I Ain’t Down With This Block Party

ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOTS Game $14.97! - AddictedToSaving.comThe more things change, the more expensive they become. As a creature of ritual habitual, I insist on the ‘Lemme Be’ style of writing/bitching/editing/moaning for my WordPress posts. Which means to say, don’t call me with a change . . . Imma call you. All I ask of this place is to not fuck with my shit, which is all I ask of my government, come to think of it. On both counts, I’m usually getting value subtracted ‘bargains’ that I didn’t ask for and most definitely do not need in my life. It’s like loading up on clearance tchotchke at Target, only without the opportunity to unload it on an e-commerce site.

So when WordPress started talking up their new Block Editor last year? I did what any responsible blogger would’ve done with the information. I completely ignored it. And so for the past six months, the home office has been marching to this idea that a full scale, highly customizable change is coming . . whether we like it or not.

Not wanting to be uprooted from my humble blog abode, I did some research. I sat through three and a half minutes of a fifteen minute instructional video on the Block Editor (Or Gutenberg- an homage to the Renaissance era inventor of the printing press) and I was proud of myself for having made it that far. For one thing, the video feels as if it was made in a subterranean business suite sharing space with a dark web massage parlor. For another, it speaks to the curious state of our existence that there are a proliferation of videos on the topic that run even longer than the one I watched. For perspective, the soldiers who landed on the beaches of Normandy were given a couple minutes worth of do’s and don’ts before their introduction to hell.

If you go on the official WordPress site, this is the starched jingle to their forced mingle.

We call the new editor Gutenberg. The entire editing experience has been rebuilt for media rich pages and posts. Experience the flexibility that blocks will bring, whether you are building your first site, or write code for a living.

As a veteran of WordPress, I’ve seen the platform go through more wardrobe changes than Elton John doing Rio. As a writer, this Block Editor doesn’t feel like a match . . in the least. Not unless I was planning on doing shit other than writing. And it’s not like I have a problem with any of it . . . unless they insist on me switching. Which is where my angst comes in, because it’s obvious that the universal theme to their newest scheme is that yeah . . at some point we’re going to have to drink the not so cool aid.

Which means Imma have to get to my bunker and fetch the old school admin page once this happens. And I really ain’t digging the fact that WordPress is going all Sheryl Crow on my ass by insisting that a change will do me good. But okay . . fine, let them think they have my best interests in mind. So long as my annual subscription doesn’t ask for a Congressional raise this fall in order to offset the small fortune they’ve spent on their ad campaign.

Hey, I’m no blockhead.