The Vera Farmiga Invitational

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Imma go back to my old school crush for this lovely episode, with many thanks to the timeless beauty of that man slayer extraordinaire, Sara Michelle Gellar. SMG is so much more than just a sexy stand in, and rest assured she will be booming these pages again soon. But January is for figuring out slumps and what better math to utilize than the geometrical qualities of Ms Farmiga? So here then is my first honeydew list of 2020. Enjoy!

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Elle Duncan: She works for Animal House Sports (Business Name: ESPN), but she’s no keeper of the lame ass qualities perpetuated on the network. She’s funny in the realest kind of way, with no forced soundtrack necessary. She dispenses knowledge without verbiage, facts without fiction and news without the sophomoric slant. Girl’s got a smile that could melt butter and a rap that is all business. She doesn’t need to issue any ridiculous “hot takes”. She IS a hot take.

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Phoebe Waller-Bridge: Phoebe’s got that Headmistress vibe going strong, and it makes you want to score detention on the regular so’s you can be under her pretty thumb. She’s got the endearingly awkward personality that works a Happy Hour jaunt into an after-hours repartee. Quick to cut your knees out from under you, after which she props you up on the sofa and feeds you tequila in particular ways.

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Ashley Graham: When it comes to exhibiting model behavior, this woman schools her peers on the regular. Because she’s what sexy is all about; confidence, fused together with the courage to be who she is, rather than what others insist she has to be. Mistress of the come hither glance, she is a Vegas lock when her eyes come calling on you. Positive proof that coloring outside the lines is so damned hot.

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Skylar Diggins-Smith: This woman has represented at every level- from high school to college to the pros- with a game that never quits, just like her. She came all the way back from an ACL injury without missing a beat, stringing together four straight WNBA All Star Game appearances. She’s equal parts fire and ice- throwing down daggers when left to her own devices while making opponents pay mightily with an ability to dish to the open teammate given the tiniest window. But really . . she had me at the curls.

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Bella Heathcote: She’s got an old school element to her new age filament that makes the screen she adorns go boom, every time. Pouty lips that tug at you and eyes that scratch at all the logic known to Mars with claws drawn up in a Venus playbook. She carries this perfumed swagger that makes you believe in the mystic. And when her hair goes all ramshackle, so do your knees.

I conclude this tasty episode by writing one more lovely into the starting lineup. This “All That All Star” was scouted by the Cincinnati Kid, the Short Order Opinion Maker, the Maestro of Madcap, the King of the Home Run Swing, the Titan of Tango  . . . none other than Frank from over at afrankangle.

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Robin Meade: This hawt headliner spells the news on weekday mornings for millions of Americans who choose to get their news delivered sans bluster. She’s a beauty who talks kindly, reports fairly and makes you feel as if you’re swapping coffee talk with her and only her. Personal enough to make you blush, and when she leans into the camera . . you will. And it’s what missing in today’s iteration of the Fourth Estate- where expert analysis is oftentimes code for pulpit speak. She ain’t faking her journalistic know how, and it shows.

Welp . . that’s all for this episode of what’s hot. I’d like to thank Vera for being the mostess of a hostess, and to the ladies in my lovely lineup . . thank you for rocking the science with smarts, savvy and plenty of sexy.

The Vera Farmiga Invitational

 

Vera Farmiga

It’s been a while.

Back inside another time, I used to put together these “Hot Lists”- comprised of sultry dishes whose cosmic ingredients sated the visual sweet tooth. Unlike Maxim’s Hot List, mine do not include minors. There’s no need for swimsuits or anything of the like. Alls these gals have to bring is their bad selves.

You may wonder why I call it the Vera Farmiga Invitational instead of the Hot List; to which I say, same difference. Vera is the Mistress of Ceremonies because she is the reading, writing and ‘rithmetic of what’s hot. She is the honey’s bees knees, and thus . . it’s her party.

So, here’s my latest starting lineup of sexy. Nine gals with skill sets that touch all the bases. Go home team!

ashleigh-banfield

Ashleigh Banfield– She’s got the glasses, which I dig very much. She’s got the smarts, which I dig very much. She’s got the looks, which completes this yummy trifecta of brains and beauty. I can’t wait until tomorrow, because this girl just keeps getting better looking every day.

Julie Stewart Binks

Julie Stewart Binks- I’m not gonna lie, soccer babes rock. I have a long history of smitten when it comes to the soccer kitten (see what I did there?). J Shizzle has that sexy smirk that always gets me riled up, and then she deals up her five tool talents? And then I’m begging her to stop because it hurts so good. But she won’t stop, because she knows I love it. Okay . . . what was I talking about?

Carole Laure

Carole Laure- This Canadian import is a product of Quebec. The singer/actress/creamy seductress is now seventy years old, but when you Google her, you’re gonna find the new way of doing fifty is what you’re gonna find. Because she is still sweeter than maple syrup. Hat tip to the Notorious Q for this sexy get!

Crystal Reed

Crystal Reed- GodAYUM is my one word answer to the question that is Crystal Reed. Because I have no idea who she is, seeing as how the woman can play more roles than a double agent in wartime. Bookish schoolmarm who will kill you in your sleep and you’ll be okay with it? Check! Goth chick who will eat your soul at the picnic lunch you fix for her and you’ll be like “You so crazy baby!” Check! Girl next door who can cook up a feast, run a bake sale from the trunk of her Jetta and seduce the boy next door before happy hour? Check! Gangster wild child with a death wish, who somehow becomes the black sheep of a crime family dynasty? Checking A!

 

Carmen Ejogo

Carmen Ejogo- Carmen has the name, she has the timeless beauty and she has the ability to give you myriad hair days- one more spectacular than the next. From the hot professor short ‘do to ‘8o’s sleek, ’20’s  bouffant, beehive, beachy blond bombshell and boot kicking booyah. She has rocked every kind of look and she’s got that British accent which supplies a velvet crush to the senses.

Gemma Chan

Gemma Chan- She’s reminiscent of a different time in Hollywood. Elegance and grace with a style that doubles down on plain ‘ole sexy. And when she speaks . . that secret that Victoria’s been toting around? It gets told.

Meghan Markle

Meghan Markle- She’s the girl next door. Assuming you live next door to Buckingham Palace. Meghan’s smile gives everything away, because what lies beneath that sweet, lithesome curl is a bad girl gone good. At least . . that’s my interpretation of it. If I’m wrong, just leave me be.

Carrie Anne Moss

Carrie-Anne Moss- She’s so beautiful that she even made Keanu Reeves look good in all those Matrix movies. Just kidding! Please don’t send hate mail to me, since I haven’t checked the email for this blog in forever, and I would hate to miss out!

Paula Patton

Paula Patton- I had this dream that Paula was my drill instructor and that . . Okay, well . . that’s as much as I can share as far as that dream goes. She’s got a style all her own and a look that says Friday night. I’d be a member of Patton’s Army any day.

Welp, that’ll do for this latest installment of the Vera Invitational. Thank you for tuning in, and we would like to remind you to check your local listings for a Holiday Edition! Until then, may you have honeyed up wishes and hot buttah dreams.