First Draft Horoscopes

Today’s Birthday: Gemini

A planetary configuration like today’s often makes people afraid to start anything that challenges their status quo. That’s because the planets are so misaligned, it looks like rush hour on the 405 up there. See, the idea is to stop traffic . . not sit in it. In spite of this cosmic sausage, you should aspire for greater heights in your professional life. Be a risk taker, even if it means telling your boss that his head is so far up his ass that it’s pushing on his belly button. And after he presents you with a pink slip, take your severance and hit Vegas. Because you already lost the girl, the house and the dog . . so why the fuck not? As Matthew Broderick once opined, there is a kind of freedom in being totally screwed. And so what if you’re not going to follow up that line of thinking with a successful career in acting whilst calling Sarah Jessica Parker your pillow pal?

Remember the saying there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Just kidding! You should be afraid . . very afraid.