Heroes Of An Echo’s Strength

 

Pat Tillman

 

And I have nothing to give . . .except this gesture, this thread thrown between your humanity and mine: I want to hold you in my arms and as your soul got shot of its box of flesh to understand, as you have done, the wit of eternity: its gift of unhinged release tearing through the darkness of its knell.

The Dead of September 11th (Toni Morrison)

History books provide lessons, sans the muddy footprints. They present a narrative on the destructive nature of hatred, but only those who live through that history can truly speak to its ghastly dimensions. Eighteen years have removed us from that clear blue sky morning when American Airlines Flight 11 crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center and changed everything. 

We are eighteen years removed from United Airlines Flight 175 banking hard and ramming into the South Tower and providing us with the horrible answer to all our many questions. Eighteen years removed from American Airlines Flight 77 breaching the west wall of the Pentagon. Eighteen years removed from Flight 93 plowing into a field in Pennsylvania as fighter jets raced to intercept its final destination.

The following are but a few of the mighty answers to the evil that men do. I chose stories that I’ve written on and read about, stories that moved me to tears and stories that left me knee deep in thoughts about forever. Stories whose afterglow provides me an eternal warmth.

Betty Ong and Madeline Amy Sweeney were the flight attendants on Flight 11 that morning. In the face of unimaginable horror, these two women managed to contact the airlines and thus provide authorities with crucial information on their attackers. And they stayed on the call from around the time their plane was hijacked until it lost signal moments before the attacks began.

Wherever the city needed him, that’s where you could find Father Mychal Judge. And that Tuesday morning was no different, as he arrived at the Trade Center shortly after the first plane hit. The NYFD Chaplain entered the North Tower with firefighters and rescue personnel, intent on climbing those stairs right along with them. He was killed by an avalanche of debris when the second plane hit.

Welles Crowther was an equities trader who was working on the 104th floor of the South Tower that morning. He called his mother after Flight 175 struck the South Tower to let her know he was okay. A volunteer firefighter, he had designs on joining the FDNY one day. September 11th became that day, as Crowther descended twenty six stories to the sky lobby, where he directed people to the one working staircase and then delivered them to firefighters before heading back up to save more. “The Man in the Red Bandana” is believed to have saved as many as eighteen people. Inside his final moments, he realized his dream so that others might live.

As head of corporate security for Morgan Stanley, Rick Rescorla had warned his company about the security weaknesses at the Trade Center. So when he was told by the Port Authority to keep all employees at their desks, he told them in no uncertain terms to “piss off”. After which he went about saving more than 2,700 people. He made it all the way down to the tenth floor of the South Tower with survivors, before turning around and heading back up for more. His body was never found.

At the Pentagon, Army Spc. Beau Doboszenski was working as a tour guide on the opposite side of the Pentagon when the building was hit. The massive structure is a city unto itself, so Doboszenski didn’t even realize there had been an attack initially. But the former volunteer firefighter and trained EMT sprang to action when a Navy captain asked for anyone with medical training. He ran around the building but was prevented from entering by police, so he gave first aid at a medical triage station. Later, he was part of a six man team that went back in to look for survivors, with the building still in flames.

It was due to the efforts of survivors and first responders that so many of the injured were able to make it outside of the Pentagon. That’s where Lieutenant Colonel Patricia Horoho went to work. Armed with nothing more than a first aid kit initially, Horoho tapped into her experience in burn care and trauma management. She cared for seventy five people that day.

The passengers and crew of Flight 93 knew full well they were not making it to Wednesday. They’d learned of the plot through friends and loved ones, which is when they decided to take matters into their own hands before the hijackers could deliver another wicked payload into another national landmark. And their actions speak not to some politicized t-shirt slogan, but to the better angels in us all.

The better angels are what Luis Alvarez believed in, because to believe otherwise would have been to leave his fallen brothers behind. And it was the fight in him that prevailed over that hopeless pit at Ground Zero for months on end after the attack; a painstaking search for any simple thread of humanity inside that hell on earth. And he would keep on fighting, into the final days of his life, along with Jon Stewart, to invoke that humanity on all the simple minds who prefer to forget.

Pat Tillman refused to forget. The California kid who busted it to get the last remaining football scholarship at Arizona State in 1994, was full of plans that were bigger than his 5’11” frame. And it was destined, really, that he would excel at college ball and get a shot at the NFL. He was picked by the Arizona Cardinals with the 226th pick in the 1998 NFL draft, and he was so thankful for the opportunity they had given him that years later, he turned down a big contract offer from the St. Louis Rams. Out of loyalty. Who does that?

Pat Tillman, that’s who. Because the kid never met a promise he wouldn’t keep, or a cause he wouldn’t stand behind. A gritty, hard nosed linebacker, Tillman was making an NFL life for himself when September 11th happened. And never mind that he was thousands of miles removed and times zones away . . because to Pat, Manhattan and Virginia and Pennsylvania were every bit as much his home as the place he laid his head. And all those people lost, his neighbors.

So the kid from central casting who was busy making bank playing the game he loved, decided to enlist in the Army. And dammit if he missed the fucking memo about athletes being self absorbed jerks. And dammit if the world is not the most unfair thing, because the kid from central casting didn’t make it home. And dammit but those numbers lie, because the casualties did not end at 2,977 on Tuesday, September 11th. Those numbers keep crawling upwards, like a furious rage of ivy into a sleepless sky.

Maybe there is no rectitude to the catechisms. Maybe faith is found inside the footprints of those who prosper the darkness so that we may gain the light.

Heroes Of The Week!

Joker

Welp, the NFL decided to come back for another season, so I would be remiss if I didn’t give you some quick shot predictions for betting purposes only. A top five? Why not . . .

1- Antonio Brown will be traded to the Hollywood Wives
2- Jerry Jones’ quest for a Super Bowl comes up short again. So he buys the Patriots.
3- A 350 lb lineman who’s somehow faster than Carl Lewis is suspended for PED’s. Fans and commentators are shocked!
4- The Dolphins win the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts in peaceful co-existence on the field of play after winning one game, by accident.
5- Roger Goodell announces the league will eventually have teams in London, Madrid, Paris and any other European city that doesn’t give a fuck about American football

Autumn Johnson has one cool name, but his outlook on life is even cooler. The six year old South Carolina boy was saving his birthday money for a trip to Disney World when Hurricane Dorian hit Florida. So he took his money and used it to feed evacuees instead- one hundred in all. Run for office, kid . . please?

An American woman tried to board a plane with a six day old baby in her carry on bag. Authorities at Ninoy Aquino International Airport in Manila detained the woman, who claimed she was an aunt. If only all human traffickers were this dumb.

Prez Tweet Funny

Sarah Yerkes just published her first collection of poems (“Days Of Blue And Flame”) at the tender age of 101. Proving that time can be a prison or a gift. The choice is ours. (Shout out to the Delectable Q for this get.)

On April 12, Emmanuel Aranda threw a five year old boy over the third floor railing at Mall of America. The boy suffered head trauma and multiple broken bones but is recovering. Aranda was sentenced to first degree attempted murder and will serve nineteen years in prison. Imma pick him up when he gets released . . .

Disney Streaming Service
Disney Streaming Service! Just Shut Up And Take My Money!

I didn’t realize Popeye’s chicken sandwich fever was a thing until I read about the imbecile in Houston who pulled a gun on an employee when he was informed they had sold out. This follows the imbecile in Tennessee who sued Popeye’s, alleging “deceptive business practices” after driving all over town looking to score a sammy but coming up empty. Here’s an idea, eat a fucking salad.

Bria Montes pens hand written letters. I dig the posterity of her austerity but I really dig the recipient in this instance: An Odessa, Texas police officer. Montes left the handwritten note along with some flowers on his police cruiser to show her appreciation for his service. The good guys won a day, thanks to Montes.

NY POST Cover

On Wednesday, Google agreed to pay a $170 million fine after YouTube was found to have been collecting information . . . from children. Which led to this brief conversation:

Me: Shit like this really pisses me off, because I love YouTube.
Mellow Harsher: You don’t have to use the site, you know.
Me: Are you out of your mind?

Police in Glasgow, Scotland foiled a game of hide and seek that was to be played out in a local IKEA after three thousand people signed up on Facebook to participate. They stopped any customers who looked as if they were there to play a game of hide and seek, which is the funniest Goddamn case of profiling I’ve ever heard of.

Crazy cat ladies best move over and make way for Chella Phillips, ’cause she’s got plenty of company. When Hurricane Dorian touched down in the Bahamas, Phillips took 97(!) dogs into her Nassau home, providing them with food and shelter. Just call her the patron saint of paws.

Coming up next week, I’ve got a special September 11th issue featuring nothing but heroes. Because when the good guys win the day, it feeds the world.

Heroes Of The Week!

Black Widow

Last week’s episode proved that mashups ain’t no joke. I was able to fit in more stories than in any previous Heroes post. This isn’t to say there weren’t glitches, because any good thing comes with glitches. Just ask the peeps at Apple. Using the Speaking Of format caused ‘rollover’, in which one positive or negative story bled into the next with precious little room for a segue salve. But don’t fret, my maintenance crew is looking into the problem and you can look forward to a new and improved version sometime soon.

And now, the news.

Fidel would’ve loved this chick- If lies really do set your pants on fire, they’re gonna need dental records to identify Kayleigh McEnany. In an interview with Chris Cuomo, the press secretary for Trump’s 2020 re-election campaign insisted Trump has never lied, after which she went back to the tired old well of blaming the media for every single thing. Kudos to CC for cutting it short with K Mac before she could blame the media for her cluelessness.

What impossible dreams may come- Imagine losing your right leg as a newborn in a chemical fire, after which you spend the next eight years in a state run orphanage in Nanjing, China. That was Scout Bassett’s reality until her entire world changed when she was adopted by a Michigan family in 1995. Some people rest on their good fortune, while others use it as fuel. And that’s what Scout did, winning three medals in the Para-triathlon and two more in the Para World Championships. She recently made ESPN’s “Body Issue”, where she proves that you shouldn’t be afraid of your scars. You should own them.

Luck ’em all!- Andrew Luck’s retirement took most football fans by surprise. But that didn’t make it alright for Colts fans to boo him as he left the field after last week’s game. And it doesn’t mean that Adam Schefter, who broke the story for ESPN, should have waited for Luck to announce it in a presser. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean Dan Dakich gets to rip Luck’s commitment, and people with mental health issues on his sparrow shit of a radio show. Maybe a little high road would’ve done everyone involved some good.

Ain’t no mountain high enough for these two- In 2010, Marine Staff Sgt. Jonathon Blank was serving in Afghanistan when he lost both his legs to an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). His friend John Nelson was nearby when it happened, and while that memory will never leave them, they’ve made sure to make plenty of much better ones in the time between. Nelson recently climbed Mt. Timpanogos in Utah, with his pal Jonathon on his back. 14 miles and 4,500 feet in an epic tag team hike. And they’re not done yet. Next up, they’re going to hike up the tallest mountain in California, Mount Whitney. And they’re gonna do it on Veteran’s Day. Because they can.

The tykes keep teaching us how- Eight year old Christian Moore didn’t think twice when he saw his classmate Connor Crites struggling on his first day of school. He didn’t laugh, shake his head or judge Connor for having a meltdown right in front of their whole class.

Hero Kid

Moore didn’t know Crites has autism or that he finds it extremely difficult to fit in with other kids. All Christian saw was a friend in need. So he did what any good friend would do. He sat with Connor as he cried, and then he held his hand and walked with him into school. No shaming, no blaming. Just love, in a not so random act of kindness that made all the difference in the world to one little boy.

That’s the problem with us adults. We tend to forget the power of compassion, and that it is every bit as much of a currency as all that dope we peddle to make us smarter and richer and stronger and younger. The difference with compassion is that the stuff has no expiration date. It will never leave us broke. Or empty. Or alone. And it is full of the kinds of nutrients that do a body and soul the most good. Lessons.

That picture is worth a thousand of ’em.

 

Heroes Of The Week! (Speaking Of Edition)

Spider Man

It was only a matter of time before one of my shticks ran into another one of my shticks, after which they grabbed a drink and then decided to get a room and make snarky. So this week, Speaking Of meets Heroes.

We’ll start with Presidente Trump, who’s back again. This time for reneging on his ‘promise’ to push all his chips for tighter background checks on gun purchases. For all his bluster, he’s looking mighty weak.

Speaking of . . . weak. Baker Mayfield threw shade at New York Giants rookie Daniel Jones in a GQ article. And then social media sushi rolled his critique into spicy bites, and then he walked it back and blamed the media for taking him out of context. That’s a punk move.

Speaking of . . . punk move. Ezekiel Elliot is holding out for a big payday two years short of free agency . . by vacationing in Mexico. Never mind he’s been a knucklehead off the field since getting to Dallas. Now little Zeke is upset because Jerry Jones made light of his holdout. Oh little Zeke, grow up.

Speaking of . . . little boys. I have no interest in watching the Little League World Series. Because I’m a grown man, and as such, I ain’t down with watching little boys play baseball. But ESPN never met an endeavor they couldn’t exploit.

Speaking of . . . exploitation. Union workers for Shell received overtime pay for attending a Trump rally at a Monaca, Pennsylvania plant recently. Those who didn’t attend received nada. Officials for Shell said it was a ‘bonus’ that didn’t affect the workers not in attendance. But when pay for yay! gets political, we’re going the way of Norman Jewison’s Rollerball.

Speaking of . . . derbies. The peeps in Chitown have this really cool tradition where they flood the Chicago River with rubber ducks. The event helps to raise money for the Illinois Special Olympics. Last year’s races raised $425,000 dollars for the cause.

Speaking of . . . raising money for a good cause. Diesel Pippert is a seventh grader from Ohio who has this philanthropy thing down cold. After earning $15,000 in livestock premiums at the county fair’s animal auction, he donated all of it to St. Jude Children’s Resarch Hospital. The kid is a businessman with a soulful bottom line.

Speaking of . . . bottom line businesses. The NFL actually put its money where its mouth was with next gen helmets that will keep players safe. The new helmets were good enough for every player but Antonio Brown, who makes our Heroes post for the third week in a row. First AB threatened to retire and then he threatened to sue the league, before finally giving in and showing up to camp. For now.

imagejpeg_0.jpg

Speaking of . . . happy campers. Ali and Linds B adopted a pit-bull this week. He’s a year and a half old and his name is Fig. He has an amazing smile, gives great kisses and he happens to be one hell of a sous chef. He hung out with me in the kitchen as I constructed my loaded nachos for their get together. What a mighty good boy.

Speaking of . . . good boys. Darby White is a 100 lb pit-bull pup who was chilling in the family Jeep when he saw his owner James being attacked by a shark he had caught while fishing in Sonoma County, California. Darby worked the car handle open and then loosed the shark from James’s leg. From now on, James should take up chess.

Speaking of . . . sharks. Jeffrey Epstein signed a will just two days before . . . umm . . killing himself. His estate was valued at more than half a billion dollars, but his playlist of scumbag friends won’t be nearly as available now that he’s gone.

Speaking of . . . spineless snots. Recently, a neighbor of Randa Ragland sent the struggling mom an anonymous note bitching about the condition of her property and how it was affecting the resale value of other homes in the neighborhood. Never mind that Ragland’s husband had lost his job, she was dealing with health issues and her three year old son was just diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma. After Ragland posted the note on Facebook, her Pinson, Alabama neighbors sent her a different kind of message: A lawn service took care of her yard, while others tidied the house and bought the family some groceries. That’s how you dollar bill a nickel and dime fool.

Speaking of . . . bills. Wesley Ryan of San Antonio had plenty of them back in 2001 when his wife Laura was battling an aggressive form of ovarian cancer. So he made the decision to sell his beloved ’93 Mustang GT in order to cover the medical bills. Last September, his kids tracked down the car on Craigslist and bought it back for him. And that right there is a good story, but it gets better. Executive Chairman Bill Ford of Ford Motor Co. saw video of that reunion, after which he enlisted Hennessey Performance to give it a complete makeover and bring back its old school purr. Wesley took it for a spin earlier this month after a surprise unveiling at Ford World Headquarters, wife Laura at his side.

Speaking of . . . better days. Eleven year old Ruben Martinez of El Paso, Texas is challenging everyone in his hometown to do twenty two good deeds- one for each victim of the Walmart shooting earlier this month. The #ElPasoChallenge asks peeps in the 915 to do some good, any kind of good. It could be in the form of mowing a neighbor’s lawn, buying someone a cup of Joe, or checking in on an elderly neighbor. Basically, anything that’ll brighten up a person’s day. 

It wouldn’t be the worst idea if the folks in Washington played along. They could even take credit for it. As long as it got us somewhere better, I’m sure the kid wouldn’t mind one bit.

Heroes Of The Week!

Laurie Jupiter

The quick shots episode #21 was so popular (with me) that I’ve decided to adopt this fortuitous fling going forward. I’ve got a full on 100 percent Heroes post coming up at some future point, and I’ll probably have a battle of the sexes Heroes post as well. Since sexes don’t battle any more, they just scream and holler.

Pols, jocks and celebs only posts might happen, but I’m not sold on it yet. A throwback Heroes post is very much in the mix, though . . as soon as I find my time traveler kicks. An all kids Heroes post? Never. An all fifty or older Heroes post? Definitely.

Let’s get to stepping.

Clown Sign

Something is afoot in Oakland- So last week, Antonio Brown made this space for his frozen feet. This week, he threatened to retire if he couldn’t use his original helmet design rather than an updated version. It was a transparent attempt to buy some time for his blistered dogs. Next week, AB will make this space when he sues Cleveland for using his last name.

Trump at the Catskills back for 144th week- 45 got into it with CNN’s Chris Cuomo after a video of the news anchor losing his cool went viral. Cuomo went off on a man who called him “Fredo”, and the Trump campaign was there to pick up the pieces. And turn them into a merch moment by selling “Fredo Unhinged” t-shirts for $34 on its website. Cuomo apologized for the meltdown but this didn’t stop Trump from tossing in a “red flag” joke about the incident. How can a President have more free time for social media than a middle school teenager?

I don’t know who Andrew Yang is, but I do know he gives the Democrats a candidate from every state now, right?

Tiger Shark Mama- Miranda Perez is reason #5,613 why not everyone should have kids. She threatened to shoot up Barton Elementary School in Lake Worth, Florida when her kids were transferred there as the result of a school board resolution looking to address overcrowding. I guess it could have been worse. She might have decided to home school them.

Vera

Soulful harvest- Larry Yockey is a fourth generation farmer from Ritzville, Washington. In February of this past year, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. The chances that he would be able to harvest a wheat field which was his only source of income while undergoing treatment weren’t good. When word of his plight spread, neighbors, farmers and volunteers showed up to harvest his fields for him. They finished a three week job in eight hours. Yockey’s daughters intend on making this a fifth generation enterprise; thanks to the lessons of their father, and a little help from their friends.

Kandi’s Gentleman’s Club in Omaha, Nebraska is looking for stay at home moms who want to earn some extra cash. No word as to whether daycare is provided.

No tea party- The mother/son team of Carol and Scott Dawson are The South Yorkshire, England branch of the Manson family. They shot Gary Dean, a marathon runner, with an air rifle over a dispute over the use of their footpath. Then they beat Dean to death with tree branches and stones. Proving that America ain’t cornered the market on fucked up peeps.

Twenty five years ago this week, Major League Baseball went on strike. It led to the cancellation of the World Series for the first time in 90 years. Bud Selig and his pals would make up for it a few years later with an artificially enhanced home run chase that ushered in the steroids era. Sacred records would fall, player salaries would skyrocket and new ballparks would be built on a lie. With the fans who’d been screwed out of a World Series footing the bill. And to think, they keep Shoeless Joe out of the Hall . . .

Random act of beauty- Lamiyah Jabbar is an Uber driver by day, but an angel the rest of the time. Christmas came early for one financially strapped passenger who shared her checklist wishes with Jabbar. “Can you imagine waiting till Christmas just to get a robe, house shoes and a outfit for church?” Said Jabbar. “We tend to take things for granted, but why not help someone else if you can?” So she gifted the woman a new dress and a $50 Visa gift card for the robe and shoes. That’s just how she rolls.

Now that Jay-Z has teamed up with the NFL, Colin Kaepernick has his last best chance at making an NFL roster. I think the Eagles would work just fine.

Good medicine- 17 year old Micah Wooten had just completed three months of boot camp at Parris Island and was on the cusp of fulfilling his dream of becoming a U.S. Marine, when he was rushed to Beaufort Memorial Hospital for surgery. His condition wasn’t life threatening, but it did cost him the chance to stand with his fellow cadets at the graduation ceremony.

Laurie Harvey, who is an R.N. and the assistant director of the OR at Beaufort Memorial wasn’t going to take the unfortunate turn of events for the kid sitting down. “My heart just broke for him,” said Laurie. “We can’t let this day end this way.”

And so Laurie and her co-workers arranged a graduation ceremony for Wooten. She lined up all the physicians and nurses in attendance along the walls outside of the operating room. And when Micah was wheeled out in his hospital bed, the Marine Corps hymn began to play.

Micah will be back at it before too long, after which he will begin living out his dream. He’ll take along a poem gifted him by the Beaufort staff titled “Don’t Quit”, and a stone cross by which to remember his impromptu graduation. Heartfelt reminders that what he’ll do in service to his country will never be forgotten by the people of a United States. We are always supportive, always thankful . . .

Always faithful.

Heroes Of The Week!

The Flash

Last week’s Villains post was such a hit, I’ve decided to go with another idea for this weeks Heroes. Imma dish up stories in quicksilver fashion, as if I was a USA Today table setter. Okay, yeah . . the Villains post was well received, but that’s not why I’m dealing up quick shots this week. Truth is, the week flew by and I had nothing stapled to a draft with which to build a story as zero hour approached. Don’t worry, you won’t regret it in the morning. Probably not . . .

Clueless, classless and cold- Mitch McConnell has used his powers as majority leader to block bills that would call for background checks for all gun purchasers (including internet and gun shows) and extend waiting limits for would be gun buyers who get flagged. It’s been twenty years since any meaningful gun legislation was passed and in that time there have been more than fifty mass shootings.The lack of progress in this national epidemic isn’t just shameful, it’s criminal.

Cold Feet? Try FROZEN!- Antonio Brown of the Oakland/Las Vegas/ Hawkins Indiana Raiders has frostbitten feet on account of not wearing the proper footwear during cryo-therapy (Gruesome pic here). Something tells me the train wreck that is Gruden’s gang is just gonna get stupider from here.

Texas . . Twitter . . Trump . . what could go wrong?- Rep. Joaquin Castro, brother and campaign chairman to 2020 presidential candidate Julian, posted a screenshot of Trump donors on Twitter. Now, the list is public record, but the stunt is still dangerous, given the current climate. There’s a way to do things, and this ain’t it.

Fighting hate with love- Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is pleading for anyone who has fallen “in the grips of hatred and white supremacy” to right their ways. And she says there will always be room at the table for those willing to try. She’ll probably be trashed for this, but I happen to think it’s a positive chord to strike at a moment in time when we need something positive. Good for her. Good for all of us.

J.J. is Dyno-might!- J.J. Watt of the Houston Texans digs the Green Bay Packers tradition where the players ride kids bikes to the practice field during training camp so much, he decided to take part in it himself. When Houston visited Green Bay recently, Watt borrowed a young fan’s bike . . and proceeded to bust the seat. He carried it the rest of the way, after which he gifted the kid a new bike. Not to mention a hell of a story.

If you build it, ratings will come- The MLB finally got a gimmick right when they announced the New York Yankees and Chicago White Sox will play a game in Dyersville, Iowa next season: On the same site used in the movie Field of Dreams. It will seat 8,000 fans and . . get this, the right field wall will feature windows so you can see the cornfield. Maybe Boss Manfred could use the moment to fast pass Shoeless Joe into the Hall . . .

Ralph Kramden is rolling in his grave- A driver for Peter Pan Bus Lines was arrested after she locked a passenger inside the luggage compartment. Police were notified by the imprisoned passenger, who dialed up 911. They eventually caught up with the bus during one of its stops. What. The. Fuck?

Badass baby rescuer- Danny Trejo of Machete fame played the good guy in real life this week. The 75 year old jumped into action when he witnessed a two car collision. With the help of a female bystander, he was able to pull a baby from the vehicle which had overturned. Now that is badass.

Sickening display- A 39 year old Army veteran has been charged with felony assault after he slammed a thirteen year old boy to the ground for not taking off his hat during the national anthem. The boy suffered a concussion and a fractured skull as a result of the attack. Which is why you don’t need to be tweeting out the Trump voters. They make themselves known plenty well enough.

The Beer Diet is a thing, and I am there- When Pistons center Andre Drummond gave up red meat, he had to substitute the calories with something else and he chose . . . beer. I love this guy very much.

Wonder Girl- 7 year old Abigail Arias got to live out a dream job on Tuesday night, thanks to the peeps at the Blue Lives Matter Foundation. They organized a trip to New York City for Arias and her family so she could don the uniform of an MTA police officer. Abigail and her family also met with the NYPD Police Commissioner James O’Neill, and they visited other units across the city.

Arias has an incurable form of kidney cancer and so time is no longer something she or her family take for granted. Instead, they are grateful to borrow as much of the stuff as they can get their hands on. This little girl was sworn in as an honorary police officer in her hometown of Freeport, Texas back in February. And now this. And tomorrow, they’ll get to stepping on something else. Because in Abigail’s world, there is no time for hate or divisiveness and all the ugliness that comes with it.

There’s only time enough to dream.

 

 

Villains Of The Week!

Homelander

Our weekly Heroes post has gone missing in a diabolical plan by the League of Zeroes to take over the free world!

Too much? Okay, here’s the deal. Y’all make these weekly posts worth the price of admission. I’m just the scribe whose crib gets the props. Seriously, Dale is always shaking loose a great story for these posts, and Frank is grabbing good stuff on the regular as well. And now Susannah has joined in on the fun, with a calamitously criminal crush of an idea: An All Villains of the Week post.

Sold!

This week, it’s zeroes across the board. Some are sub-zero degenerates, some are just annoying, and then you have those who are simply misunderstood. Okay . . I’m talking about that lady bandit, but I’m sorry . . I think she’s awesome. So let’s begin with her, coo?

America’s Most (Definitely) Wanted- First there was Smokey and the Bandit. Then you had the Wet Bandits. And now the newest member of the club, the Pink Lady Bandit, who was taken into custody, along with an accomplice on Sunday. They robbed at least four banks, and I gotta say . . I am super impressed. Who robs banks anymore? I mean, without an executive order? And doesn’t the FBI have anything better to do than go after independent contractors who are simply looking to bring some nostalgia back to the world of crime?

Knotted Knickers- James Dolan is proof that money doesn’t buy brains. The New York Knicks owner has turned the once proud franchise into a dumpster fire. The only thing this chump is good at is kicking people out of his yard. He had franchise icon Charles Oakley forcibly removed from the Garden. He’s also had a Knicks fan removed for telling him the truth; that he should sell the team. And last weekend, Dolan had a reporter from Businessweek removed from The Paramount Theater when he got wind she was there as part of a story she was doing on Dolan. Even though he doesn’t own the venue, he was able to have her removed since he was performing with his band, JD & The Straight Shot. Come to think of it, maybe he did her a favor.

Only three things in life are certain- Death, taxes, and a Facebook mom-rant. In the latest Mama-geddon, a mom is blaming childless peeps who go to Disney for ruining her toddler’s magical visit. Yep, she got pissed at the fact that her three year old son had a tantrum when he couldn’t get a pretzel because the line was too long. Never mind that the line is always too long because . . it’s Disney. And never mind the fact that he’s three years old and is not going to remember a single thing about their trip. This unhinged individual went on to call childless Disney goers “cunts”, “tramps” and “bitches”. So she rails on childless peeps while showing herself to be a poor example of how a parent should behave. Makes perfect sense.

Author Ponzirelli- Bernie Madoff is asking for clemency from President Trump, and it’ll be interesting (frightening) to see if he gets it. Madoff shook loose almost sixty five billion dollars from the pockets of 4,800 clients in the largest financial fraud case in American history. That number exceeds the annual budgets of all but five states, if you’re keeping score at home. He’s currently serving a 150 year sentence in a federal prison, which is too lenient if you ask me. He is a fucking vampire after all.

A Titanic Rumble- A couple was arrested last Friday for their part in a chaise clearing brawl on a British owned cruise ship. The shenanigans ensued after an afternoon of partying on deck, with one of the revelers taking offense to a passenger who was dressed like a clown. Where’s an iceberg when you really need one?

The NFL’s Domestic Abuse Problem- The league and its commissioner just can’t seem to get domestic abuse right.

Take Tyreek Hill, for instance. In 2014, Hill was dismissed from Oklahoma State after choking and punching his pregnant girlfriend in the face and stomach. And in March of this year, Hill was under investigation for alleged battery after his three year old son suffered a broken arm. In a subsequent audiotape in which Hill and his fiancee are discussing the investigation, she tells him their son is terrified of him to which Hill responds “. . you should be terrified of me too, bitch,”. Nonetheless, Hill received no punishment.

There are three zeroes here. Hill being the most obvious of course. But we can’t forget the Kansas City Chiefs, who are really good at taking on bad guys. To show how contrite they were about the Hill investigation, the Chiefs traded for Frank Clark this off-season. Clark was arrested and prosecuted on domestic violence charges in 2014. In 2017, he went after a female reporter on Twitter after she had the audacity to write about his past. Oh yeah . . and this is the same team that drafted Kareem Hunt, who likely would still be playing in KC if not for the videotape that surfaced of of him assaulting a woman in a Cleveland nightclub.

The NFL is complicit as well, what with all the chances they give these creeps. Roger Goodell and Company insist they care about women, but really . . who could tell? (And here’s an excellent piece about the league’s not so benevolent side,)

Welp, that’ll do it for the first ever Villains post. At some future point in time, Imma put on my rose colored glasses and write up an All Heroes post. But umm . . . don’t hold your breath.