake grass, fake breasts and CNN’s Jim Acosta.
  • Security breaches are the next gen pickpockets, only much more insidious. The good news is that nobody was affected by the K-Mart and Sears breaches since nobody shops there. The bad news is plenty of peeps shop Whole Foods, Saks Fifth Avenue, Best Buy, Under Armour and Forever 21. Those brands are but a few of the more than two dozen that were tapped.

But never mind all that shit, there’s a celebration to be had! Because it’s Friday, and that means I’m doing a Heroes post. And okay . . that’s not really cause for celebration. Anyways, cheers for the weekend!

5- The Andy Griffith Show called . . They want their hokum back- I’ve become dreadfully indifferent when it comes to politicians, seeing as how they’ve transformed the tenets of democracy into a private porn stash. But this Mike Huckabee, he really pisses me off.

Huck went and did it again this week when he blamed the press for bashing Trump’s Christmas Eve phone conversation with a seven year old girl. During the call, Trump asked her if she still believed in Santa Claus “. . . because at seven, it’s marginal . . right?”

The press reported on the Trump exchange, after which social media moved the needle. Huckabee’s disingenuous assertion that the press weaponized the comment is dumber than Cher’s next boyfriend (That’s not a knock on Cher. It’s a knock on mimbos). “You never can find a way that President Trump will make some of the people in the press happy,” He said.

The Foxies and Huck chuckled over how Trump didn’t “boil a bunny” whilst ignoring the fact this wasn’t a navigated conspiracy, it was a democratized response. I can imagine that Huckabee would’ve been calling Obama a Christian bashing progressive for saying the same fucking thing.

4- 200 Yutes Sing Songs of Love –More than 200 youths in Roanoke, Virginia were involved in a brawl as the result of a song that ignited local gang tensions. My first thought: Kids still roller skate?

3- Alex Bregman: Drive Thru King- Bregman is an outfielder for the Houston Astros who went around to fast food joints in the Houston area on Christmas Eve and gave tips to all the workers. Some would say Well sure, he makes a video where he’s Top Hatting his pin money. Big whoop!. But I say Dude could be making it rain in a strip club, but instead he’s penning a Dickens vine. Don’t hate the player, love his game.

2- His Very Own Truman Show- Trump says if he doesn’t get funding for his wall, no deal. He also says federal workers support his decision to furlough their asses if he doesn’t get funding for the world’s longest handball court. He also says Harrison Ford was the second best President ever.

Seeing as how Trump’s ability to appreciate the greater good is smaller than his hands, Chuck Schumer should choreograph an agreement. Enlist fuzzy language assuring Trump that he will receive ‘A Vermilion Dollars For Completion of Wall’. He’ll have no clue that this means monopoly money. Next, arrange a face to face with the United States Superintendent of Walls, Clark Griswold, who will present Trump with a lifetime pass to Wally World. As they dine on KFC, Griswold will present ‘live footage’ of the wall under construction- which, in actuality, will be a scale model built with Lego blocks.

Government shutdown over.

1- Yes Dayami, there is a Santa Claus- A week and a half before Christmas, Randy Heiss of Patagonia, Arizona was out for a hike when he spotted a red balloon strewn across the grass. Upon closer inspection, he found a note attached to the ribbon of the balloon. It was a Christmas wish list for Santa, written in Spanish.

The town of Patagonia is located near the border to Mexico, and eventually Heiss was able to pin down the coordinates of the balloon’s flight pattern to Nogales, Mexico- some twenty miles southwest of his ranch. With help from his wife and an AM radio station in Nogales, they found the author of the wish list: An eight year old girl named Dayami. A meeting was arranged with Heiss and his wife making the forty five minute drive to Nogales to deliver Christmas presents to Dayami and her little sister. Since the little ladies still believe in Santa, the Heisses introduced themselves as his ‘helpers‘.

The Wall could not be reached for comment.

Top Five Heroes Of The Week

Last week’s edition of my top five heroes of the week received a great deal of love. The stories were heartwarming and inspiring, and I’m thankful to all the peeps who chimed in with propers. So apologies in advance, because this weeks heroes post . . ain’t resembling last week’s. At all.

I decided to take a vacation from the sublime news stories and to feast on the ridiculous instead. Maybe I’ll mix and match these heroes posts in upcoming editions. Or maybe I’ll just go on the meds, after all.

Both. Definitely both . . .

5- The Blind Side: To paraphrase a well used aphorism, there is no bad deed that goes unrewarded when it comes to college football. So I wasn’t the least bit surprised when the Coaching God, Nick Saban, brought in the disgraced D.J. Durkin to be a consultant for the Alabama football program.

Durkin was the head coach at Maryland when 19 year old Jordan McNair collapsed and later died of heat stroke after one of Durkin’s boot camp practices. After a debacle of an investigation in which the coach was placed on paid leave, then re-instated and then fired when the resultant pushback threatened to bring down the program . . he was considered radioactive.

Until Saint Nick swooped in. And now, I have a new favorite team in next month’s college football playoff. Any team but Alabama.

4- You Sleigh Me: There’s been a lot of hate directed at this dude, and I ain’t seeing it. I mean, if anything . . he’s a great lesson for the young ‘uns.

It’s like this, kids. This Santa gives a shit about the holidays, because he has a J-O-B that puts him in direct contact with you little virus monsters when he could’ve scored a seasonal position at Chipotle. But he decided to forsake the best free lunches this side of Congress, as well as the respect of his girlfriend, so he could wear a facial pasty that itches like a motherfucker. All so that you can have your precious little fantasy about a gift giving old bastard. And . . he didn’t pull a George Costanza either! 

Merry Fucking Christmas.

3- Way Up In The Air: Now, the cynical person might read my thoughts on Lil Pump and be like “Yo Marc, you’re profiling man!” . . and to that cynical person I say, yep . . matter of fact I am. Because if I see this dude hauling a bag around that smells like weed, Imma think some shaggy type shenanigans.

Lil Pump

And so when Mr. Pump was booted off a flight because his bag smelled of weed, I get it. You’re not supposed to do that. But . . . here’s the thing. Why are we so fucking worried about weed on an airplane? Seriously, if you told me that a passenger on my flight was in possession of something illegal I would be like Oh shit! I should’ve listened to that fortune cookie and stayed home! But if you followed that up by telling me the illegal something was pot, I would say something to the effect of Well thank fucking Christ for that! Now can we go booty up on this tin pipe and get outta town already?

2- A ‘Reefer’endum: Rahm Emanuel hasn’t exactly been living his best life since scoring the job of Mob Boss (I mean Mayor) of Chicago in 2011. He’s presided over spiking crime rates and plummeting approval ratings and the end of the Cubs dynasty (before it even got started!). And while the Mayor ain’t scoring the Cubbies gig anytime soon, he is still plenty resourceful. He fought his way back from the Chicago PD scandal in 2015 that had the Chi-town faithful making a call to the bullpen. And his latest balls to the wall plan to pay down a debt that has gone to pot? Go with it.

Yep, Rahmbo wants to legalize marijuana.

If he changes his mind about another run, The Dude will definitely own the youth vote. Food and beverage lobbies are gonna be throwing their green (money) his way. Criminals will get lazy, and the Windy City is gonna possess a whole different kind of chill. So to all the haters . . .

That’ll Cheech you!

1- You Can’t Make This Shit Up (Part LVI): We’re at halftime (maybe) of the reign of Trump and man . . what a fucking trip so far, huh? And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculous, it done did when a disgraced former celebrity (is that redundant?) expressed an interest in the Chief of Staff vacancy.

Word on the street has it that Jose Canseco was about to pull his resume from Monster.com since he hadn’t scored his dream gig at Game Stop, until he caught wind of a Chief of Staff opening at the Taj on 1600. And now the country waits in breathless anticipation for Orson Welles to make the scene, fresh from his cryogenic nap and be like “Gotcha bitches!”

knew reality shows were a sign of the apocalypse, but nobody listened.

 

Top Five Heroes Of The Week

Reading up on the news is like receiving a personalized greeting card from Nietzsche in that there’s a one hundred percent chance you are gonna be exposed to some truly depressing shit.

Unlike with old Friedrich, most of the news ain’t worth the time spent teasing the abyss of our very souls. Like, I’m trying to be sympathetic to the ‘worst year’ of Ariana Grande’s life . . but she’s like twelve . . so there’ll be better years ahead, okay? And when Trump Jr. says the socialists are gonna have us eating dogs, I feel as if the boy needs to go back to Finishing school. Then there’s the recent survey which reports that seventy seven percent of millennials would give up booze and forty four percent would give up sex for an entire year. In favor of Amazon. Which means that if Ian Dury had been a millennial, he would’ve penned one of the all time most forgettable songs of a generation.

So when the news gives you lemons, tell the news to go fuck itself. Which is what I did this morning when I culled five good feels stories from the dumpster fire of breaking bad news that predominates our frequencies. I am calling it my Top Five Heroes Of The Week. The order I have followed here is for the purpose of dramatic crescendo only, because all of these stories rocked my casba equally so.

That’s the problem with good news, it ain’t need headlines.

5- A Tyler Perry “Lay” Up: Lord knows I have panned this dude countless times for that whole unfunny Madea series of movies. But this thing he did recently, where he paid off more than four hundred and thirty thousand dollars in Christmas layaways? Is the reason for the season. Righteous!

4- The “Advent”ures of The Notorious Q: Her real name is Dale, and her blog, A Dalectable Life, is like a supper table where everyone is invited and the stories are always entertaining. She’s doing a series of Advent posts this month in which she ‘calls out’ a different blogger every day. Yule love it!

3- A Champion Off The Court Too: I figured the only person Steph Curry of the Golden State Warriors had to listen to these days is his accountant. Turns out the two time MVP and three time NBA champion also listened to 9 year old Riley Morrison when she wrote to tell him that girls sizes in sneakers do matter. This is a sneaky great story from a really cool cat.

2- Home Is Where His Heart Is: What if you don’t have a big Under Armour deal like Curry? What if you have nothing at all, and you find $17,000 dollars? Kevin Booth answered that question when he found a bag full of cash that was just begging for the homeless thirty two year old to take it. Instead, he handed it over to a volunteer at the food bank he visited. I can’t pun this one, I got nothing.

1- A Lesson In Civility: I wouldn’t have blamed the Bush family for playing keep away with President Trump this week. The passing of their family patriarch, George H.W. Bush, was a time for family and friends; of which Trump is neither. Yes, he’s a sitting President, but he’s also a purveyor of pissed off rants, many of which have been directed at the Bush family.

No matter. Because sometimes, doing the right thing matters more than doing what is understandable and justified. The Bush family provided a much needed lesson in civility to a boss who doesn’t behave like a leader. And while it’s certain the lesson won’t stick with him, it sure does with me. Because sometimes, the best revenge is not wanting revenge at all.

Go in peace, look for the heroes.

Speaking Of . . .

Before we get started, I should warn you, this post is sports heavy. You might want to sit this one out if that’s not your thing. Oh, but wait . . sports isn’t really about sports any longer, I forgot. So umm . . if sports is your thing, you might want to sit this one out. But the video at the end of this post . . you should check it out.

  • Classy move by SNL in paying tribute to George H.W. Bush. It’s ironic how peeps on both sides of the political aisle look upon former Presidents now, with a richer appreciation. Bush wasn’t the most popular of Presidents, but he served with dignity and grace; two elements that have gone missing since 2017.

Anime Illegal

  • Speaking of classless, the Washington Redskins signing of Reuben Foster would apply. Foster was released by the 49ers last week after he was arrested on domestic violence charges, and the Redskins were only too happy to swoop in and sign him. Foster majored in criminal behavior at Alabama and he continued his lawless ways in two seasons with San Francisco. He can play some football, which is all that counts as far as the Redskins are concerned. How sad.
  • And speaking of the Redskins  . . lemme see if I got this straight. Their starting quarterback- Alex Smith- goes out with a season ending injury a couple weeks back and they don’t even put in a phone call to Colin Kaepernick because he questions allegiance to the flag. But . . Reuben Foster, he’s okay because he just beats the shit out of women. Got it.
  • Speaking of men behaving badly, Kareem Hunt was released by the Chiefs after TMZ released a video of Hunt shoving and kicking a woman in Cleveland back in February. In a recent interview, Hunt said he isn’t the type of person to lay his hand on a woman. Son, you did just that, and admitting you were in the wrong and that the Chiefs did the right thing in releasing you is a constructive first step. Admitting you are the type of person who would lay his hand on a woman is the next step. Get help. 
  • And speaking of help, why doesn’t the NFL hire the TMZ peeps to score these videos? The same league that can bring mountains of evidence against Tom Brady for allegedly deflating some footballs, somehow can’t find a fucking video of Hunt hitting a woman? Get Roger Goodell on the phone . . I got some WMD’s in Iraq I wanna sell him. Cheap!

Well Shit

  • And speaking of paper mache bosses, I’m glad the semi-pro Ohio State Buckeyes won’t be attending the College Football playoffs. Maybe all those Buckeyes fans who thought defeating Michigan absolved Coach Meyer of aiding and abetting a wife beater can take that imaginary chip off their shoulders now and grow the hell up.
  • Speaking of imaginary, I know the NCAA couldn’t do it because they have a convoluted methodology to abide by in filling out their final four, but there is no way in hell Georgia ain’t a top four team. In my humble estimation, the Bulldogs are a top two team.
  • Speaking of fantastic beasts and where to find ’em, it seems the probe into possible Russian interference in the 2016 election might finally be coming to an end. What? Somebody found the TMZ video?
  • Speaking of probes, Target Tammy doesn’t take kindly to sex talk of any kind. Methinks the two minute video is the most sex talk Tammy has had in a long time.
  • And speaking of twits, a Rudy Guiliani tweet mistakenly linked to a screen which read “Donald J. Trump is a traitor to our country”. Awkward! And while I don’t take Twitter seriously, I do happen to take the fact that Rudy is morphing into the Penguin very seriously.
  • And speaking of WTF? I’m issuing a cease and desist to Walmart for using the classic song Help Is On Its Way by the Little River Band in its commercials. Yep, they framed this ditty into the come on for their failing grocery app; which has proven to be a shit show because the only thing this schlock house retailer is good at is low prices. Stop fucking with good music, Walmart!

And speaking of good music . . check out Pink doing it up in her best Freddie Mercury. It’s a six minute dose of pure sugar.

 

 

Bread and Circuses

We Love Urban

I get it.

The ongoing Urban Meyer investigation is nothing more than a PR campaign. When Ohio State officials issued a statement in which they promised a decision within “fourteen days”, it meant they plan on bringing him back, unless more damning evidence comes out before then.

So of course, a hundred or so clueless individuals showed up for a rally in support of Coach Meyer last Monday. And so I composed a letter to them. To the vast majority of Ohio State peeps who get it, please understand that I bear no ill will to you, your school or your sports programs. This is for the small minority of fools whose priorities should be questioned, not simply by yours truly, but by anyone who knows them.

Dear Ralliers,

I’m writing to you on behalf of all the battered women out there who have more important things to do than post a blog. Important things, like survive. They don’t have time to ask Urban Meyer why he would aid and abet a known abuser over all these years. They don’t have time to ask why you thought it was a good idea to hold a rally for someone like Urban Meyer.

Nut

Thing is, you were probably quick to slam Penn State. Michigan State too. And you were right on both counts, of course. Because the respective administrations of those two schools needed to be held accountable for horrific cover-ups. Problem is, your indignation seems to have been more about conference affiliation- The Lions and Spartans are Big Ten rivals- than about concern for the victims.

Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t expecting much from your small (thankfully) contingent. And yet, you managed to give us so much less anyway. Because wins and conference titles and playoff appearances are what matter most to you. Because you let us know that when you held a rally for a coach who is still employed because he can supply those things to your fan base.

If Urban Meyer was anything less than a great coach, he would’ve been gone by now. You would have been plenty fine with doing the right thing . . in that instance. But in this one, Meyer did wrong, and then he perpetuated that wrong by keeping an abuser on his payroll, and the only reason you’re okay with that is because of his 73-8 record.

What does it say about you . . that you would stand behind a bad guy like Meyer? That you would rally for his job when the facts demand that he be gone? What does it say about you that wins matter more than Courtney Smith’s well being? That wins matter more than the women who are being abused every single day? What does it say about you that, when you had a chance to do the right thing and demand that Meyer be fired immediately, you chose to hide behind his 73-8 record? What does it say about you, that you chose cult behavior over courage and compassion?

Me Too!

You should be ashamed of yourselves. But as that rally you held for Urban Meyer shows us all too well, you have no shame. Because the truth is, you might have been able to make a real difference in the interim. As your school waits it out in the hopes they won’t have to fire Meyer for his transgressions, you could have stayed neutral to the decision while still making a statement of hope and change. Because while an independent panel of investigators that includes three Ohio State trustees conducts its sham investigation, you could have issued a preemptive warning to Meyer’s second act, which seems more likely by the day. You could’ve put Meyer on notice.

You could have gotten together in support of all the women who are abused every single day. You could have gathered to remember all the women who have lost their lives to their abusers. And in so doing, you could have sent a message to this big name coach and his big deal program that by helping one abuser, they do an injustice to all those who are abused.

Because your cowardly rally comprised of weak minded individuals? It was the stuff of lemmings. You trashed journalists for uncovering the truth. You belittled a movement that is trying to move out of the dark ages. You defended a coach who hides behind bible study sessions and plausible denials. And why? You did so in the name of trophies.

I thought you should know that since you held your little rally on Monday? Twelve women have been murdered by their current or former male partners. And by the time this investigation is completed by that other Urban Meyer fan club? Thirty more women will have been murdered by their current or former male partners.

Your football coach is part of the problem, and so are you.

Here We Go Again

National Championship - Oregon v Ohio State

There is no end to this.

From Penn State to Baylor, Michigan State to Ohio State, there is always going to be another school that sells its soul for national relevancy. And apologies for using the singular as per my statement, but really . . one school at a time. Because we do understand the plurality of this scourge is a slow drip that will take us to some other school and involve who knows what in who knows where. And the details will be different, but the mandate will remain the same for the next school that gets caught in the cross-hairs.

Win. At all costs.

Because winning is all that really matters. Sure, academics will be preached and graduation rates for players will be talked about and the ‘student athlete experience’ will be lauded and even when outsiders do uncover all the shit the program pushed aside or swept away, school officials will have their prepared speeches and PR firms on the scene. They will be ‘inconvenienced’ for a while, after which they will re-brand, with promises to do better. And those promises will be so paper thin as to be see-through. Because so long as the embattled program stands by its win at all costs mantra, nothing will change.

Urban Meyer is just the latest big name football coach to come under fire for this win at all costs mentality that pervades his sport. Meyer is really fucking good at what he does. To the tune of a 73-8 record and a National Championship. And he has run a clean program. Well, clean compared to his last stop at Florida University where in his six years as field boss, thirty one football players were arrested. Thirty one.

Those thirty one arrests ranged from misdemeanor assault, felony domestic assault to felony theft and domestic battery. When his star running back Chris Rainey was charged with aggravated stalking for texting his girlfriend that it was “Time to die, bitch!”, he wasn’t kicked out of school. He didn’t lose his scholarship. He was suspended. For four games. Meyer told reporters it was in Rainey’s best interests to keep playing football. He never did expand on what that girl’s best interests were.

Aaron Hernandez was a part of those championship Florida teams. The same Aaron Hernandez who was convicted years later of murdering Odin Lloyd. Which wasn’t Urban’s problem by then seeing as how Hernandez was a member of the New England Patriots when he committed that crime. And never mind that Hernandez was involved in multiple run-ins with the law while at Florida, or that he was a person of interest in several homicides during that time and after. But seriously, Urban did all he could. It wasn’t his fault that Bible study sessions with Aaron at the Meyer household didn’t keep.

Aaron Hernandez

In spite of all his successes at Florida, which included a couple national titles, Meyer stepped down after the 2010 season for ‘personal reasons’ which included health concerns and a need to spend more time with his family- according to Meyer. This was a year after an intern on his staff, Zach Smith, had been charged with felony assault for beating on his pregnant wife. Smith’s wife Courtney was pressured by Florida officials not to pursue charges, and we have to assume they asked her nicely.

With a clean bill of health and all that family business out of his system, Meyer returned to the game after a one year hiatus. In his second year as field boss, he hired Zach Smith. So with a clean slate in a new place, Meyer went right back to being an enabler. In the name of winning, at all costs.

No less a college football authority than Paul Finebaum bemoaned the arrogance of the latest college football icon who is busy dying on his own sword. And then Finebaum told the absolute truth of this matter, and too many like it. “This is what big time coaches do . . they enable.

Urban Meyer not only chose a monster to lead young men, he enabled him. Time after time after time. Unless you actually believe Meyer didn’t know about the brutal beat down on Courtney Smith back in 2009. Unless you take Meyer’s word for it, that he had ‘no idea’ his coach kept right on beating her through his tenure as assistant coach at Ohio State, which ended last month. Unless you believe the boss was in the dark while every single member of his coaching staff knew exactly what was going on. Unless you believe that Urban’s wife Shelley- the woman Urban calls his ‘confidante’ because she shares everything with him- didn’t share what she knew about Smith as far back as 2015. Meyer’s standing line reads like so many other big name coaches: I knew nothing, I know nothing . . I’m trying to win games here.

Courtney Smith

So with all the nuanced language that will dominate this story to its end; with the countless times we will be barraged with the term alleged, and with the cursory observations that will look to engage readers and viewers without actually condemning this football icon, you won’t hear the truest description.

Urban Meyer is a bad guy.

How else to describe someone who values wins and legacy over the safety and well being of women? And why should we believe one word he says at this point?

Urban Meyer, as great as he is and as young as he still is, should never be allowed to step foot on a football field. Ever again. He should never be allowed to lead young men, ever again. Short of criminal prosecution being an option, which it isn’t, we punish Urban Meyer by sending him into retirement for good. He can take his remaining thirty eight million dollars from Ohio State. He can take his wins and his legacy, for whatever that’s worth. He can leave and never come back. As far as I’m concerned, he gets off way too easy.

They all do.

 

 

 

 

Living Monday like a rock concert

Why does Monday feel like an accident? It’s like we’re cruising down the interstate inside a couple days supplied to us by Don Henley and the next thing we know, a day comes out of nowhere to sideswipes our asses. And the worst part is, our insurance won’t cover the damage since the day really didn’t come out of nowhere. We saw it coming for days, in fact.

Mondays roll like that. They’re used to being the punchlines divvied up by their more fortunate calendar compatriots. Tuesday gets off on knowing at least it’s not Monday. Wednesday is the hump day darling . . Thursday is the Eve of Friday, whose proper is disco lemonade to our senses. Saturday is so dang popular that Chicago wrote an anthem for it, and Sunday is where all the other days come to chill. All the other days excepting for Monday, which ain’t fetching an invite on account of all the mellow it harshes, just by being in the room.

And so this Monday finds the Dubs as the baller kings who just sent LBJ off in search of a funky town where he can reclaim his crown. And I want it to be Miami . . with KD and Kawhi. Because Mondays can be for dreaming too.

Monday is Trump in Singapore, in an historic meeting with the dude from that Seth Rogen movie. And like . . . what’s the worst that could happen?

And speaking on Monday . . are we like . . at war with Canada yet? Because I’m not sure whether Trump and Trudeau hate each other or whether they are very much in love. . .

Monday is figuring out why Anthony Bourdain is gone much too soon, and knowing that we’re never gonna figure it out. Because he took all those thoughts and voices that never quit his brain, with him. We were thieved a genuine voice and immense talent. And it happens every day, to names not famous. And sometimes? We just need to be thankful for the time we have.

Monday is being knee deep in a baseball season whose news is going to be stolen away in snippets from now until October. Like with Nadal winning France again and Bob Baffert cementing his status as best trainer ever with Justify’s triple crown win . . and the World Cup coming strong.

Monday is wondering why we need another Jurassic movie, and its realizing because Jeff Goldblum is as good a reason as any.

Monday is letting go of what’s not coming back and taking hold of what’s ahead. It’s making the best of things. It’s putting a face to the name of the moments that are waiting for us. It’s kicking ass, taking names and it’s living as if Monday isn’t Monday at all.

Monday is taking me back to the summer of 1984. Back when I thought Orwell a putz when it came to predictions. Must’ve been the mood.