The Day I ‘Chickened Out’, and why I’m proud of it

Chick fil A

I’m not much for extreme stances, seeing as how it’s difficult to abide by such things with any degree of magnanimity. Taking a stand on something is easy, following through is the sticky part of the label. But there are some things to which I am unwavering, mostly.

Take for instance the fact I haven’t stepped foot inside of a Chick-fil-A in years. As it turns out, almost six years. I googled CEO Dan Cathy because I couldn’t remember when he made his gay marriage comments and it turns out that all happened back in June of 2012. ‘Chicken-Gate’ doesn’t feel that long ago. That’s my affectionate term for Cathy’s piety party as it relates to same sex marriages.

If you forget what Cathy said way back then, here’s an excerpt.

I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, “We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage”. I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.

Listen, I do not give a great good fuck what Cathy thinks of gay people, gay marriage, rainbows or the show Will and Grace. I just don’t think it’s cool that Cathy, who presides over the most successful fast food operation in the country- a business whose annual revenue exceeded 8 billion dollars in 2016- needs to be playing come hither with all the holier than thou Huckabees out there who wear their beliefs on their lapels.

Biggoty

Here’s the thing. Cathy’s business is getting ‘ching from plenty of gay people. He made it a point to damn their way of living and loving but he’ll gratefully accept their moola. Then his company takes that gay people money and donates a portion of it to organizations who basically see homosexuality as a sickness- like cancer- which needs to be eradicated in the name of God.

Add to this the fact that Cathy’s same sex marriage statements happened inside a national election year, and you’re left wondering what he stood to gain from such a pious stance. Were his statements genuine or manipulative? Either way, it was wrong of him to make his personal feelings public, thereby alienating a segment of consumers who really dig his product.

So I stopped going. Just like that. Six years later I do not regret my decision one bit(e).

If you were waiting for my but . . . here it is. I have partaken of the stuff on two occasions since my decision not to step foot in their doors. Call me a hypocrite if you like, and maybe I am. I like to think that if I lawyer up my laymen, I can ‘splain how my brief and limited interaction with the chicken king did not affect my boycott. A top five? I’ll try.

5- I didn’t step foot in the doors- Interaction with a retail establishment often results in impetuous behavior. Like when you go into Target for deodorant and you end up buying Doritos, frozen pizza, pajamas, the movie Pitch Perfect and a 55 inch ultra- high def TV whilst forgetting the deodorant. By not stepping foot inside a Chick-fil-A, I was practicing temperance.

4- I didn’t actually ‘buy’ the stuff- I realize possession is nine tenths of the law, but unlike weed, if a cop finds a a chicken sammy in my glove box, he’s just gonna be like “You’re not gonna eat that? What’s wrong with you?”

3- It was “Free”- To borrow from Dan Cathy, it is our God given right to accept free food.

2- I asked myself, What Would Jesus Do?- And I came to the conclusion he would be like “Dude, I went through a shit ton of misery so you could sin,”

1- A fried Chick-fil-A sammy is really fucking tasty- Hey, my boycott is painful! I have sacrificed so much over the last almost six years.

What is a boycott all about anyways? Among the multitude of boycotts in recent memory, we have NFL football, Coca Cola, BP, Target, Nestle and Nike, Staples and Starbucks and hell . . some people even boycotted Amazon! Yeah . . and those people are called Amish.

So is my boycott full of shit? Let’s review . . .

While I have broken the boycott commandment which stipulates that one must not handle said product, I have not had any social interaction with the company. As far as I’m concerned, those are offsetting penalties. My commercial involvement with Chick-fil-A was one of third party privilege and no currency was transacted by yours truly. If anything, it could be argued that my dispassionate involvement was akin to a quality control expert.

As far as I’m concerned, my boycott is intact. I do not plan on darkening the doors of a Chick-fil-A, unless I were to become afflicted with a deliciously uncommon medical condition in which my doctor suggests that I incorporate more fried foods into my diet. My own personal little boycott isn’t going to affect the chicken king in the least, I realize this. But for me, it still means something.

It should.