Heroes Of The Week!


Magic King-dumb- In the immortal words of Whitney Houston, I believe that children are our future. Because with the way the adults are behaving, they have to be! In the latest episode of Grown Ups Behaving Badly, I give you this video (right here) of a family get together at Disney Land that got out of hand. As in open hand. And slapping. And hair pulling. And umm . . . kids? Can you please hurry up and save us from ourselves?

The Mets win!- Well, kinda. The Mets Peter Alonso won the HR Derby on Monday night, and hey . . it’s somethingSure the Mets season is a twenty four car pileup on the Grand Central Parkway. But they’ve got a couple bright lights in Jeff McNeil and Alonso. The brawny slugger beat out Vladimir Guerrero Jr for the crown, and will donate ten percent of his million dollar prize to two charities: Five percent to The Wounded Warrior Project and five percent to Tunnel To Towers. Chicks dig the long ball, and everybody digs a righteous dude like Alonso.

One if by land, two if by sea and freedom if by air!- To think, we might really be sipping tea right now if not for Continental Airlines- which I can only assume was the airline of choice for our revolutionary heroes. Because after we laid waste to the British airports, French and American troops safely landed at Yorktown International. On time, may I add, since there was no TSA yet. Thanks to the latest history lesson doled up by Trump, we learned that the Wright brothers were lying bastards. And now I’m dubious as to all those hardship stories about how the Pilgrims spent months at sea to get here.

History Theater- And speaking of . . . William Latson is the latest revisionist to history, as evidenced by his refusal to admit that the Holocaust actually happened. The now former Principal at Spanish River High School in West Palm Beach, Florida paved over the history books in a narrow minded missive he sent to a concerned parent last year. In the email exchange, Latson wrote ‘I can’t say the Holocaust is a factual, historical event because I am not in a position to do so as a school district employee,’. You know the old saying about how those who refuse to learn history are doomed to repeat it? We’re living proof.

They put the beauty in the beautiful game- With their 2-0 win over the Netherlands on Sunday, the US women’s national team clinched back to back World Cup titles. And with it, all that talk about putting up or shutting up can go to sleep for good. As Megan Rapinoe put it, “I held up my end of the bargain (with Trump).” And now she’ll go to work fighting for gender equity. U.S. Soccer and FIFA need someone to light a fire under their asses, and she’s just the gal to do it.

Royals under glass- Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are a pretty big deal in the UK, but that doesn’t mean they owe the British press every living, breathing moment of their lives. When the royal couple opted for a private christening for baby Archie, the press cried bollocks. And when a member of Markle’s security team requested that no pictures of the duchess be taken during a match at Wimbledon last week, Piers Morgan went bonkers. Never mind the fact that Markle was not seated in the royal boxes but rather, had been personally invited to attend by Serena Williams. And never mind the fact that the Brits might be paying the rent on Buckingham Palace, but that doesn’t entitle them to treat these people like wax figures in a museum. Morgan railed on, saying that Markle should move to America if she wants privacy. Welp, she is welcome anytime. As far as Morgan goes, not so much.

Just so you know, she can dance!- Phoebe Kochis is a 19-year-old dancer with Down Syndrome. She also happens to possess the kind of fire and spirit that makes a cold world feel so much warmer. She proved as much when she accomplished her life long dream by appearing on the ABC hit show So You Think You Can Dance.

Kochis didn’t walk until she was two years old. But it wasn’t long before she got to shaking and shimmying to such a degree that her parents enrolled her in dance lessons. And what dreams may come, well . . they did just that when Phoebe won the title of Colorado Miss Amazing, which is a pageant for girls with disabilities.

The dream evolved and it talked her into believing that she had to audition for one of her favorite shows when she got older. And so she began laying out that blueprint, from the age of six. When it was simply a thought, that became a belief and then a raging fire.

It took thirteen years, but once she arrived on the dance floor she’d always dreamed of owning, Phoebe showed the world what happens when providence smiles on you. She didn’t advance. But if you watched the girl do her thing, you understand that what she did advanced you. And it made you think. Long and hard and brightly on a world that too often comes back with change on our cosmic dollar bill. Phoebe flipped the script on the time worn expression that we should ‘ . . dance as if no one is watching . .’  because she danced as if the world was watching.

That works too.





Heroes Of The Week!


Luis Alvarez

In this week’s episode, Imma go five strong in the old school style of business. Five stories that run the gamut, from zeroism (my word) to heroism. You’ll notice that I deviated from the typical superhero pic that usually accompanies the Friday edition of Heroes. I decided to go with a real life superhero, Luis Alvarez, who died last Saturday after a three year battle with cancer. The canyons were built for shoulders like his.

“I’ll take clueless about colonies for $1,000, Alex,”- I’ve been a consistent defender of Colin Kaepernick’s anthem protests because I’m democratic and such. But his holler over the colonial flag is more off key than Francis Scott after a night of making merry. Kaep took exception with the design of Nike’s Air Max 1 Quick Strike Fourth of July sneaker, which features the Betsy Ross flag design.

Nike, which has no problem making sneakers that cost hundreds of dollars and have gotten many a kid mugged or worse for sporting ’em, decided not to release the 4th of July special edition kicks. Because it was deemed “racially insensitive” by Kaep. It’s really getting to the point where history is being reworked to facilitate rather than to educate, and that endgame is a frightening proposition.

Tanks for nothing- El Presidente decided to take a page out of the Russian holiday playbook, switching out May with July . . of course. The Continental Congress signed the Declaration of Independence two hundred and forty three years ago, and not a single one of those signers asked for the top rung. They understood the shared responsibilities of a brave new world and were of the belief that no one man was more important than the freedoms and liberties enjoyed by all men. I mean . . they’d fought to get away from that.

And so this brand walk by .45 felt incongruous to what our founding fathers had in mind. The tanks and fighter jets display was inauthentic enough. But his speech in front of the Lincoln Memorial was abject showmanship on a day that is meant to commemorate the courage and sacrifice of every single man and woman who fought to gain, and preserve, our way of life.

They make soccer look gooood- The US women’s national team is in the World Cup finals for the third time in a row and will go for their second straight crown on Sunday against the Netherlands. They got there thanks to goals by Alex Morgan and Christen Press, and diamond cut goalkeeping by Alyssa Naeher in a 2-1 victory over England. In doing so, they overcame the absence of supernova midfielder Megan Rapinoe, who was sidelined with a strained hamstring.

As per usual, the ladies got some peeps all up in their feelings with their greatest show on turf. Their sexy forward, Alex Morgan, fancied a cup of imaginary tea to sip on after scoring a goal early on against England. Of course, pub goers across London took to social media with modern day red coats and bayonets after the display. And a few of the gals on England’s team got their knickers all in a knot over the shenanigans as well.

Our girls are hated . . they are real . .

And they are magnificent.

Finding peace and purpose under the sea- What do you get when you combine veterans with PTSD and an ailing environment? Would you believe it if I told you magic? Because that’s what the organization Force Blue is working along an eighty mile stretch of Florida coastline.

The idea of recruiting former military members for scuba diving missions to preserve and rescue endangered coral reefs is the brainchild of Jim Ritterhoff and Rudy Reyes. The genesis of this venture came to be after the two friends went on a scuba diving trip in 2015. Reyes, who had been suffering from depression after serving as a Recon Marine, found the experience transformative.

And so now, the men are changing minds with each new ‘mission’ to save the coral reefs. Because all those cynics who are so adept at refuting scientists, are being told by their heroes that something needs to be done about the damage we’re doing to the environment.

A genius idea that profits the environment . . . what a novel concept.

Luis Alvarez Congress

That is Luis Alvarez on the other side of sixty nine chemotherapy treatments. A ghostly remnant of the NYPD detective who possessed the physique of a linebacker and the heart of a lion. It can be said that Alvarez never did stop digging after those planes reduced the twin towers to rubble.

He lived fifty three mortal years but he lived thousands of lives in the last eighteen years; encompassing the friends he lost, the strangers he helped to recover and the fraternity he fought for until his dying breath. His was not merely the life of a public servant but a living testament to what service means. He lived through hell on September 11th, and then he kept stepping foot back inside of those nightmarish hours; day after day, month after month. Until they all found home.

In a perfect world, Alvarez would have made a great old man. But there’s nothing perfect about a place where people sacrifice everything and still have to fight for compensation on the other side. Unlike those members of Congress who didn’t show up to listen to him speak last month, Alvarez showed up. Every day. Until his body couldn’t do it any longer, until his spirit’s passing left the world a little bit colder.

The angels win, again.






Heroes Of The Week!

Dare Devil

Family Value$- Rep. Duncan Hunter out of California is what Big Politics is all about. He is expert at talking out of both sides of his mouth; railing on about wanton spending and people’s personal lives whilst playing the role of Hugh Hefner in sequined Uncle Sam hat. Last year, Hunter and his wife were charged with bogarting a quarter of a million G-Dubs from his campaign war chest for family outings, private school tuition and beer runs (well, it said personal expenses but the dude likes beer). And wait! There’s more! He re-purposed even ‘mo money for ski trips, bar tabs (told ya) and hotel trysts with various congressional aides. His “Do as I say and not as I do,” act needs to get slam dunked.

Let’s get high!- I watched Nik and Lijana Walenda walk the high wire over Times Square . . the night after it happened. On YouTube. Because hells if I was gonna watch it live. The duo tiptoed across a 1,300 feet wire the width of a quarter, 25 feet off the ground. Oh, and it was Lijana’s first walk since a near fatal fall two years ago in which she broke every bone in her face. For those who shrugged off the performance on account of the fact they wore harnesses (NYC law), ummm . . . let’s see them try it.

There’s a catch- Next time some football diva celebrates a touchdown catch, Imma clap back with this video because “That’s not a catch . . . that’s a catch!” Check out this kid in Turkey as he catches a toddler who fell from a window. And if babies ever start falling from the sky, dial him up.

Girls just wanna have fun- Okay, the US women’s soccer team is a lousy act when it comes to sportsmanship. I got some flak for letting them off the hook in last week’s episode of Heroes, but lemme ‘splain. I’m a Yankees fan (Death Star) who digs on Negan from Walking Dead and Darth Vader. The girls are hated in many corners, and rightfully so, but I happen to find them interesting as hell. And unlike the men’s soccer team, they get shit done.

Fuck that- Imma root on the girls because they make the pitch a sexy intrigue, but Megan Rapinoe’s got to ditch the four letter sorties she’s flinging at Trump. She ain’t the first person to engage in a rubber band fight with .45. From De Niro to Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib, the middle finger movement has one thing in common. It doesn’t work. Kudos to Rapinoe for coming out this week and saying that while she still ain’t stepping foot inside 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, she shouldn’t have used a four letter reply in saying so. That’s more like it.

My kind of (sports) town- I’m of the opinion that St Louis Cardinals fans are the best fans in baseball. They helped prove me right this week with a five minute standing ovation for Albert Pujols- who left the Cards in 2012 and signed a $210 million dollar contract with the Angels. It was his first trip back to the Gateway City since, and the hometown fans made Pujols feel as if he never left. They didn’t boo him for leaving, they cheered him for what he meant when he was theirs. At Busch Stadium, class is always in session.

Is there a Lemonhead Law?- A car dealership in Alabama (It’s hilarious already, right?) is offering up a holy shit of a deal for anyone who buys a new or pre-owned car. “Gods, Guns and Freedom” will gift each customer a bible, an American flag . . . and a 12-gauge shotgun. In a Facebook post, Chatom Ford heralds the promotion as an opportunity to “celebrate our independence”. From what? Sanity?

Great call, Ump- Last week I shared a story about what NOT to do when you’re a parent by chatting up those imbeciles who rumbled during a game being played by seven year old kids. The fight was precipitated by a call made by the umpire, who’s all of thirteen years old.

It’s a good thing we have peeps like Chris Guccione, who gets it. Guccione is a MLB umpire who read the story and then decided to reach out to the family of Josh Cordova- that thirteen year old umpire. Guccione invited them to be his guests at a game he will be calling in Colorado, between the Rockies and the Los Angeles Dodgers.

“This is my state, this is where my heart is,” Guccione, a Colorado native, told The Denver Post on Thursday. “So when I saw the incident that happened, I was concerned. I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, this is in my backyard.'”

Forget killing the ump, let’s kiss this one instead.



Heroes Of The Week!


Captain Marvel

Open Season in the Dominican- The death toll is ten and counting, with all sorts of theories abounding- from terror plots to a sleepy island gone Wild West. All that, and an assassination attempt that almost took out Big Papi, which, even if it was a case of mistaken identity, ain’t good for (tourist) business. This place is Camden with palm trees.

Why Jon Stewart fights- Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell wonders why the former talk show host was so “bent out of shape” when he testified before Congress last week? Look no further than Lou Alvarez, a 53-year-old former NYPD bomb squad detective who has colorectal cancer. His liver has completely shut down as a result of tumors and he underwent his 69th round of chemo the day after testifying before Congress last week. In spite of all that, less than half of the 14 members of the subcommittee on Constitution, Civil Rights and Civil Liberties were present to hear Alvarez speak. That’s unacceptable.

Tending to his goals- New York Islanders goaltender Robin Lehner made his bones this year and in so doing became a finalist for his position’s top honor- the Vezina Trophy. And while he didn’t score that one, he did take home the Masterton Award; which goes to the player that best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey. Lehner has been open about his struggles with substance abuse as well as his mental health journey. Toughness isn’t about being fearless, but rather it shows itself when you overcome those fears. “I’m not ashamed to say I’m mentally ill, but that doesn’t mean mentally weak.” Lehner says. True words from a true believer.

And they say Eagles fans are bad- Mexican national team fans take home the “Asshat Fan Base Of The Week” Award for their disgusting chant of Pato (The English translation of which means Faggot) during soccer games. Forget a wall, just put up a soundproof barrier around these assholes.

Home Alone, starring Charles Bronson 2.0- 11 year old Braydon Smith was home alone when three visitors decided to make an impromptu house call. Bad idea. One of the would be burglars grabbed a pellet gun that belonged to the family and ordered Smith into his bedroom closet while he and his partners in crime ransacked the place. Unshaken, the kid didn’t stay put, instead grabbing a machete from the wall and whacking one of them in the back of the head. After retaliating with punches and kicks, the intruder realized he was losing a lot of blood and fled the scene with his bungle bunch. And somewhere in Hollywood, Tarantino is dreaming up a Home Alone reboot . . .

The Four Letter Network can’t help itself- On a recent segment of ESPN’s First Take show, LaVar Ball made a lewd inference when host Molly Querim interrupted his mindless chatter by telling him she wanted to switch gears on the conversation.

“You can switch gears with me anytime,” Ball replied.

Querim navigated the uncomfortable situation admirably, but I have to wonder why her employers even gave this creep a platform. Again. ESPN is really good at celebrating dudes with attitudes, and then it feigns shock when these assholes do what everyone expects them to do. Querim deserved better, and so do right minded peeps.

Over the (thin blue) line- Those cops in Phoenix who pulled guns on a young family are why so many people live in fear of the public servants who are supposed to protect them. The story goes that their four year old daughter took a doll from a Dollar Store without their knowledge, after which the cops gave chase. I’m being serious. And then things got really stupid as the cops played it as if they were taking down the Manson family. It’s going to take a lot more than an apology from the Chief of Police to right this wrong.

And the flip side- Austin Police Officer James Riley is doing his part to bring a more positive vibe to the strained relationship between cops and community. When Riley noticed a young boy walking in the parking lot of a grocery store all by his lonesome, he approached the boy, who told him he was there to buy snacks for himself and his younger sibling. Riley gave him a ride home, at which point he learned the family was going through hard times financially. He told the kids to stay put and not to leave the house without an adult in the future, and then he went back to the grocery store and filled his cart with groceries and snacks for the family. Riley protected and he served.

Minor league parents- As if we didn’t know that Little League parents can make the Duggars look like the Swiss Family Robinson, we have this. A game comprised of seven year old kids at Westgate Elementary School in Lakewood, Colorado devolved into a steel cage match because the grown ups disagreed with an umpire’s call. Oh yeah, and the umpire is thirteen years old. You can’t make this shit up, and really . . why would you?

Chewy on this- Muchas gracias to the lovely Dale at A Dalectable Life for providing the flourishing touch to this week’s Heroes post.

When Joseph Inabnet had to put down his thirteen year old pug named Bailey last October, he lost a companion who had defied the odds for more than eight years. Bailey was beset with myriad health issues from the age of five, and according to Inabnet, it was in large part thanks to the outstanding care provided by their veterinarian that she lived for almost fourteen years. And so he gave thanks for the time he was gifted, even if it didn’t make the end any easier.

And then he contacted Chewy.com to see if he might be able to return an unopened bag of prescription dog food for a refund. The company told him to donate the dog food instead and they issued him a refund. But they didn’t stop there. They also sent him a sympathy card and an oil painting of Bailey that was based on a photo Inabnet had sent to the company. Because sometimes the bottom line has absolutely nothing to do with money.

To small kindnesses that prosper.






Heroes Of The Week!

Swamp Thing

Poll Dancing- A lot of news outlets have the democrats winning the White House in 2020, while Trump rails against the fake results. But my question is this? Why in the blessed fuck are we already in training camp for an election that is sixteen months out? Don’t a lot of these candidates have the people’s work to be doing?

Twist of fate- Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson took the moment over money and in so doing, gave their team everything they had. Thompson kept his team in Game 6 with 30 points, before going out with an ACL tear. And Durant came back when he could have gone the business route. He scored 11 points in twelve minutes in Game 5 before injuring his Achilles, but his efforts got the Warriors one more game.

The North!- But the one more game went to the Raptors, who bring the Stanley Cup . . I mean NBA trophy home to Canada for the first time. Few gave them a chance to win before the playoffs began, and yet here they are. Dino-might!

The lovely Dale over at A Dalectable Life hit me with a triple shot of feel good this past week. While I lord over the darkness, good thing I got peeps like her to help me see the light once in a while.

Book It- William Kamkwamba grew up in the impoverished East African country of Malawi with the destiny of his ancestors staring him straight in the face. A teenage farmer, his family lacked the funds to send him to high school so he dropped out in his freshman year. Kamkwamba never accepted his fate. At 14 he was borrowing books from a lending library and he learned how to construct windmills in order to provide power and irrigation to his village. He graduated from Dartmouth in 2014 and now develops technology curriculum that will provide the continent with a better future.

Born Winner- Simon Cheprot of Kenya was in a fight to the finish line of a 10 K race in Nigeria when he spotted a fellow runner down mere feet from the end of the race. Rather than take advantage of Kenneth Kipkemoi’s unlucky turn, Cheprot helped him across the finish line. He lost the race as a result, but none of that mattered as much as helping a fellow runner, and human being. The race organizers were so inspired by Cheprot’s sportsmanship that they awarded him $15,000 for his efforts.

For Cheprot, it wasn’t about the money though. “Running is not war; running brings peace, unity, and friendship.” The dude is tops in the most important race of all; the human race.

Green thumbs up- When someone stole cauliflower from his garden one day, Johan Scott didn’t get mad . . he got proactive. The retired police officer from Heidelburg, South Africa didn’t take the theft as a personal affront; he saw it as evidence that his neighbors were going hungry. So he expanded his garden onto his pavement in order to help provide for those in need. He planted beans, tomatoes, eggplant and beetroot and he offers it up free of charge to those in need. When he might have given up, he gave back instead.

He shows up, daily- Big thanks to Susannah at athingirldotcom for chiming in on Jon Stewart’s impassioned speech before Congress this week. The former talk show host was in Washington to speak on behalf of the 9/11 first responders who are ailing or have passed as a result of their exposure to toxins at Ground Zero in the aftermath of the terror attacks. Stewart is a a 9/11 Memorial & Museum board member. He has been a tireless advocate and much needed voice for those who need it most. His testimony was in support of the “Never Forget the Heroes: Permanent Authorization of the September 11th Victim Compensation Fund Act, which was advanced unanimously by the House Judiciary Committee.

“(These heroes) brought our country back, … (and) gave a reeling nation a solid foundation to stand back upon.” Amen to that.

Hating on excellence- The U.S. women’s soccer team is coming under fire for running up the score against Thailand? Having played organized sports, albeit at a much lower level than the ladies, I will say this. While it’s humbling to get your ass kicked, it’s humiliating when the opposing team takes mercy on you. Leave the ladies alone.

Singing the Blues- The St. Louis Blues franchise is a year younger than I am, having started its business back in 1967. And from the get, they were making history. They reached the Stanley Cup finals in each of their first three seasons, a feat unmatched in any sport. And so what if they got blanked to the tune (pun intended) of 12-0? They had Scotty Bowman on the bench, and so there was gonna be plenty ‘mo where that came from.

And then Bowman became a legend, somewhere else. He forged a dynasty in Montreal before winning more hardware in stops that included Pittsburgh and Detroit. Meanwhile, the Blues stopped making it a habit of reaching the finals. This year, for the first time in half a century, the Blues finally made it back. And they were rewarded with a match-up against the heavily favored Bruins. And Blues fans had to be thinking, “Here we go again . .”. Especially after a lackluster Game 6 loss in St Louis that seemed to let the Bruins off the hook.

So the Blues shipped off to Boston to accept the silver medal, again. And then a funny thing happened, and the boys played the game of their lives when it mattered most. And then all those ghosts of lost seasons past didn’t matter at all as the buzzer sounded and it was certain that the Cup would be living in St Louis proper for the summer. The band Phish (from New England, oh by the way) was playing a gig when they got word the Blues had won. So they covered the Blues anthem song, Gloria by Laura Branigan. It’s a hockey thing, you have to understand.

The Blues always had the cool sweaters, and one of the best sports towns in the country. Now they have the Cup as well.

Sing us home, Laura.


Heroes Of The Week!

Super Woman

Fandumb- Sports fans have a hard time staying in their lane but Warriors minority owner Mark Stevens took this hubris to another level Wednesday night when he shoved the Raptors Kyle Lowry after the point guard fell out of bounds. Stevens was kicked out for his actions and is not welcome for the remainder of the NBA Finals. Here’s hoping the Warriors don’t stop there. Stevens should be forced to sell his share of the club because there’s no room for his antics.

What a ride!- Lemuel Buster is a volleyball referee at Paulding County Parks and Recreation Department in Paulding County, Georgia. The dude is so committed to the kids he works with that after his car’s transmission went to the great beyond, he rented a car so he wouldn’t miss a game. A collection was taken up, after which Buster was presented with a Chrysler Sebring convertible and $2,000 in gift card donations. You really do get what you give.

NFL boss bullies Buffalo- When NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell talks about how the Bills need a new stadium to remain ‘competitive’, that’s what he’s doing. He’s pricing out a town that sits on the poverty line. He wants to bring his corporate (expensive) visions to a blue collar town, even if they can’t afford it. That is shameful.

YouTube find of the week #1- Kenneth Copeland is proof positive there is a hereafter. Because this creep is a demon, first class. He proves it, again, in this video.

Cheap Shit King strikes again!- Walmart lost the two tier graduation cake Marsy Flores ordered for her daughter, so they had her pick out a cake of her choice- free of charge- and they decorated it. Fast forward to the graduation party when the proud mama sliced into . . . Styrofoam. Because they gave her a fucking display cake. Low prices ain’t worth this kind of stupid.

Home (Depot) is where the heart is- Two year old Logan Moore has a condition called hypotonia which affects muscle tone and stability. As a result of this, he is unable to walk on his own and the insurance process to get Logan a walker is tedious. So his mom Christian took him to Home Depot recently in search of materials with which to make their own. Once the peeps knew the deal, they helped her find everything and then the manager sent her family out for ice cream. When they returned, Logan had a walker made from PVC piping. Gratis. That’s how you make the world a home.

Justice? Or just this?- Former Sheriff’s Deputy Scot Peterson deserved to be fired. The resource officer failed the students and faculty at Marjory Douglas Stoneman High School, where 17 lives were taken last year. But the 11 criminal charges lodged against him is unprecedented and I wonder if it sticks or if this is just for show. Was it so we’ll stop asking why school administrators didn’t heed all the warning signs, or why the FBI didn’t do any followup on Nikolas Cruz before that fateful day? I’m not defending Peterson by any means. But this feels like subterfuge.

YouTube find of the week #2- Wait, hold up . . these dudes stole my moves!

Experts in Bullshitology- The NBA finals is proving (once again) that sports analysts are nothing more than overpaid guesswork artists. I’ve watched three prominent voices change their predictions twice already . . and they’ve only played three games!

Back to the Bat Cave! Again?!- Maybe Robert Pattinson ends up being the actor who does for Batman what Heath Ledger did for the Joker. But hells . . can’t all these brilliant minds at DC let the Bat Man chill for a while?

Special Delivery- Saturday was always a special day for the Creans and their dog Casey. It was package day for the couple, and Josh the Fed Ex driver never forgot to include Casey in the festivities, leaving a treat on top of the box each time. Casey’s passing in April hit her owners, and Josh, hard. So he took it upon himself to gift the Creans a paw print memorial to put in their garden. For some it might be a job, but not this dude.

YouTube find of the week #3- The Boss of 10 Downing Street is Larry the Cat. That’s wassup.

Imma wrap this week’s installment in a baseball doubleheader of sorts, and special thanks to Frank at A Frank Angle for the righteous pitch. The dude is an ace when it comes to great stories.

Last week the nation gave thanks to the uniforms who keeps us safe every day whilst paying homage to those who made the ultimate sacrifice in service to our country. And if baseball gets anything right, it’s in recognizing the real heroes.

At Yankee Stadium, the home team honored 104 year old WWII veteran Luis Forte during the seventh inning of their game against the San Diego Padres. Forte’s life had come full circle inside that special moment as he talked about plucking down twenty five cents for a bleacher seat as a young boy. In 1942, as a member of the U.S. Army Air Corps, Forte was plunged into the theater of battle in Europe. He calls himself one of the lucky ones, having lost a lot of friends during his four years served.

Army Captain Michael Medders is one of those who never made it home. In 2008, Medders was killed when a suicide bomber detonated his vest during an operation in Baqubah, Iraq. The former All Ohio defensive lineman for Bowling Green State University climbed the military ranks quickly and made an impression on every life he touched.

It’s why Cleveland Indians manager Terry Francona wore a patch with Medder’s name on it last week. “He was a football player, sang in the choir,” said Francona ,”One of those all-around kids.” Yes . . . a kid. Because it’s important to remember that twenty five years was all he got to live. We can’t forget that.

We just can’t.

Heroes Of The Week!

Wonder Woman

When traffic is a righteous jam- My Regular Joe and Jane Heroes of the Week award goes to . . the couple who stopped their car on the shoulder of the highway the other day and proceeded to escort a family of geese to safety. I rode up on the congestion with a laundry list of four lettered questions but was quieted . . . most righteously.

Kick up the leaves, and the Magic is lost- I dig Magic Johnson but I ain’t digging his walking back his role in the Lakers debacle. He insists he never promised to put aside his other business interests when he took a job that demands round the clock commitment. But he did promise to do just that, back in 2017. He won’t apologize for not reaching out to anyone before stepping down, which is weak. He thinks he can deny anything just because he’s Magic, and he’s probably right. Doesn’t mean I gotta like it.

Say “Squeeze!”- Sisters Hannah and Hailey Hager have taken it upon themselves to make lemonade out of lunch debt. They need lots of lemons for the $3,100 their elementary school classmates owe, but they got this. They’re spending their spring squeezing out that debt, and they even have a FB page. Go girls!

Future Headline Number 1- “Trump Library to house largest collection of porn in the world”

How ya like me now?- Jose Simms will never be confused with John Dillinger. The 29 year old Connecticut man is wanted on seven warrants, so he promised to turn himself in if his “Wanted” pic received 15,000 likes on Facebook. He hasn’t shown in spite of passing 25,000 likes, but it’s only a matter of time when your negotiating ploy is to have as many people as humanly possible get a good look at your mug.

Heart of the matter- One minute Brennan Connell was pitching for his Olathe West High School team, and the next he was having a heart attack. And while the thought of a 16 year old having a heart attack is impossible to wrap your head around, more than 7,000 children experience cardiac arrest every year. The fact that he’s alive to tell his story is entirely the result of some quick thinking fans who performed CPR and grabbed an AED to keep his heart beating. Now THAT is a box score worth chattering about.

A wonderful day in the neighborhood- Governor Tom Wolf declared yesterday “143 Day” in Pennsylvania. He picked the 143rd day of the year to celebrate the late Fred Rogers, who would often use the code number 143 to say I love you to viewers of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. It will heretofore become a day for spreading kindness. Fat chance it goes national, but ya gotta start somewhere.

Future Headline Number 2- “Baltimore Orioles pitching staff to receive FEMA assistance”

What a drag(on)!- And now Game of Thrones fans know how it feels when the story you love gets rushed to the finish line. Because now we have the 2019 model for Godfather III. So Imma dish up some advice to GOT fans. If you re-watch the series, keep it to six seasons. Seven and eight are dead to you now. There aren’t gonna be any re-writes so quit your crying and move on. And . . you’re welcome.

The winds of war on a loop- The Pentagon is at it again. They pushed a plan yesterday that would send 10,000 more troops to the Middle East. They insist they’re not trying to provoke Iran. I guess they’re just looking to keep ’em company.

Future Headline Number 3- “Denny’s introduces new dessert, ‘Impeachment Pie'”

A hole lot of tax payer money- Donald Trump came up with another way to ‘borrow’ our hard earned green, thanks to his 175 golf outings to the tune of $100 million Palmers, and counting. The kicker is that all but one of these trips were to a Trump owned golf course. The double dipper in chief sure knows how to . . . wait for it . . drive us up a wall.

Ticket to ride- Rajai Davis’s career reads of a baseball nomad, with eight major league stops over a thirteen year career. The thirty eight year old spent Wednesday night living his ninth life as a brand new member of the New York Mets, thanks to an Uber driver named Jason. Davis got a call on Wednesday evening informing him he’d been signed by the Mets. So he hopped an Uber from Allentown Pa and was delivered to Citi Field in Queens, New York three hours later. Davis put a W.P. Kinsella blue ribbon on his journey by smashing a three run homer in a Mets win a couple hours later. Welcome back, kid.